1. That strange first day of the rest of my retirement.

"You KNOW that Dad warns us never to talk to strangers!"

"Yes, but I still want to know who lives in Harry's house now."

"Maybe, as our new neighbor, he is no longer a stranger?"

"To me, he looks more like an old man, or an old grandpa..."

The first day of the rest of my life in this small village was a beautiful day.

Sitting on my new porch for the first time, I already started to feel at home in my newly bought house.

While searching through a few local advertisements, I had found this nice looking two-story abode, and immediately fell in love with it.

The very moment I saw my new house, everything in and around it already offered me a strong sensation of 'coming home'!

According to my realtor, the house had been inhabited by a single man, who suddenly passed away two months ago.

The man had been living here all alone for more than twenty years.

His family sold the house for a reasonable price; and I bought it without much haggling, hoping to enjoy my retirement and the rest of my life here.

Everything was in reasonable condition; and I only had to make a few minor adjustments to enjoy the feeling that, from now on, this would be MY house.

For the first time, I sat on my new porch and looked around.

A couple of twittering sparrows were playfully chasing after each other through the surrounding gardens, obviously having lots of fun.

One of them landed on the railing of my new porch, staring curiously at the newcomer it hadn't seen here before.

I smiled at the little bird; and it looked back at me as if it thought:

"Don’t you have any crumbs for me? Shame on you!"

Shaking its small head, the animal took off again, probably resuming whatever sparrows were supposed to do for a living.

Still smiling, I made a mental note to try to make a couple of little friends, starting tomorrow, by offering them some breadcrumbs.

Enjoying the nice feeling warmth of the descending afternoon sun on my face, I closed my eyes.

Slowly dreaming away, I started to look back upon my life...

A few months ago, my wife and I finally decided to go our separate ways.

Both our daughters were married and living their own lives in another town. Unfortunately, we didn't have any grandchildren to spoil.

During the last few years, my wife and I had been living in the same house, but we didn't share the bed any more.

One evening, we had an emotional talk; and then, we made our decisions. We divorced, sold our house, and went our own ways.

My wife moved towards another town, near our two daughters.

I decided to rent a temporary condominium, while looking for something more appropriate.

Now, I was the proud owner of this new home, hoping to enjoy my retirement and the rest of my life here, in peace and quiet.

All my life, I had been working as a freelance psychotherapist; helping both troubled children and their mostly desperate parents.

Finally, I had reached the so-called 'age of wisdom'. At least, I hoped so, as I was a rather bright and energetic sixty-fiver.

I stopped working and retired; planning to enjoy my well-earned freedom, and to relish the rest of my life in peace and quiet.

Today, I lounged on the porch of my new residence for the first time, dreaming away and contemplating my life.

This morning, the movers had unloaded all the cardboard boxes into my new garage, and helpfully put my too bulky possessions in place.

Now, my new sitting room held a cozy couch and two easy chairs, my kitchen was usable, and my bedroom had a comfortable waterbed.

After opening a couple of cardboard boxes and gathering the most urgent necessities, my new home was livable and ready for the night.

Tomorrow, I would empty the remaining cardboard boxes, and put everything in place.

I also needed to clean up my new yard, which looked rather overgrown and definitely needed some work.

Plus, I wanted to have a closer look at some strange spot I had found in a corner of my new backyard, after I accidentally stumbled over a couple of painted stones.

Because I didn't have a so-called 'green thumb'; to me, the spot looked just like another bunch of abundantly flowering weeds.

However, somebody seemed to have marked it out by several white cobblestones, as if it could be sort of a little garden.

Who could have placed it here, and why?

Around three o'clock in the afternoon, my old and a bit rusty muscles started to feel too tired from the unaccustomed work, and I decided to call it a day.

After brewing myself a cup of coffee, I brought a folding chair to my new porch, and sat down.

Granting myself the luxury of being lazy and enjoying the peacefulness of my new surroundings, I closed my eyes and slowly dozed off...

Within a minute, a couple of children's voices pulled me out of my reveries!

Inwardly, I muttered about the suddenly gone 'peacefulness'.

Some nosy neighborhood kids seemed to be discussing the newcomer they hadn't seen here before.

Why were these kids talking about ME?

For a moment, I couldn't believe my own ears! Which nosy kid had the audacity to call me an 'old man' or an 'old grandpa'?

Who was that kid? And, why had another kid called my new house 'Harry's house'?

Although 'Harry' was my own first name, these children couldn't possibly know that.

Of course, I felt curious about them; and certainly about why one of them thought I was 'old'!

Ultimately, I was only sixty-five years old; and, in my heart, I certainly felt much younger.

Everybody always told me I still looked relatively young, despite my grayish hair and beard.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, squinted at the bright sunlight, and looked around...

Five young children shuffled towards my new property, curiously staring at the new inhabitant they hadn't seen here before.

When they saw that I opened my eyes and looked at them, they stopped their bantering.

Hesitantly, they approached my closed gate...

"Do YOU live in Harry's house now?" a giggling small girl asked me.

"Of course, silly, can't you see that's obvious?" a slightly taller boy answered her for me.

Hmm... Apparently, the former owner of my house had been named 'Harry' as well; sort of an odd coincidence.

However, the former 'Harry' had left his house two months ago; although he did it involuntarily, by passing away.

Thus, from now on, these children would have to get used to me, being the new inhabitant and their new neighbor!

What were they waiting for, now leaning against my closed gate and staring at what the 'old grandpa' was doing?

Feeling a bit annoyed, I glared back at them.

What did these kids want from the 'old man'?

I came here to live in peace and quiet; and not to be gawked at by some curious neighborhood youth!

My new property was not a zoo, displaying 'old grandpas'!

Did they pay at the entrance?

Then, I started to chuckle inwardly, when I realized that my ego felt VERY upset with their childish words 'old man' and 'old grandpa'.

Of course, in the eyes of these young children, every grown-up with a grayish beard could be only very old...

I also felt more curious about why these kids were here.

What were they waiting for, still leaning against my gate and staring at me?

Surprisingly, my inside had a 'gut feeling' as if they wanted to talk to me!

Only, they didn't know how to initiate a conversation.

Maybe, they were waiting for ME, to take the first step?

That would be understandable from their point of view; because my 'ego' hadn't behaved too nicely, by glaring at them!

Still chuckling inwardly, I silenced my insulted ego, by unselfishly forgiving the children for calling me 'old'.

Now feeling a lot better, I decided to help them break the ice.

After all, these kids could be my new neighbors; and, if so, we were to be around each other for a long time.

I also didn't want them to think I was some grumpy grandpa or an annoyed old whiner, because I was not!

Besides, it always pays off to befriend your neighbors and their offspring.

I relaxed my frowning, and smiled at the staring children.

They reacted immediately, as if they felt relieved!

Obviously, my 'gut feeling' was right, and they really wanted to talk to me.

However, although their eyes lit up considerably, they still hesitated...

Okay, I would try to help them overcome their hesitancy.

Slowly, I raised my hand to greet them, using the universal greeting gesture.

Still smiling at the hesitating kids, I told them:

"Hello!"

The oldest boy immediately smiled back at me, lifting his own hand to greet me in return.

The boy had a warm and open face, and seemed to be a nice kid.

The other children still hesitated; probably because their parents had warned them never to talk to any 'danger strangers'...

Automatically, I started to feel a little bit cautious.

We were living in an extremely mistrustful world, where every single man easily could be seen as a potential child molester.

What would happen if their worried parents showed up, to rescue their kids from me?

In the meantime, the smallest girl started to push against the closed gate.

After the gate didn't give in, she tried to pull at it, also to no avail.

Now, she started to fumble with its rusty lock.

Suddenly, the gate opened itself with a squeaking sound; and five surprised kids tumbled over each other and into my driveway!

For a moment, they looked at each other with shocked faces.

Then, they started to shriek with laughter, while trying to disentangle from their disordered pile.

Honestly, I could not help it; although I tried to behave as a responsible grownup.

At seeing all those entangled kids in my driveway, I started to bellow with laughter!

This comical incident could easily be the catching introduction to some funny slapstick!

My heartfelt laughter seemed to convince the children that I wouldn't be too angry with them for trespassing.

After disentangling from each other, they hesitantly entered my front garden, although looking a bit warily at my reactions.

Only the oldest boy took a few more steps towards my backyard.

From there, he craned his neck, as if trying to look past my house.

Obviously not seeing what he wanted to see, he asked the others:

"Does Harry know that somebody else now lives in his house?"

This was strange. Why would the oldest boy be looking for 'Harry'?

Obviously, I had been wrong in my earlier assumption.

The former owner of my new house had died two months ago; so the 'Harry' this boy was looking for had to be somebody else!

And, why had this boy called my new abode 'his house'?

Could this 'Harry' be living in or around my house, after the former owner had passed away?

That wasn't likely; as the former owner had lived here all alone, according to my realtor.

Perhaps, the former owner had left the kids a cat, or a dog?

Yes, of course! That had to be what they were looking for!

Well, I had always liked domestic animals; and it would be fun to have a cat or a dog around.

Wanting to help the children find their lost animal, I asked them:

"What is this 'Harry' you are looking for?"

At hearing my question, the children reacted as if they felt suspicious!

They stared at me with doubtful faces, as if they didn't know what to think of such a question...

Now, I was even more curious about the 'Harry' they were looking for.

What could be their problem? Didn't they trust me to help them find their lost animal?

While beckoning them over to my porch, I told them:

"Of course, I will try to help you find Harry. Only, first, you have to tell me what kind of animal it is."

This time, the children reacted ANGRILY; as if I had insulted them!

They glared at me with affronted faces, as if they didn't understand how I could ask them such a horrible question...

I still didn't know what to think of these hostile reactions.

What could I have done wrong, at least in their eyes?

Had I really asked my little neighbors such an impossible question?

Maybe, I had unwittingly offended them...

Feeling more and more curious, I lifted both hands in surrender, while I joked:

"Of course, this 'old man' is no longer a 'stranger' to you; because I have bought this nice house and am now your new neighbor!

"Plus, although I may feel a bit sorry for asking a wrong question; I promise I will not bite any of you.

"However, as an afterthought, this 'old grandpa' might take a small nibble... but only a tiny one, to spare his false teeth."

For a moment, the children just stared at me, with confused faces...

Then, they looked at each other, trying to understand my silly joke.

Finally, they started to chuckle and nudge each other, looking relieved.

Obviously, they decided that this 'old grandpa' might be acting a bit strange; but he wasn't dangerous enough to be afraid of.

Suddenly, a boy daringly climbed the few steps to my porch.

That seemed to be the signal for take off.

Within a second, all the other children followed him, giggling while furtively pushing each other.

Five young children huddled together on my porch, still keeping some safe distance.

I estimated them to be from the age of the eight-year-old youngest girl to around the twelve-year-old oldest boy.

They seemed to be nice kids; and I already regretted my unfriendly behavior.

However, I also wondered why they were paying their new neighbor so much attention.

Was it something to do with the mysterious 'Harry' they were looking for?

Trying to rephrase my 'impossible' question, I asked them:

"Who wants to tell me some more about 'Harry'?"

Hesitantly, the children looked at me and at each other; as if they couldn't be sure whether they could trust me, or not...

Why were my young neighbors behaving so distantly?

Were they sharing some secret; and didn't they want me to find out what it was?

If so, they hadn't acted very cleverly, by mentioning 'Harry' while I could hear them...

All the time, the oldest boy had stared into my eyes, as if he didn't trust me and first wanted to find out what my real intentions were.

Now, hesitantly, he took a small step towards me.

With a slightly quivering voice, he explained:

"Harry is not an animal; he is our FRIEND! This is Jack's former house, and Harry used to be here all the time.

"Two months ago, Jack suddenly died; but Harry still cries every day, because he misses his Big Friend terribly.

"Please, sir, could you try to be nice to Harry, and not chase him away if he shows up? He still has a very difficult time..."

The slightly trembling boy had a nice and open face, with two inquisitive dark brown eyes that still pierced straight into mine.

Did I really see a few tears, welling up in his sad looking eyes?

Obviously, this boy cared very much for their friend, Harry, who still missed his deceased 'Big Friend' terribly...

A totally unexpected gut feeling suddenly welled up in my inside!

My heart was sure I RECOGNIZED this sad looking boy with his inquisitive brown eyes!

Much to my surprise, he felt like my dearest friend, or like some long-lost blood brother.

At the same time, my confused mind was sure I had never seen this boy before!

This was very strange...

The boy's sad eyes made me think of my own little brother, Joshie.

In some way, he resembled Joshie, having the same intense looking eyes and sad expression.

They could have been family.

While Joshie was still alive, he always stared at me with the same intensity; as if he knew something important that I didn't have to know yet.

Therefore, I never looked into my brother's eyes, but always immediately averted mine.

Suddenly feeling very uneasy, I pushed my unwelcome feelings out of the way.

Maybe, this boy only resembled somebody else I had once known; sort of an odd coincidence...

Only, my extremely strong feelings of recognition did not go away!

Faint 'memories' showed up in my mind, of us sitting together around a crackling campfire, talking and drinking coffee.

We were trappers of around the same age; and I had a little son who was very fond of our mutual friend and always sat on his knee.

Until a grizzly bear killed all three of us; and we went to 'heaven', where we waited to return to Earth and be together again...

Feeling shocked, my brain didn't know what to think of my unexpected 'remembrances' from a so-called 'past life'.

Therefore, I refused to accept my strange experience, and forced my confused mind to go back to the boy's answer that had clarified the 'mystery'.

Of course, 'Harry' turned out to be another boy! I should have guessed it myself.

Only, why was that other boy hiding in my backyard, instead of joining his friends on my porch?

Could 'Harry' be afraid of me; because I was the new owner of 'his' house, while he used to be here all the time with his former 'Big Friend', Jack?

Had I looked that grumpy?

In the meantime, the twelve-year-old boy still probed my eyes.

He seemed to feel more and more unsure; while his curious brown orbs now felt like staring straight into my soul.

My heart was sure that the boy had recognized me too; and he clearly felt just as surprised as I was!

Bashfully, he tried to wipe his teary eyes with a sleeve of his shirt.

Unexpectedly, I felt a couple of tears, dripping down my own face.

Had I been crying, involuntarily, while remembering my own little brother?

What the heck could be happening to me?

Was I suddenly becoming senile, at this relatively young age?

This certainly was not my normal 'professional' behavior as a well-trained psychotherapist!

Desperately, I tried to suppress my unwanted emotions.

What would these kids think of me; at seeing such a blubbering 'old grandpa'...

Feeling irritated, I worked my handkerchief out of my pocket and wiped my tears away.

With a sudden feeling of compassion, I handed my handkerchief to the sniffling boy.

The boy offered me a thankful smile.

Still heaving a couple of deep sighs, he wiped his teary eyes and blew his nose in my handkerchief.

Then, he handed the wet thing back to me, looking apologetically.

Without thinking, I stuffed it back into my pocket; involuntarily heaving a deep sigh.

Desperately, I tried to understand what could be happening to me, and why I was feeling so many disturbing emotions.

Why did I suddenly have all these strange feelings, apparently without any reason?

I was a trained psychotherapist; and should always be in control of myself, for crying out loud!

The boy continued to stare into my eyes, as if he still probed my deepest intentions.

My gut feeling told me that he wanted to tell me much more about his friend 'Harry', but still hesitated.

Obviously, he still didn't really trust me...

Out of professional habit, I switched into my therapist mode, by 'tuning in' into the boy's aura.

'Reading' the feelings and emotions of my clients always helped me see their problems clearer.

While I looked back at the still sniffling boy, I also probed his deep brown eyes, trying to see in them what could be his problem.

Immediately, I sensed a deep feeling of sadness and loneliness; as if nobody really cared for this sad boy.

After living through Jack's sudden death, he now felt even more alone.

This boy seemed to miss 'Jack' badly; just like 'Harry' seemed to miss his former Big Friend.

Maybe, the boy had seen Jack as sort of a replacement father; and he now felt abandoned...

Or, had the late Jack and this boy been Big Friends too?

Much to my surprise, another very powerful and almost overwhelming sensation of 'coming home' suddenly welled up in my shocked inside!

My heart seemed to be sure that our unexpected meeting was 'predestined'; and that my life was rapidly reaching its 'final destiny'.

After a long time of waiting, this boy and I had finally found each other; and we would be best friends again, for the remainder of our lives, including 'Harry'...

Faint 'memories' showed up in my mind; showing the grown-up boy as my best trapper friend, while 'Harry' was my own little son.

I had also been some 'Beloved Gypsy Monarch'; having the grown-up 'Harry' as my Vice Leader, while this boy had been Harry's oldest son.

This time, I really thought I was becoming senile, at this way too young age!

However, at the same time, my inside was sure that my strange 'memories from our past lives' were genuine; and that both this boy and 'Harry' belonged to me for all eternity.

Never before had I felt such a strong feeling of 'belonging' to each other; not even with my own spouse and children!

I also started to be VERY curious about the mysterious 'Harry', who obviously belonged to both me and to my 'new friend', for all eternity.

Who was 'Harry', and how could my Inside be so sure that I already knew him?

Why didn't he join his friends on my porch?

I certainly wanted to meet him!

Where could he be?

Again, I stared back into the eyes of my twelve-year-old 'new friend'.

This time, I felt like drowning in two deep brown orbs; while my heart jumped around in my chest with pure joy.

My 'gut feeling' was sure that the boy was sensing the same overwhelming feelings, making him feel at least as confused as I was.

Only, being just a young boy, he didn't know what to do; thus he tried to rely on ME, being the responsible grown-up.

Could this boy and I recognize each other from our so-called 'reincarnations' or 'past lives'?

A long time ago, an old Indian Shaman had tried to convince me about some ancient belief that our 'souls' were living temporarily in our mortal bodies.

After we died, our souls returned to our 'timeless Eternal Realm'; from where they would be reborn into another body, to gain more powers and develop even more abilities.

According to the old Shaman, I already possessed many powerful abilities; but I would be able to use them only after I had met several friends from my past lives.

In my present life, I had to fulfill an important task on Earth; but only after I met my 'former friends'.

At that time, I didn't really believe the old Shaman; although he also told me many private things he absolutely couldn't know.

However, now that I clearly met one of my 'former friends', and we seemed to recognize each other, I started to doubt.

My inside seemed to be sure that this boy and I had been best friends before, during several of our 'past lives'!

I only felt surprised that one of my 'former friends' was such a young boy.

After a moment of silence, my twelve-year-old 'former friend' went on with his explanation, still sounding a bit quivery:

"Harry used to live here all the time, in what is now your house. He and Jack were very good friends; and Jack helped Harry with everything that he needed.

"Only, we kept it a secret from everybody else; because Children's Protection Services would take Harry away and put him in an orphanage.

"Officially, Harry is in our custody; but, in reality, he lived with Jack and had his own room in the house; upstairs, second door to the left.

"Please, sir, don't betray us; because CPS would take my little brother away from us, and that would break his heart!"

Well, this clarifying answer explained quite a lot; certainly to an active psychotherapist who had supported and helped many abandoned and neglected children. Apparently, Harry was such a neglected child; and he had sought shelter with Jack, the late owner of my house.

I only wondered how Jack could have gotten around the rather bureaucratic CPS...

However, I decided to ask my own questions later on.

For the moment, I only wanted to let the children know they could trust me and had found a friend!

Again lifting both hands in surrender, I told them:

"I sincerely promise I will NEVER betray you, or any of your friends! I also promise I will try to be there for you, when and wherever I can.

"From now on, you can trust me and always count on me, because I want to be a friend. Cross my heart and hope to die."

For quite some time, all the children remained dead silent, as if they still didn't trust me.

They only stared at me with wide-open mouths.

Why didn't they look happier, now that I had offered them such a well-meant promise?

Hadn't they expected me, an 'old' grown-up, to offer them such a generous vow?

Or, had I overdone it too much, by using their silly 'children's promise'?

Suddenly, the youngest girl started to giggle, looking at me with almost adoration in her eyes.

At the same time, all the other kids started to smile broadly, while shuffling a bit closer.

Obviously, all the children decided to trust me from now on!

I had used exactly the right words.

After listening to my generous vow, my twelve-year-old boy again stared into my eyes.

This time, his eyes not only showed a lot more trust, but also a deep longing to belong to me.

My inside was now sure that my 'former friend' had recognized me too, and he wanted to be my friend again!

How would we go on from here?

Without thinking, as on autopilot, I opened my arms towards him...

Immediately, my twelve-year-old friend launched himself onto me!

Blindly, he threw himself into my open arms, clamping himself onto me with all his might.

Burying his head into my chest, to muffle his sobs, he started to cry his heart out.

Suddenly, I had a lap full of a crying twelve-year-old boy.

For heaven's sake, what should I do now? This had not been my intent!

Stealthily, I looked at the other children, who moved nearby and crowded around us.

How would they react, at seeing their friend crying on the lap of a stranger they had never seen before?

Much to my surprise, all the other kids SMILED at me and at each other!

Obviously, none of them seemed to think this could be an embarrassing situation.

Hadn't their parents warned them about blindly trusting unknown 'danger strangers' like me?

Or, were these kids already USED to seeing one of their friends crying on the lap of a grown-up?

Maybe, 'Jack' had been more familiar with his young neighbors than I presumed.

Feeling reassured by their positive reactions, I let my heart take over, and wrapped my arms around my now loudly sobbing boy.

Of course, many children had cried in my arms and on my lap, during or after their therapeutic sessions.

However, never before had I felt such an absolute trust and surrender, from a child I had met only a few minutes ago!

Obviously, this boy KNEW he would be safe with me; and that I would understand and accept him unconditionally.

Surprisingly, in my inside, it felt 'normal' to have this sobbing boy on my lap and comfort him.

My heart was sure that he and I had been helping and encouraging each other many times before!

Only, my confused brain couldn't remember when or where that had been; other than supposing we had been close friends before, in our 'past lives'...

In the meantime, the other kids started to comfort their crying friend.

Obviously, none of them thought this could be an awkward situation.

However, what would their parents think of me, a total stranger, if they found one of their crying children on my lap?

Wouldn't they immediately think the worst of it, and call the police?

We were living in an extremely mistrustful world...

Slowly, I started to feel more and more uneasy about this strange situation.

Normally, I would have been in the safe intimacy of my own consulting room; while all the parents knew me and trusted me.

Only, what could I do here, sitting on display for everybody in my neighborhood.

Should I tell my sobbing young friend to leave my lap immediately?

However, I also didn't want to reject my trusting boy.

Fortunately, after a few minutes, the boy's sobs started to diminish.

I held him close for another minute, until his death grip relaxed and his wet face showed up from my chest.

Two teary brown eyes looked up at me, while he smiled bashfully.

Then, he pulled himself together, and timidly looked around.

Having tears in my own eyes, I worked my already wet handkerchief out of my pocket.

Carefully, I wiped both his and my eyes, while looking for a relatively dry corner.

The boy looked up at me again, showing me his gratitude in his deep brown orbs.

He took my already wet handkerchief; and blew his nose in it before giving it back.

A moment later, he hopped off my lap, while a thankful smile crossed his face.

He threw his arms around my neck, and planted a warm kiss onto my bearded cheek!

Feeling very surprised, I returned the kiss onto his forehead.

Wow! This twelve-year-old boy surely was affectionate!

Did he do this to every total stranger he just met?

Or, could he have sensed the same powerful friendship that I felt...

Surprisingly, all the other kids still reacted 'normal', as if nothing unusual had happened.

They only smiled broadly at me and at their now slightly better looking friend.

Trying to dispel our built-up tension, I asked the kids:

"I don't have any sodas; but would you care for a cup of hot tea?"

All the children nodded enthusiastically, smiling even broader.

Crowding together, they sat down on the wooden floor of my porch, waiting for the things to come.

Much to my surprise, my new friend followed me inside my house!

He went straight to my kitchen, as if he already knew the way and was used to be around.

First, he went to the sink, washed his face, and dried it using the only kitchen towel I had been able to find so far.

Next, he rummaged in my cupboards without asking; and started to fill a tray with cups, milk, sugar, and a spoon.

Obviously, he already felt at home in my kitchen!

In the meantime, I had poured some water into a kettle, and put it on my electric cook top.

Fortunately, I had already found out how to utilize its confusing electric knobs.

Patiently, we waited for the water to heat up.

Unexpectedly, my young friend trustfully leaned into me!

Feeling very surprised, I put my arms around his firm frame, and held him close.

Obviously, this affectionate boy was still craving for a lot more tender loving care.

Didn't he have his own Dad, to love and cuddle him?

I also wondered why this boy and I already felt so at ease with each other.

This was very strange. unless we really knew each other from our 'past lives', and had been very close friends before...

Still, my mind refused to believe in the strange 'new age' things the old Indian Shaman had told me about.

Everybody knows that dead is dead; and death is the definite end of everything!

There had to be a more reasonable explanation, other than so-called 'reincarnation'...

After a few minutes, the water started to boil.

My new friend left my arms, while I switched off my electric cook top.

Again, he helped me, by fetching some tea from one of my cupboards.

Smilingly, I realized that the boy had found my cups and my tea effortlessly, while I couldn't even remember putting it there.

Obviously, I was really becoming a forgetful 'old grandpa'.

When our tea was ready, we returned to the porch and the still waiting kids.

I carried the kettle of hot tea, and my new friend proudly carried the filled tray.

Crowding together, we sat down on the wooden floor of my porch.

Everybody took a cup of tea, and added some milk and sugar.

Sitting together, we sipped our drinks, putting the emptied cups back onto the tray.

Now and then, we smiled at each other, already starting to feel at ease in each other's company.

2. A sad story; remembering my burnt little brother.

After we had filled our tray with the emptied cups, I decided to introduce myself, and ask my new friends for their names:

"I think this is a good time to introduce ourselves. Starting with this 'old grandpa': my first name is 'Harry'."

"Really? Are you serious?" a surprised girl piped up.

"Yes, I am really serious! Here is my identity card."

The girl blushed fiercely, while she refused to look at my ID.

Now, the other kids started to tease her, playfully telling her she was too mistrustful.

However, the girl just shrugged it off, as if she was used to their teasing and bantering.

An impish boy with long yellowish hair chuckled:

"Of course, we can trust our new neighbor, because he is only an old grandpa!"

This time, my 'old' ego felt just too insulted; and I rebuked:

"Oh yeah? Then, find out how trustworthy this 'old grandpa' really is, when some snotty-nosed boy calls me 'old'!"

After grabbing his arm, I pulled the surprised boy towards me, while I mercilessly started to tickle-torture all his sensitive spots.

Soon, the imp started to shriek and writhe, desperately trying to escape my wrath.

For a moment, he tried to tickle me back; but I was too strong for him and didn't let him win.

Then, he surrendered, by telling me:

"Okay, you win! You are not old, and I will behave from now on."

First, I admonished him with a smile:

"Next time, show a LOT more respect to this 'old grandpa'!"

The now chuckling imp immediately retorted:

"You are surprisingly strong, for such a 'not old grandpa'. Do you always torture innocent kids like me?"

"Of course I do; but especially when they call me 'old'!"

"Well, you have proven you are not THAT old. At least, not yet..."

Everybody started to laugh, telling their friend he had a valid point.

Now, the oldest girl tried to tease me; by telling me she felt sorry for Thomas, because I had tortured him almost to death before he confessed.

Chuckling, I challenged the children back, by asking them:

"Who wants to be my next victim, to be tortured to death for calling me 'old'?"

Of course, nobody volunteered.

I released Thomas; but the imp didn't leave me and just settled down on the floor next to me.

Smilingly, my twelve-year-old boy asked me:

"Shall I now introduce everybody to you? To start with me; my name is John, I am thirteen years old, and I am living five houses from here.

"The younger boy over there is my brother Mark, and he's eleven. This is my sister Maria; but she wants to be called 'Marrie'.

"That ticklish rascal is my friend Thomas, he's twelve; and the girl next to him is his sister Chrissy, and she is nine.

"Our smallest friend, Harry, is only eight years old. He is like my little brother, and we always protect him from the other kids in our neighborhood."

John looked a bit small for his thirteen years; but he was firmly built, showing me a warm and open face, deep brown eyes, and dark brown hair with little curls at the edges.

His brother, Mark, was a slender boy, with hazel eyes and wavy light brown hair. I could hardly imagine that he and John were brothers.

His sister Maria, who wanted to be called 'Marrie', was a firm looking girl; having hazel eyes and wavy light brown hair, just like her brother Mark.

Thomas seemed to be a real rascal. He had greenish eyes and yellowish hair, wearing it a bit too long for my personal taste.

His sister, Chrissy, was just a little lady; having greenish eyes and yellowish hair, just like her bigger brother. She was a bit giggly, but seemed to be a nice girl.

I liked all the kids at first sight, and felt lucky to have them as my new neighbors.

Inwardly, I was already sure we would become good friends, and that I would see them more often from now on.

However, I still had a question for John:

"There is still something I don't understand. Why should your little brother hide himself in my backyard, instead of joining you?"

Suddenly looking very sad, John started to tell me the amazing story of how, two years ago, a six year old little Gypsy boy became his 'little brother':

Two years ago, an old car with a small Gypsy caravan attached, stopped in a secluded clearing along the road.

A little boy left the caravan and approached the children, dragging a jerry can and asking them for 'watter', talking with a strange accent.

The children decided to take the little Gypsy boy to their nearest neighbor, Jack, who just started to wash his car in his driveway.

Jack helpfully provided the Gypsies with water, some fresh food, and a couple of used clothes.

Of course, the children happily assisted, by carrying everything to the caravan.

Both friendly Gypsy parents, who didn't speak our language and seemed to be very poor, thanked them abundantly.

Somebody in our village seemed to dislike Gypsies; because, in the middle of the night, their caravan was set ablaze.

The man and the woman both perished in the blazing fire. Only the little Gypsy boy survived, but he was burnt all over very badly.

A howling ambulance hurried him to a hospital, accompanied by a furious Jack who told the little boy to be brave and stay alive.

Of course, there was no insurance; but Jack paid everything for the six-year-old Gypsy boy, including all his medicines.

For several months, Jack visited his burnt little friend every day, and helped him with everything that he needed.

He comforted the boy with the loss of his parents, cheered him up, encouraged him, and taught him our language.

The same day the boy was ready to leave the hospital, Children's Protection Services took over and put the boy in an orphanage.

That morning, Jack entered an empty hospital room; and nobody could or would tell him where his little friend was.

Jack was desperate; and didn't know what to do. John found him in his driveway, curled up next to his car, crying his heart out.

Helpfully, John took Jack home, where Jack told John's parents his story of loving the little Gypsy boy from the first moment he saw him.

He had nurtured the burnt little boy in the hospital, helped him with everything, comforted him after the loss of his parents, and taught him the new language.

He had built a very strong relationship with the little orphan, and promised to take him into his house.

Now, suddenly, the hospital room was empty, and nobody seemed to know where his little friend could be!

The authorities had taken the boy without saying a word; and Jack didn't have the faintest idea what he could do now.

John's mother immediately contacted CPS; and she tried to convince them to trust Jack with guardianship over the little boy.

However, being a single male and living on his own, there was no chance Jack would ever be allowed to raise an unrelated child.

After several phone calls, and many heated discussions, John's mother and CPS reached a workable agreement.

John's parents would take the boy into their own custody; and they would raise him until he was at least eighteen years old.

That is how the burnt little Gypsy boy became John's little brother, and the special friend of all the neighborhood children.

They always protected him from too prying eyes; and they defended him from the pestering and name-calling kids in the village.

Above all, the children kept their secret a secret: little Harry lived with his Big Friend, Jack, in what was now my house.

Jack provided him with everything he needed; and little Harry had his own room in the house, upstairs, second door to the left.

That is, until two months ago, when Jack suddenly died.

Jack's house was up for sale, and the now eight-year-old Gypsy boy was passed on to John's parents.

Since then, he and John shared John's bedroom, while his belongings were stowed away in their garage...

After listening to John's sad story, everybody remained silent.

Of course, my inside felt overwhelmed by an intense feeling of compassion for the eight-year-old boy, who had to endure such an enormous burden.

Would I ever be able to help this burnt little orphan; after he first lost both parents, and now his Big Friend?

Why had life been so cruel to such a young kid?

Of course, the little Gypsy boy would always be welcome in my house!

If he wanted his 'own' room back, I would happily give it to him; upstairs, second door to the left...

I thought of the strange spot full of abundantly flowering weeds I had seen in my backyard, surrounded by white cobblestones.

Could Jack and 'little Harry' have set it up together, as his own little garden?

Could the boy still be maintaining it; not wanting to give up his 'own property'?

I looked at John, planning to ask him my questions...

However, all the children still stared intently at me, including John.

What were my friends waiting for; and what did they want me to do?

How should I make it clear I really wanted to help their little friend?

I tried to reassure them, by making a couple of promises:

"Of course, Harry will always be welcome in his 'old home'! If he wants his 'own room' back, I will happily give it to him and help him furnish it.

"All of you are always welcome in my house too. You can always count on me, and I promise I will help you with everything that I can."

Still, something was not right.

The children had listened intently; but they still kept looking at me and at each other.

Maybe, they were not satisfied with my answer and my promises?

Could I have overlooked something important?

Hadn't they told me everything?

What were they still waiting for?

After some time, John hesitantly told me, with a nervous voice:

"Sorry, sir, but I have to tell you another important thing first. My little brother is burnt very badly all over, especially his face!

"Everybody else in our village teases him, laughs at him, shoos him away, or calls him a 'freak' and an 'alien'..."

Suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, an emotional nuclear bomb exploded in my shocked inside; making my trembling body shudder and gasp for air!

Several devilishly grinning lightning bolts started to slam into my stomach, forcefully throwing me into a seizing panic!

My stomach crumpled together in sudden agony; while I fell back onto my folding chair and started to cry my heart out.

I couldn't help it.

All at once, at hearing these two so loathed words, 'freak' and 'alien', all the long forgotten memories of my own youth slammed back into my consciousness.

Like a sudden thunderclap, all my repressed remembrances returned into my mind; cruelly crushing all my so carefully built-up defenses.

Sobbingly, I felt my mind collapse into a frightening darkness; while I had to struggle with all my might to remain conscious.

Those so loathed little words, 'freak' and 'alien', irresistibly brought back my own horrible youth, as if it had been yesterday!

Now, I understood the hesitancy of the children; and why I should be nice to that poor boy and not chase him away...

Little Harry was burnt very badly all over, especially his face.

Everybody else in our village called him a 'freak' and an 'alien'.

I felt like throwing up, while the outside world started to turn around and around.

With trembling legs, I left my folding chair, and fled into the relative safety of my new house.

Stumbling over my own feet, I staggered towards my front door and wavered inside; on my way avoiding five pairs of frightened eyes.

This was too much for me!

I couldn't deal with such a terrible fate for the second time!

I came here for my retirement, and not to be saddled up with another burnt little boy...

"Dammit!" I shouted, while angrily kicking a chair across my living room,

"Why me again? What did I do wrong this time?"

Trembling all over, I slumped down onto my couch and buried my head in my hands.

Feeling desperate, I didn't know how to cope with all these suddenly returning feelings from my own horrible past.

All my long forgotten memories started to flash back into my mind; tumbling over each other, making me shudder with horror.

Although I was an experienced psychotherapist, always able to help other people with their troubled emotions, I didn't know how to help myself.

My strained body was shaking and hyperventilating, and I couldn't come out of my panic.

These so loathed memories were too much for me, after all my years of denial and trying to forget my horrible fate...

I was barely fourteen years old; and my little brother, Joshie, was eight.

My parents were out, somewhere in our neighborhood, socializing as usual.

I was lying on my own bed in my bedroom, reading a comic book.

My little brother was silently playing in his own room, as usual.

Everything in our house felt peaceful, as always.

Suddenly, my little brother started to scream, while he bolted out of his room.

Still screaming, he rushed into my bedroom in total panic, desperately crying for help.

His clothes and his hair were on fire, and he didn't know what to do!

In vain, his small hands slapped at the already blazing flames, while he screeched with agony.

He had tried to light a candle; and, somehow, something had gone awfully wrong.

At first, I didn't know how to help my burning little brother, and panicked.

Desperately, I tried to put out the flames, by slapping at them with my comic book.

However, every time, they flared up again.

What should I do now? Where were my parents?

At last, I pulled my screeching little brother into the bathroom and put him under the shower, to try to extinguish the fire.

Thankfully, that seemed to help.

Now, I raced towards his bedroom, to look for anything else that might be burning.

However, the only burnt things I saw were a couple of broken matches and a dropped candle.

Fortunately, nothing else had caught fire.

I went back to the shower; where little Joshie squirmed around under the splashing water, crying and obviously in a lot of pain.

I tried to help him, by peeling off his burnt clothes; but some skin came off too, and he screamed louder and louder.

Desperately, I tried to remember where my parents were; but I didn't know their address and couldn't leave Joshie alone.

Finally, I thought of the emergency-number, and rushed to our phone in the hallway.

Ten very long minutes later, an ambulance arrived with a howling siren, and they took my little brother to a hospital.

The next couple of months felt like a prolonged version of a horrible nightmare that didn't want to come to an end.

Day after day, I visited the hospital, to see my little brother and ask the nurses for any news.

Every day, I stared at a white little mummy, connected to a couple of blinking machines.

The nurses told me that my little brother was very lucky to be alive; and, so far, everything went relatively well.

Most of the time, the surgeons had sedated him, to suppress the pain and immobilize him after his umpteenth major surgery.

Finally, after many worrisome months, little Joshie returned home.

However, from now on, my burnt little brother looked like a 'freaky alien'...

Both hands were reduced to little stumps, he breathed through a tube in his throat, and he couldn't speak any more.

His face looked like a scary mask, with only a couple of dark holes in it.

His nose was gone; and he had lost all of his hair and was completely bald.

Very soon, my own horrible nightmare started.

My parents started to blame me for everything that had happened, because I hadn't properly looked after my little brother!

In unison, they decided to help me 'develop some more responsibility'; by teaching me a lesson I would never forget.

From now on, I had to take my burnt little brother with me, whenever I left the house.

The first time I took my burnt little brother outside our house, was a real nightmare.

Everybody stared at us and laughed at Joshie, calling him a 'freak' and an 'alien'.

I had a terrible time; until I taught myself to shut off all my feelings.

Then, I just dragged my little brother along, without looking around.

Joshie never protested, and obediently walked at my side, with his little stump in my hand.

Soon, all my former 'friends' left me alone; trying to avoid my little brother.

Whenever Joshie and I happened to meet them, they started to snicker while disappearing as fast as they could.

Or, they told each other silly jokes about 'landed aliens' and 'freaky nightmares'...

At last, I started to feel more and more depressed.

Many times, I thought about leaving this hell, by committing suicide.

However, I didn't want to cause Joshie any more problems, in addition to the difficulties he already had.

Ultimately, all this was MY fault, according to my parents...

Fortunately, for him and for me, Joshie suddenly died.

From now on, I was 'free' again, and allowed to go out without dragging my little brother along.

Only, I didn't know how to cope with my newly regained freedom, and cried and cried.

My parents tried to comfort me; by telling me they still loved me.

However, I didn't believe them any more, and just went on crying.

Unfortunately for me, I turned out to be right.

Soon, both of them turned against me and started to blame me again.

The day after I became eighteen years old, I left home and rented a room in another town.

Before I left home, I raided my dad's wallet and emptied my mom's emergency strongbox, to buy my first couple of necessary things.

How would I be able to survive here, as a newly liberated bachelor?

Hesitantly, I went to a local store, and applied for a job.

Fortunately, the store owner hired me and offered me a good wage.

A couple of months later, I read in the local newspapers about a new foundation.

Some wealthy people wanted to help poor but gifted students, by offering them a scholarship.

Hesitantly, I applied.

I was tested, and they told me I was very bright and would be able to achieve anything I wanted.

They would be very happy to have me as one of their first fully supported students!

I could start immediately.

Several years later, I graduated cum laude as a psychotherapist.

I rented a nice apartment in some huge town; and started to work as a freelancer, advertising to help troubled children and their parents.

Soon, all my clients told me I was an excellent therapist, having an astonishing insight into what desperate children needed...

After a couple of years as a bachelor, I married a befriended colleague, and we had two beautiful and lovable daughters.

During all those years, I had desperately tried to forget everything about my burnt little brother and my own horrible youth.

I had also thoroughly trained myself to repress, always and immediately, every disturbing thought about my difficult past.

After many years of pushing my emotions into the background, all my feelings of guilt seemed to have disappeared completely.

Finally, I was able to help troubled eight-year-old boys without immediately thinking of my own little brother.

I even started to feel relatively happy and enjoy my life as it was...

That is, until I met five young neighborhood children, who showed up in front of my new house and called me an 'old grandpa'.

They tumbled into my driveway, started to laugh, and we became friends.

Then, John told me that everybody else called his burnt little brother a 'freak' and an 'alien'...

At that same moment, all emotional hell broke loose in my severely shocked inside!

As nuclear bombs, all my so carefully repressed feelings of guilt and shame exploded, forcefully breaking through all my so carefully built-up defenses.

My extreme reaction told me that I had only pushed away all my anger and sorrows; without ever dealing properly with the still underlying and repressed trauma.

Little Joshie was burnt on his face and his hands, but I am still burnt in my soul!

I can still feel the pain, the shame, and all the humiliations from that time...

I certainly can NOT stand another burnt little boy like Joshie around!

Or, can I?

As a psychotherapist, I knew that an unexpected confrontation with a similar incident sometimes brings forth all the old and repressed traumas; and often even cures them.

Perhaps, that burnt little Gypsy boy would be able to release my old pain, and comfort my still crying soul?

Only, I dreaded the undoubtedly very painful confrontation.

Plus, I didn't want to misuse a little boy's misery for my own profit...

Still feeling numb, I left my couch and dragged myself to the kitchen, to wash my face and drink some water.

That helped a little bit; and my strained body recovered somewhat and slowly started to feel less shaky.

After taking a deep breath, I FORCED myself to regain my composure and re-gather all my strength immediately.

Fortunately, I had taught myself how to do this, during all those horrible years of repression and denial.

Within a few minutes, I had fought down all my troubling emotions, and started to become my 'joyful' normal self again.

Now, I thought of the still waiting children on my porch.

How would my young neighbors feel; after I suddenly started to cry, and left them alone without giving them a proper explanation?

Would they still be waiting for the blubbering 'old grandpa'?

I hurried back to my porch; planning to offer them my excuses and another cup of tea.

The children were gone, obviously tired of waiting for the so weirdly behaving 'old man'.

Feeling guilty, I slumped down on my folding chair; hoping my young friends would show up again and accept my humble excuses.

However, the street was empty, and it remained empty.

After waiting in vain for quite some time, I gave up.

I closed my eyes, and started to look back upon my own difficult youth...

I was sure had loved my own little brother.

Little Joshie had been the younger brother every kid in the world would wish for.

He seemed to be my little shadow. Wherever I went, he always followed me.

Always when I was at home, he was there too, silently staring at me with a knowing expression in his deep brown eyes; as if the little imp knew something that I didn't need to know yet.

My little brother never bothered me.

He just always was there, quietly playing in his room, or sitting at our table in the living room.

Of course, at that time, nobody had heard of future inventions like 'television' or 'internet'.

Sometimes, we listened to our old radio, or we played a game; until it was time to go to bed.

My parents were always busy, or socializing in our neighborhood.

Before they went away, they always told me they trusted me enough to leave us alone; from the time when I was twelve years old and Joshie was six.

Indeed, my little brother and I never had any problems.

We were always in perfect harmony with each other; even after the little duffer did something stupid with a burning candle.

How strange...

Now that I had closed my eyes, I could have SWORN I felt little Joshie around!

That was impossible, of course, because my little brother had been dead and buried for more than fifty years.

However, I had a very strong sensation as if he could be here, on my new porch, watching me from quite nearby...

Again, I had the so well known feeling of being in perfect harmony with my little brother.

I even opened my eyes and looked around, almost expecting to see little Joshie staring at me with his knowing eyes.

Of course, nobody was there, and I was all alone on my porch.

Now, I felt a bit silly.

Slowly, the feeling of not being alone became stronger.

Even with open eyes, I could sense my little brother watching me, although I still didn't see anybody around.

Surprisingly, the unusual feeling absolutely didn't alarm or frighten me.

On the contrary; in some way, my inside felt reassured, as if everything was all right now!

Could little Joshie be a so-called 'guardian angel' the old Indian Shaman once told me about, watching over me from 'the beyond'?

Only, my rational brain didn't believe in those weird 'new-age' things...

Suddenly, the feeling changed, as if my little brother urged me to look around.

At the same time, a faint voice in my inside 'told' me to look at the back of my garden!

Or, did I make these strange sensations up in my own mind?

I wasn't sure...

Although I again felt a bit silly, I decided to listen to the strange voice in my inside.

I turned my folding chair around, and looked at a thick bush in a corner of my backyard.

At the same time, I wondered what could be happening to me.

Was I now turning into one of those weird 'new-age' believers I always despised?

A moment later, I was sure I saw some tiny movement in that thick bush, while a few branches swayed all on their own!

Much to my surprise, my 'guardian angel' was right.

Somebody WAS hiding inside that thick bush, probably staring at me.

Who could be hiding in that thick bush?

My first thought was: 'Some nosy neighborhood kid is spying on the old grandpa.'

However, why should any kid in our village do such a silly thing?

Then, another thought popped up in my mind: 'This could be Harry.'

At that thought, my heart jumped up in my chest with pure joy!

My inside reacted with a strangely happy feeling; as if my dearest dreams finally started to fulfill themselves.

Again, I sensed the same feeling I had felt before; as if I was rapidly reaching my 'final destiny'.

As if meeting this little Gypsy boy was what I had been waiting for all my life...

Faint 'memories' showed up in my inside, of a huge grizzly bear attacking my little son, while I had only a small knife in my hand to rescue him.

Now, I had to restrain myself with all my might, from running towards that moving bush and take my poor little son into my arms!

My heart wanted to embrace my boy; to bring him to 'safety' and never let him go again.

Fortunately, my 'normal' brain was still working, telling me that such wild behavior would almost certainly scare the kid away.

Carefully, so as not to alarm the little spy, I sat back on my chair and forced myself to relax.

To play it even safer, I closed my eyes, while secretly peeking through my eyelashes.

By pretending to be asleep, I hoped the hiding little boy would show up and let me see some more of himself.

Meanwhile, by 'tuning in' into the burnt little Gypsy orphan, I opened my heart towards him and sent him as much love as I was able to muster.

In my mind, I 'told' him that he could trust me and would be very welcome in his old home.

Then, I waited...

Within a few seconds, I saw the same little movement again, as if the boy had taken a small step towards me.

Obviously, his inside had picked up my love and my thoughts, and he reacted to the feeling of being welcome.

Now, I saw a pair of bright blue eyes; curiously peeking through a small gap in the bush, trying to have a better look at me.

For a moment, I felt surprised, while peeking back at the blue eyes through my eyelashes.

Did I really see a pair of bright blue eyes, staring at me from within that bush?

Only, John had told me that his little brother was of Gypsy origin!

And, so far, I always thought that all Gypsies had dark brown eyes.

Maybe, this child was not 'little Harry', but someone else?

Well, it didn't really matter.

Again, I opened my heart towards the hiding child; sending it all the love that I could muster.

Inwardly, I spoke to the little spy, hoping he or she would pick up my honest intentions, and trust me enough to show up.

However, I waited and waited; but nothing happened.

The child didn't move any more, and just stayed where it was.

Only its blue eyes blinked from time to time, telling me it was still alive and kicking.

After a long time of waiting in vain, I decided to take some more risk.

I only hoped I wouldn't be too impatient, and scare the hiding child away...

Slowly, I opened my eyes, and looked directly at where I saw the pair of bright blue eyes.

Then, I raised my hand in a greeting gesture, and waved.

Within a split second, the thick bush moved wildly!

A small boy bolted out of its backside and raced towards the adjoining yard, nearly tripping over his own little feet.

Then, he was gone.

Damn! This had not been my intent!

I had clearly been too impatient, in my eagerness to see some more of the hiding kid.

Why hadn't I waited for the shy little boy, until HE would be ready to take the next step...

Feeling disappointed, and being angry with myself, I rose from my folding chair.

Slowly, I sauntered back into my house and closed my front door.

Absent-mindedly, I started to unpack the next cardboard box and stow my belongings away.

In the meantime, my mind started to brood about what could have gone wrong.

Why was that little boy so scared of me?

Could he be afraid I would laugh at him, because of his burnt face?

Of course, the boy didn't know that I was USED to seeing a burnt boy.

Would I ever be able to tell him the story of my own burnt little brother?

Perhaps, the little boy would be too scared to show up again.

Probably, I wouldn't see him back for a long time.

That would be very sad, because I really wanted to meet him...

Because I was unable to put the burnt little boy out of my mind, I decided to do something else that always helped me see things more clearly.

I went to my living room, sat down on my couch, and closed my eyes.

Then, I started to relive what I had seen so far of the hiding little boy.

'Reliving' often gave me a lot more insight into an otherwise too difficult client case...

I started to relive the moment when I saw little Harry for the first time, secretly peeking at me from within a thick bush.

Two bright blue eyes had stared at me, trying to see some more of the 'old grandpa'.

Then, I became too impatient, and waved at him; hoping he had picked up enough of my love, and would trust me enough to show up.

A little boy bolted out of the thick bush, and stormed into the adjoining backyard.

He seemed to be a bit small for his eight years; but showed me a surprisingly strong physique.

I hadn't seen his burnt face; but I was sure I had seen a mop of unruly blond hair on his head.

Now, I started to doubt again. Didn't all Gypsies have dark hair?

Of course, as a well-trained psychotherapist, I was very good at reading 'emotional reactions' and 'primary body language'.

Therefore, I started to recall the boy's movements while he ran away.

At the same time, I combined my observations with what my 'gut feeling' had sensed while I tried to 'read' his staring blue eyes.

Surprisingly, I felt an astonishing amount of self-consciousness and Inner Awareness!

The boy also showed me something VERY special in his proud demeanor I could only describe as an aura of Pure Aristocracy, as if this boy could be a little Prince...

Or, did all Gypsy children possess such an enormous amount of Inner Power?

My inside was sure that this proud boy was NOT afraid of me; and he would never be!

His inside had been afraid; but only to be rejected for the umpteenth time, once I would see his so terribly burnt face.

That was the real reason why he turned around and fled away; because his inside had been afraid of being disappointed again.

Obviously, too many people had reacted shocked, or shooed him away, when they saw his burnt face for the first time...

Surprisingly, I felt a strong emotional connection to the boy; as if I already knew him!

Therefore, my inside was able to know how he felt, by just sensing his mood.

By sensing his sad feelings, my inside was sure that, at this very moment, he was regretting his panic and crying his heart out!

Or, was I making my 'inner knowing' up in my mind?

Now, my thoughts drifted towards my five young friends.

Had they already told their little friend about my strange behavior; although they couldn't know why I suddenly started to cry?

Of course, they didn't have the faintest idea why 'the old grandpa' suddenly left them alone...

I only hoped they wouldn't think it had been their fault, or that I had been mad at them.

For a moment, I thought about going for a walk, hoping to meet the children and offer them my excuses.

However, I took the coward's way out, and stayed home.

That same night, for the first time since my horrible youth and Joshie's sudden death, I had a frightening nightmare.

The night was pitch dark; and, in a secluded clearing along a road, a small Gypsy caravan was attached to an old car.

Two men sneaked towards the caravan and threw some liquid at it, followed by a burning match.

Almost immediately, everything was on fire!

A little boy came stumbling out of the caravan door; burning like a torch, and crying for help with a surprisingly deep baritone voice.

Desperately, I tried to struggle towards the poor child; but my feet were stuck in mud, and I couldn't reach him.

Although I yelled and screamed for anybody to help the poor boy, nobody seemed to hear me.

Feeling devastated, I woke up, still screaming for help.

Just before my body woke up completely, a warm and soulful voice in my inside told me:

"Your boy needs you!"

Again, I sensed the feeling of being in perfect harmony with my own little brother!

This time, my heart was SURE that little Joshie was watching over me as my 'guardian angel'.

At the same time, my inside was sure that I had heard the grown-up voice of 'Jack', the deceased former owner of my house.

Only, don't ask me how I was sure it had been Jack's voice.

Hearing Jack's warm and soulful voice in my inside had been a reassuring feeling.

His powerful love had told me that everything was all right now.

I had received his message, and could go back to sleep.

Within a few minutes, I disappeared into a sound and dreamless sleep, without any more nightmares.

3. A talk with John; and seeing my 'guardian angel'.

The next morning, I woke up with the bright morning sun, peeking through a crack in my curtains and tickling my eyes.

For a moment, I seemed to have forgotten where I was, or what I was doing here, lying in a strange bed in some foreign looking bedroom...

Then, I started to chuckle; remembering my new house, my five young friends, my nightmare, and Jack's warm voice in my inside.

Maybe, rascal Thomas had been right, and I really was a forgetful 'old grandpa'.

After dragging myself out of bed, I ambled downstairs, to look for some toiletries in my still unopened cardboard boxes.

After some searching, I found a toothbrush, a comb, and a bar of soap, and took the only usable towel I could find.

Feeling like a stranger in my new house, I washed my face, combed my hair, and got dressed.

Thinking about John, I pulled my still wet handkerchief out of my pocket and threw it into the hamper.

Fortunately, I had found three clean ones, and stuffed them into my pockets.

However, where was the huge packet of tissues I had brought from my old home?

I was sure it had to be in one of the cardboard boxes!

However, so far, I hadn't been able to find it.

Still feeling like a stranger in my new house, I prepared some decent breakfast and my first cup of coffee.

Stealthily hoping to see a few neighborhood children, I took everything to my porch, and sat down on my folding chair.

However, nobody showed up, and our street remained empty.

Even the thick bush in my backyard remained silent.

Could my young neighbors be afraid of me; after my rather peculiar behavior?

Would they try to avoid my house from now on?

Would I ever see them again, especially John and his burnt little brother?

Perhaps, they went shopping with their parents; or, they had to do a couple of chores first.

Would they show up this afternoon, so that I could make my excused?

Feeling a bit tired from my own thinking; I closed my eyes.

Slowly, I started to enjoy the warmth of the morning sun and the quietness of my new surroundings.

This was my new home; and I would make the best of it, with or without my neighborhood kids and their burnt little friend.

I only hoped I would see them again soon...

Suddenly, I sat upright, feeling very surprised about myself!

Why, for heaven's sake, was I thinking about these KIDS all the time?

They were not my clients, I had never seen them before, and I had spoken to them once, for crying out loud!

Yet, these children seemed to rule my life and dominate my thoughts, especially John and his little Gypsy brother.

Was I really becoming senile, at this way too young age?

Never before had I felt this dependent on others!

Since yesterday, my whole life seemed to revolve around John and his burnt little Gypsy brother.

As if they now were the center of my universe, and the real meaning of my existence...

What the heck was HAPPENING to me?

Where had I left my own free will?

This certainly was not my usual 'professional' behavior.

I had to take this situation back into my own hands immediately!

Perhaps, I had to have an honest therapeutic look at myself first.

Maybe, after I had cleared my inner thoughts, my mind would be at peace again...

Leaning back onto my folding chair, I started to relive everything that had happened, now focusing on myself.

First, I recalled five neighborhood children, leaning against my closed gate and staring at me.

The youngest girl fumbled with its rusty lock, and all the kids tumbled over each other and into my driveway, shrieking with laughter.

Fortunately, I liked children. I always enjoyed working with them, or helping them overcome their problems.

Everybody always told me I was an excellent therapist, with a lot of love and understanding for my troubled little clients.

Next, I recalled the oldest boy; who stepped towards my backyard, looked around, and asked where 'Harry' was.

Because I thought 'Harry' could be an abandoned animal, we first had a misunderstanding.

Then, unexpectedly, my heart RECOGNIZED this boy; as if he already was my dearest friend and I had known him all my life.

A moment later, I had the thirteen-year-old boy on my lap, clamping onto me with all his might while crying his heart out!

Obviously, the boy had recognized me too; and he seemed to trust me absolutely.

Up to now, as a trained psychotherapist, I had been able to control my own feelings, always and everywhere.

However, immediately after John told me the sad story of his burnt 'little Gypsy brother', all my so carefully built up defense mechanisms fell into shambles!

For the first time since my own horrible youth, I lost my self-control and started to cry my heart out.

This time, the 'therapist' needed a therapist...

Surprisingly, I had a suspicious gut feeling that somebody else could have PLANNED our meeting, wanting to bring us together!

Could Jack, the former owner of my house and the Big Friend of that burnt little Gypsy boy, have had a hand in this?

Had Jack WANTED John and me to meet each other, knowing I was a trained psychotherapist and should be able to help his burnt little tenant?

Only, Jack's body was dead and buried; and my mind refused to believe in any 'ghostly' or 'spiritual' influences from 'the beyond'!

Dead was dead; and death was the definite end of everything!

There HAD to be some other reasonable explanation.

That is, unless my rational mind could be wrong in its assumptions; and 'past lives' were a reality we had to reckon with...

Could my old Indian Shaman be right, after all?

Why was I again feeling little Joshie around me, as if he still watched over me as some 'guardian angel' or 'spirit guide'?

Why was, at the same time, my heart sure that I again felt Jack around me, who was the former owner of my house?

The strange feeling was becoming stronger and stronger, so that I couldn't deny it any longer.

Both Jack and little Joshie WERE around me; making me sense the same perfect harmony that I always felt around my little brother!

Only, my mind still stubbornly refused to accept the unthinkable.

Dead was dead; and death was definitely the end of everything!

Feeling uneasy, I fled from my folding chair and went inside.

Trying to distract my still protesting mind, I started to unpack the next pile of cardboard boxes and put its contents away.

However, within a second, I was again brooding about where the children could be now.

Had they already forgotten about me?

Or, had they decided to play somewhere else; and were they avoiding my house from now on?

That would be very sad...

Suddenly, my doorbell rang, loudly reverberating through the hallway and harshly shaking me out of my reveries!

Shuddering from the unexpected noise, I made a mental note to buy myself a much friendlier doorbell, the next time I went downtown.

How could Jack ever have lived with such a harsh and unfriendly sounding thing in his house?

Muttering, I left my pile of boxes and went to my front door, planning to brush off the unwelcome visitor I was sure I hadn't invited.

This could be only some sales representative, trying to sell the 'new proprietor' some insurance I wasn't interested in at all...

Still muttering, I opened my front door. and stared speechless and open-mouthed at my young friend, John!

After ringing the bell, John had politely stepped back into my front garden.

From there, he looked up at me with a teary face, showing a lot of pain and desperation in his deep brown eyes.

At seeing my young friend back, my heart jumped up in my chest with pure joy!

The children hadn't forgotten me; and I might still be able to meet that burnt little Gypsy boy!

Where were my other friends? Had they sent John as their representative?

I opened my front door wide, and happily invited John in:

"Hi, my friend; it's good to see you again! Please, come in."

John responded nervously, while trying to read my eyes:

"Please, sir; can I. err. sorry, may I have a talk with you?"

"Yes; of course you may! In fact, I wanted to have a talk with you as well. Let's go to the kitchen."

Hesitantly, John entered my house, where he politely waited for me to shut my front door.

Then, he followed me to my kitchen, still keeping some safe distance.

On our way, I snatched another spare folding chair from my hallway closet.

Fortunately, I had purchased quite a lot of them, to be prepared for any unexpected visitors.

After I put the second folding chair into place, John and I sat down at the kitchen table, facing each other.

Trying to let him feel more welcome, I smiled at my young friend and winked at him.

John smiled back at me, but he still didn't say a word.

Obviously, he didn't know how to start his talk with me.

Okay, again, it seemed to be up to me to break the ice:

"Sorry, but my refrigerator is nearly empty. Would you care for a cup of tea, coffee, or maybe hot chocolate?"

"Could I have milk instead, please? I don't like hot chocolate."

"Yes, of course. Help yourself; while I brew another cup of coffee."

John seemed to remember where I had put my drinking glasses, because he went straight to a cupboard and took one.

Next, he went to the refrigerator, and carried the milk to the table.

In the meantime, I brewed my second cup of coffee, and added two lumps of sugar.

We sat down again, sipping our drinks in silence, now and then smiling at each other.

After we finished our drinks, I opened our conversation:

"John, I feel VERY sorry for my rude behavior! Yesterday, I really hadn't planned to leave everybody alone on my porch.

"However, those two terrible words, 'freak' and 'alien', made me remember my own burnt little brother and my own horrible youth..."

Again, I felt tears welling in my eyes.

At the same time, John sat more upright, looking concerned.

At seeing John's worried reaction, I spontaneously decided to tell him everything that had happened with my little brother and me.

My heart was already sure I could trust my young friend; and that he would never misuse any of my private confessions.

Plus, my inside again 'remembered' he once was my dearest friend, and we had been talking and listening to each other many times before...

Again, vague 'memories' showed up in my mind, of us sitting around a crackling fire, talking to each other and drinking coffee.

We were best friends; and he always babysat my little baby, while I was in town to sell pelts or exchange them for food and other necessities.

My wife had died in childbirth; and I had to raise my little son all alone, until the imp was old enough to help me catch our animals and prepare them.

Suddenly, a hungry grizzly bear killed all three of us; and we went back to our timeless Eternal Realm, where we met all our other Friends and Spiritual Helpers...

Feeling rather shocked, I shook my head to get rid of my strange memories, while forcing myself to return into the 'here and now'.

I didn't WANT to remember any 'past lives' or 'reincarnations', although my heart told me they were the truth.

Every sane and normal person knows that death is the definite end of everything!

Why should I think otherwise, only because I once met some old and senile Indian Shaman?

Concentrating on my young friend, I told him everything that had happened with little Joshie.

I started with picturing how my little brother and I always were in perfect harmony with each other.

That is, until the little duffer put his hair and his clothes on fire, while trying to light an unwilling candle.

John looked a bit pale when I told him how I panicked; and how my screeching little brother lost some burnt skin.

Then, I thought of the emergency number; and an ambulance brought Joshie to a hospital.

Day after day, I visited a silent white little mummy; until my little brother finally returned home, as a mute cripple.

John shuddered while I told him how my parents blamed me for Joshie's ordeal and wanted to teach me some more responsibility.

They forced me to take my badly burnt little brother with me, when and wherever I wanted to go outside.

John got tears in his eyes when I told him how everybody laughed at my burnt little brother, and called him a 'freak' and an 'alien'.

Finally, I told John about Joshie's liberating death; and about my suppressed feelings of guilt and shame.

Joshie went to heaven and was free; but I am still feeling the searing fire in my own soul!

Silently, I looked out my kitchen window, staring at the playing sparrows that still chased after each other through my backyard.

This time, I didn't really see them; because my mind lingered in my own horrible past, reliving my old pain and all those humiliations.

My eyes filled with tears and started to drip; but I was unaware of their wetness, still dwelling in my own sad world full of agony...

Suddenly, I felt two comforting arms around my shoulders.

A hand started to stroke my wet face, gently wiping my dripping tears away.

Unseen, John had left his chair and walked around the kitchen table to comfort me.

Gently, he started to massage my shoulders; while whispering words I didn't understand but they felt good.

One time, I was sure I heard him say:

"Don't bottle it up! Within a few minutes, you will feel a lot better."

What wisdom in such a relatively young child; although I was sure I had heard these same wise words before.

Slowly, I woke up from my deep sadness; feeling quite a lot better.

This so caring thirteen-year-old boy must have a real gold mine in his heart, overflowing with pure love and tenderness!

Wow, what a special child was he!

Within a few minutes, nearly all my bad memories had faded away; and my inside started to feel like being born again.

Feeling very thankful for his invaluable help, I put my arms around my young friend and pulled him close.

Immediately, John settled down onto my lap, cozily nestling into my arms.

From there, he looked up at me, showing me a broad smile on his face and a warm love in his brown eyes.

Because my face was still wet, I worked my three clean handkerchiefs out of my pocket.

First, I used one of them, to wipe both John's tears and mine.

Then, we both blew our noses in the remaining two.

Helpfully, John took all three handkerchiefs, folded them, and put them onto the kitchen table.

Wow! My young friend was a lot tidier than I had been at that age...

John nestled into my arms; and something wonderful happened between my young friend and me that I could only describe as a magically growing feeling of mutual and powerful love.

My inside was SURE that John and I would be friends forever; although, he was only a young boy and I was an 'old grandpa'.

In several 'past lives', we had been best friends of around the same age...

After a long time of sitting together and enjoying each other's company, John sighed:

"Sorry, sir, but I have to go to the bathroom."

He hopped off my lap, turned around, put his arms around my neck, and offered me a long and warm kiss on my bearded cheek.

Wow! I really started to love my so affectionate young friend more and more!

My inside was now sure that John really was my long-lost and finally re-found friend from several of our past lives.

Apart from that, in this life, he certainly was working his way deeply into my heart.

Feeling wonderful, I returned the kiss onto John's wrinkling nose.

That made him snicker and wipe the kiss away, while he helpfully pulled me to my feet.

Walking together, pushing each other around like little children, we went to the hallway.

After waiting for each other to bless the ceramic god, we went back to the kitchen to wash our hands and teary faces.

Teasingly, we splashed some water at each other; until I grabbed John and tried to put his head under the streaming water tap.

My teasing action made John growl and snicker:

"You are mean! Just wait until I am older and stronger, and you are a senile old man."

Chuckling at his playful antics, I took the only kitchen towel I had been able to find so far; and offered one side of it to John.

Teasingly, we tried to dry each other; while playfully mock-fighting to have some more of the same towel.

It took some time; but, at last, our faces and hands were more or less dry.

After we went back to the kitchen table and sat down, I told John:

"Thank you very much, my young friend, for listening to my story and comforting me. Your support helped me tremendously!

"You are a nice thirteen-year-old cuddle bear, with a big heart full of love and understanding, and I feel very happy to have you as my friend."

With a big smile on his face, John responded:

"You are very welcome, sir; and your cuddles and warm support have helped ME too!

"You too are a lovable cuddle bear; with an enormous heart full of love, and I feel very happy to be your friend!

"Yesterday, we were afraid you would be angry with us; because you suddenly left us. But, now, I understand why you did it.

"Thank you very much, for trusting me and telling me your sad story. Now, I am sure I want to be your friend for always!

"Last night, I couldn't sleep from sadness; and Harry felt irritated and dived into his own bed, because I couldn't stop sobbing and kept him awake.

"Besides, I told Harry about our meeting; but he already knew what had happened, and he regrets fleeing away after you waved at him.

"He confessed that he was a bit afraid of you; because you seemed to be angry and kicked a chair around in your living room."

"Yes, I remember kicking a chair around in my desperation. Only, I didn't know that Harry was spying on me."

"Harry has always been very good at spying and hiding, because of his Gypsy nature and hunting in some mountain forest.

"He also confessed that he was too scared to let you see his burnt face."

"Yes, I know; and I am sorry for blowing my chance to meet him."

"Sorry, sir; but I am sure you did not blow any chances! Now, Harry knows that you accept him and care about him.

"Only, he is still afraid of being disappointed or rejected. Too many people have laughed at him or called him names, after they saw his burnt face for the first time.

"You know; Jack, was everything to him. Officially, Harry lives in our house; but, in reality, he was always with Jack.

"Here, he had his own room with all his belongings; upstairs, second door to the left.

"Jack also tutored him, and always helped him with everything that he needed.

"Jack also visited him every day, when he had to be in a hospital for his next operation.

"I think that Jack was Harry's father, his mother, and his best friend, all in one..."

John fell silent, furtively wiping a few stray tears from his face.

Where the heck had I left my huge packet of tissues, now that I needed it?

Probably, it was still packed away in one of my unopened cardboard boxes.

Hesitantly, I took the used handkerchiefs from the kitchen table, and offered them to John.

With a grateful smile, John unfolded the package and searched for a dry corner.

Fortunately, he was able to find a relatively dry spot, and used it to wipe his tears away.

Then, he went on, sounding a bit shivery:

"In about a week, Harry has to go back to the hospital. This time, the doctors will try to loosen some tight skin and give him a better nose and lips.

"Of course, Harry has been in a hospital many times before; but he has never felt so alone and scared. I am sure he now misses Jack terribly!

"His Big Friend always cheered him up and let him see the positive side of everything, even when all the things in his life seemed to go wrong.

"Two months ago, in the middle of the night, Jack sent Harry in a hurry to our house, to wake my Mom and me; because he didn't feel too well.

"By the time we arrived, Jack was dead; but he had a smile on his face, as if he knew he had done the right thing by sending Harry away in time!

"Since that night, Harry lives with us, and we share my room. Every night, he crawls into my bed, because he hates sleeping alone.

"Yesterday, Harry confessed he still feels Jack's spirit around; and that Jack told him he likes the new owner of his old house. I think that has to be you..."

Hesitantly, John looked up at me, showing some fear in his eyes.

Would I reject the possibility of Jack's spirit contacting his little brother?

Or, would I now tell him to shut up and stop telling lies.

Too many people are afraid of so-called 'spirits' or 'ghosts'; and they tend to run away from such a 'new-age believer'...

How would my young friend react, if I told him I had felt Jack's spirit around myself?

Would he believe me?

Or would he think I had made up some story, to reassure him and make him feel better...

At the same time, my heart was absolutely sure I could tell John everything about my own strange experiences, without any fear.

The boy seemed to have a very open mind; and, strangely, my inside was sure that Jack's spirit had contacted John as well!

John only wanted to play it safe, before he told me more...

Deciding to listen to my own heart, I answered:

"To be honest, I have felt Jack's spirit too, yesterday, when he pointed me to my backyard where your little brother spied on me.

"Last night, after I had a nightmare, I heard Jack's voice in my inside, telling me that your little brother needs me.

"I am very happy to know that Harry's 'Big Friend' is around him and still watches over him!"

With a beaming face and sparkling eyes, John exclaimed:

"I KNEW you would be one of us! I just knew it. Now, I am SURE that Jack's spirit brought you towards his old house, to be Harry's new Big Friend.

"I am certain that you and Harry will become very good friends, because Harry needs another Big Friend in his life. He just cannot cope without one."

Of course, I wanted to help the burnt little Gypsy boy, who needed a 'Big Friend' in his life and just couldn't cope without one!

Could this have been Jack's real intent; when he pointed me to his former house and let me buy it for such a low price?

Had Jack arranged our meeting; knowing that a trained psychotherapist was going to live in his former house?

Or, had my deceased little brother, Joshie, pointed me to Jack's and Harry's former house?

Another speculative thought crossed my mind.

Could Jack and Joshie be 'Big Friends' too, in wherever they were living now; in 'heaven', or in 'the beyond'?

Could they have been working together, to let me buy Jack's former house?

That would explain why I always felt Joshie's energy around me, while I heard Jack's grown-up voice in my inside.

Only, my rational mind still refused to believe in any possible 'life after death'; or in any 'messages from the beyond'.

My brain was still sure that 'dead was dead'; and anything else could be nothing more than some silly so-called 'new-age' belief...

Despite what I had told John, my strange experiences COULD have been a weird product of my own imagination.

Perhaps, I would be able to change my mind after somebody PROVED the existence of so-called 'past lives' to me.

Of course, that would never happen.

However, I still wanted to meet that burnt little Gypsy boy and help him; especially after Jack's warm voice had told me:

'Your boy needs you.'

Clearly, Jack had already assumed that Harry would be MY boy...

Only, why would 'my boy' need ME, being and old and retired psychotherapist who didn't 'work' anymore?

Wasn't there another therapist around him, who would be much younger and more qualified to help such a young child?

Maybe, the little Gypsy boy didn't even speak our language correctly; because he had lived here for only two years, mostly in a hospital.

Chuckling inwardly, I recognized one of my famous 'play it safe' evading tricks.

Was my cleverly dodging inside again trying to escape from my emotional responsibility?

Of course, I WOULD help my burnt little orphan, who had already stolen my heart!

Would John be able to convince my little namesake to join him to my house?

Or, would 'little Harry' now be too scared, after he fled from my backyard; and would he now try to stay away from me?

I decided to give it a chance, and asked John:

"John? Please, could you try to convince your little brother to pay me a visit? I really would like to meet him.

"Maybe, you could tell him first that I am already used to seeing a boy with a burnt face, because of my own little brother."

John's face started to beam, while he exclaimed:

"That is a wonderful idea! Sure, I will tell Harry everything about you and your own little brother; so that he knows he doesn't need to be scared.

"Thank you, for wanting to meet him. I promise I will bring him here, without letting him run away again! You can count on me."

We left our folding chairs, and stepped towards the kitchen door.

Unexpectedly, John turned around and jumped up at me; trustfully letting me catch his rather heavy frame in midair!

The sudden impact made my poor old spine groan with the effort; but I was able to catch my young friend without going down.

John threw his arms around my neck, while heaving a deep sigh of content.

I put my arms around my so affectionate young friend, held him close, and patted his back.

Wow! Every time he did such a thing, I started to love my young friend even more.

Faint 'memories' showed up in my mind, of my grown-up friend and me chasing after my squealing little son, who tried to escape from our combined tickle-tortures.

After we caught him, we smothered him with our 'little kisses'; until the little imp nearly wet his pants and promised us to better his life...

Could there, after all, really be some truth in living more than one life on earth?

Why did I have all those strange 'memories' about John and I being best friends, while my little son frolicked around us?

Why were John and I already feeling so totally at ease with each other, from the first moment we met?

If only my protesting mind could have some undeniable proof...

John and I cuddled for a long time, again basking in each other's heartwarming feelings of mutual friendship.

All the time, vague 'memories' showed up in my mind, of us hunting together in a huge forest, catching wild deer to sell their pelts.

From a very young age, my little son accompanied us; trying to 'help' us; or teasing us until we caught him and 'taught him a lesson'.

Had I really had my own little son, in my past life as a trapper, while John was a grown-up and our best friend?

Could my own little son now have returned to earth; to be John's 'little brother' and, maybe, to become 'my boy'?

If so, then, I felt even more eager to meet my little namesake!

At last, John slid down onto his feet and told me:

"I will be right back, and bring Harry here!"

Again, he offered me a warm kiss onto my bearded cheek, before he went to the kitchen table.

He rinsed his glass and my coffee cup, put the milk back into the refrigerator, and hasted outside.

John seemed to be quite a lot tidier than I had been at that age.

My kitchen felt very empty; now that John had left my house.

I sat down on my folding chair; absent-mindedly staring at the sparrows in my backyard that still chased after each other.

So many things had happened, in such a short time...

Surprisingly, since John's visit, I felt more alive and kicking than I had ever felt before!

My so affectionate young friend clearly had an astonishing refreshing impact on my mental health!

It felt wonderful, to have such a lovable young buddy at my side, although he was only thirteen years old.

I really hoped he would return soon, preferably accompanied by his little brother.

A moment later, I had a very strange feeling, as if somebody faintly touched my aura.

At the same time, I sensed a faint draft in my kitchen, whirling around me and giving me goose bumps all over.

What the heck was happening to me, here in my own kitchen?

Did I still have some 'unseen company' around me?

Could my own little brother still be here, silently watching over me?

Or, could this unseen person be the 'ghost' or 'spirit' of Jack, the former owner of my house?

A very strange idea popped up in my mind, making me think.

Could the 'spirits' of Jack and little Joshie be the same person?

Did dead people grow up in 'the beyond' and become older, just like living people did on earth?

My 'spirit guide' felt like little Joshie; but he had talked to me with the grown-up voice of Jack!

An even stranger idea popped up in my mind.

Could Jack be the 'next reincarnation' of little Joshie?

Had my little brother returned to earth, to be born again as Jack?

If only my protesting mind would shut up for a moment...

Slowly, all the sounds in my kitchen started to mute, as if somebody wrapped a thick blanket around everything.

The kitchen air started to feel chillier, while the same faint draft still whirled around me.

This was becoming eerie!

Of course, I had seen those haunting TV films about 'ghosts' hunting innocent people.

Only, I never thought I could be their next victim...

Some shape of a huge cathedral started to build up around my kitchen, as if shielding me from any outside energies.

Faintly, I smelled a nice scent of wild flowers or some aromatic incense.

I even thought heard a celestial chorus, singing beautiful songs in the background.

Now, I also started to feel a bit tired and drowsy, as if somebody could have drugged me.

Or, had I died, without knowing it; and was I now entering 'Heaven'?

Feeling mystified, I stared at some vague form, building up in a corner of my kitchen.

This slowly moving form looked like a hazy cocoon, formed out of colored steam.

While I wondered what it might be; the vague form started to take shape, building up into the faint form of a man!

The man looked at me with a knowing stare; as if he knew something important that I didn't have to know yet.

To say I felt 'dumbstruck', isn't strong enough to express my emotions.

Immediately, I recognized Joshie's well-known intense look, although I hadn't seen his eyes for at least fifty years.

This faint 'spirit form' looked like a fifty-year-old version of my own little brother, Joshie!

His eyes were staring at me with the same intensity, as if sending me the same message...

At seeing Joshie's eyes, my inside was convinced that Jack WAS the next reincarnation of my own little brother!

This time, I could no longer deny it!

Was this the undeniable proof my confused mind needed, to start being a 'believer'?

Surprisingly, Jack's 'spirit' also looked like John; having the same deep brown eyes and dark brown hair with little curls at the edges.

For a moment, I even thought that Jack and John could have been father and son.

They were so much alike...

The faint 'spirit' of Jack stretched his hazy hands out towards me.

At the same moment, an extremely powerful wave of pure love engulfed me; making me feel drowsy, and warm, and safe, and all mushy inside.

Never before had my heart felt being loved like this; while my inside basked in the joyful feeling of being healed.

Then, I heard Jack's voice, coming from within my own inside.

Immediately, I recognized the same warm and soulful voice I had heard before, telling me: 'Your boy needs you.'

Finally, I knew who my so-called 'spirit guide' was in reality.

Jack had been my little brother, Joshie, who had reincarnated after he died and became 'Jack'!

With a warm smile, Jack's spirit told me, his soulful voice coming from within my inside:

"My dear brother; finally, I am allowed to contact you, to let you know the truth. You've asked us for some kind of undeniable proof? Well, here it is!

"As you can see it for yourself, I am an incarnation of 'Joshie'. From now on, please, stop doubting so much, and only listen to what your own heart tells you.

"All your Spirit Friends and Helpers are with you and around you, to assist you and your steadily growing family, when and wherever we are allowed to do so.

"Working together, we will guide you onto the path that is yours. Your life is rapidly reaching its 'final destiny', as your own heart already tells you.

"Soon, you will remember who you are in reality. May our Supreme Being bless you, your boy, and our so affectionate young friend."

Suddenly, my 'spirit friend' disappeared into thin air, just like that!

Immediately, the chilly air around me started to warm up, while my goose bumps went away.

The huge cathedral and the angelic chorus vanished; and my kitchen returned to 'normal'.

Still feeling a bit tired and disorientated, my confused mind didn't know any more what to believe and what not...

Meeting a real 'spirit' in my own kitchen, and hearing his voice in my inside, had been too much for my rusty old mind!

All my life, people had told me that so-called 'ghosts' or 'spirits' were only weird tricks of our own imagination.

However, today, I had SEEN and HEARD such a non-existing 'ghost'; showing up in my own kitchen, for crying out loud.

Or, had this faint form been a 'spirit', or a 'guardian angel'? What could be the difference?

Suddenly, it bothered me that I had heard Jack's voice in my OWN inside, instead of the words coming out of HIS ghostly mouth...

Why was that?

Could I have made everything up in my own mind, while dreaming some weird daydream?

Of course, as a psychotherapist, I was familiar with 'seeing hallucinations' and 'hearing voices'.

Up to now, I had always assumed that my own mind would be relatively sane and healthy.

However, after going through all these weird experiences, I now wasn't so sure any more.

Immediately, my rational mind started to doubt again.

Something had to be severely wrong with me!

I had obviously started hallucinating, creating all these strange illusions in my own mind.

I had to visit a 'shrink' immediately, to check my mental health!

What weird coincidence, that I happened to be a shrink myself...

Feeling worried, I decided to do a couple of quick psychological tests on myself.

If my brain had been concocting these strange happenings on its own; then, it would be able to repeat them again!

Testing this would be easy enough.

First, I brought myself into a 'daydream'; as I had taught myself many years ago, to calm down and stop my worried thoughts.

Then, I tried to create the same feeling of Jack's 'ghost' or 'spirit' around me.

Only, my kitchen felt empty, and it stayed empty.

Next, I tried to create some steamy form in a corned of my kitchen. but nothing happened.

I tried to fantasize some vague cathedral. but everything around me stayed the same.

I tried to reproduce Jack's warm voice in my inside. but my inside stayed silent!

After stubbornly testing some more, I could come up with only one reasonable conclusion:

I had REALLY seen and heard Jack's 'spirit', showing up in my own kitchen!

Or, had this hazy form been a 'ghost', or my 'guardian angel'?

What would be the difference?

Fact was that I HAD seen the deceased former owner of my house, who obviously was the next incarnation of my own little brother.

Thus, unintentionally, I had PROVEN to myself that I really had seen some 'spirit'; or whatever else it might be.

Only, this proven fact also turned my entire 'convenient' and 'normal' sane world totally upside down!

From now on, my so easy and structured life would nevermore be the same...

My old Indian Shaman had been absolutely right!

Feeling confused and shaky, I returned to my remaining pile of cardboard boxes.

Still considering and pondering, I started to empty the next box, while trying to think about something else.

As if working on autopilot, I sorted my possessions and put them away into the various cabinets and cupboards.

In the meantime, I desperately tried to divert my entangled thoughts.

Very much to my delight, I suddenly found my huge packet of tissues, lying on the bottom of a cardboard box!

Finally, I would be fully prepared, in case anyone again needed some tissues to dry their tears or blow their nose.

Immediately, I went upstairs, and put the tissues where I was sure I could easily find them.

Now feeling much better, I returned to my pile of boxes, and opened the next one.

Again, my thoughts returned to that little Gypsy orphan; who missed a 'Big Friend' in his life and couldn't cope without one.

Why did I feel so longing to meet my little namesake, every time I thought of him as 'my boy'?

Was that because 'little Harry' once had been my own little son, in one of our past lives?

I also remembered that Jack's spirit had spoken of 'YOUR boy'; next to mentioning 'OUR so affectionate young friend'.

Why had Jack made such a strange difference between 'your boy' and 'our friend'?

Had that been a slip of the tongue; or could there be a hidden meaning behind Jack's words...

4. Meeting my little soul mate; I am Monarch Harold.

Unexpectedly, my doorbell rang; again loudly reverberating through my house!

Muttering, I told myself I HAD to replace that wicked thing, before it caused me to have a heart attack.

However, first, I had to open my front door; to brush off the unwelcome sales representative I was sure I hadn't invited.

Or, had John talked to his 'little brother', and convinced him to pay me a visit?

Were John and 'little Harry' now waiting for me, to open my front door and let them in?

In my mind, I had already started calling my boy 'little Harry'; to distinguish my little namesake from me, being 'Big Harry'.

I hasted to my front door and opened it, suddenly feeling nervous.

Five young children huddled together on my porch, smiling broadly, while expectantly looking up at me.

A sixth child shyly tried to hide behind his friends; while a motherly looking Marrie gently pushed him forward.

Here were ALL my young friends I had missed so much, inclusive 'little Harry'!

They hadn't forgotten me!

Enthusiastically, I invited everybody in, exclaiming:

"What a pleasant surprise! Come in; and do you care for a drink?"

I turned around, and went back inside without waiting for my young friends.

I thought they might feel a bit safer when they were allowed to enter the house of this 'stranger' voluntarily.

The idea seemed to work, because everybody followed me inside.

On my way to the kitchen, I collected five more folding chairs from my hallway closet.

Fortunately, I had bought plenty of them, to be prepared for any unexpected visitors.

Only, how do you carry five unfolding chairs at the same time, without getting entangled?

John started to chuckle, when he saw my efforts to handle five unwilling folding chairs.

Then, he jumped in and rescued me, by helping me drag them towards my kitchen.

Working together, we unfolded them and placed them around the kitchen table.

All the others had followed John and me into my kitchen.

Now, they huddled together in a corner, waiting for the things to come.

Five children were looking around curiously or smiling at me.

I could barely see the sixth one, who hid his face behind the huddle.

John had placed himself in front of his friends, looking proud.

Thomas had stepped behind John, as if looking for some protection.

Mark and Chrissy were giggling, while playfully pushing each other.

Marrie had her arms around a hesitant little boy; gently trying to push him towards me.

Although 'my boy' still tried to hide his face from my view; I now saw a bit more of him.

For a moment, I wondered about his hair, indeed being of a light brownish color, nearly white.

John had told me that little Harry was a Gypsy boy, and I always thought that all Gypsies had dark hair.

Could one of his parents have been of a non-Gypsy origin?

That would also explain his bright blue eyes.

Fortunately, little Harry didn't look too much like my own little brother, who had lost all his hair in the fire and was completely bald.

His hands seemed to be relatively undamaged; but his uncovered arms clearly showed lots of wild flesh and colored stains.

What would his burnt face look like?

Hoping to be able to see some more of 'my boy', I told the children:

"Please, sit down, and let me take your order for a drink."

John was the first one who moved away from the herd.

He went straight to my refrigerator, obviously already feeling at home.

Carrying the bottle of milk, he went to the kitchen table and sat down.

In the meantime, I had collected six drinking glasses and put them onto the table, in front of the folding chairs.

John turned around on his chair, and urged his friends to join him.

Thomas looked at the others and hesitated; but he went to the table and sat down.

I laughed at the suddenly shy rascal, and asked him:

"Sir, what is your order? Milk, hot chocolate, tea, maybe coffee?"

"Err... Can I... sorry... may I have hot chocolate, please?"

After teasingly ruffling Thomas' yellow hair, I took John's bottle of milk from the table, and poured some into a pan.

First, I put the pan onto my electric cook top, planning to heat the milk.

Then, I decided to wait for the other kids, until they too had ordered their drinks.

Maybe, they wanted to have hot chocolate as well...

I turned around, to ask the others what they wanted.

Then, I saw that Mark and Chrissy had already joined John and Thomas at the kitchen table.

Giggling and pushing each other, they were waiting for me to take their orders.

Marrie still tried to push a hesitating little boy towards me.

Finally, I was able to see some more of my burnt little friend.

Although his body seemed to be too small for being eight years old, his firm and lithe frame looked very strong and healthy.

Only, he still held his head down, as if he could be afraid to show me his burnt face...

Why was 'little Harry' still hesitating to show me his face?

Didn't John tell him that I was USED to having a burnt child around, because of my own little brother?

Out of professional habit, I switched into my 'therapist mode', to read his aura and interpret his body language.

Tuning in into the shy boy, I was again very surprised to see he was absolutely not afraid of ME.

In fact, never before had I seen such an Inner Power and self-consciousness in such a small boy!

He seemed to be very proud of himself, showing me a demeanor as if he could be an Aristocrat, or a little Prince...

His body language told me that he really was a little bit afraid, but only to be disappointed in his OWN expectations.

Obviously, too many people had reacted shocked, or rejected him rudely, at seeing his burnt face for the first time.

Deciding to let him make his own decisions in his own time, I just waited.

Little Harry probably was a very traumatized boy; and, this time, I didn't want to rush anything!

I only opened my heart towards him, and sent him all the love that I was able to muster.

Hoping he would pick up at least some of my energy, I started to 'talk' to him in my mind.

Silently, I 'told' him he could trust me, and that I really wanted to be his friend...

Immediately, the boy reacted, as if he had heard all my unspoken thoughts!

He straightened his back, lifted his head, and stared directly into my eyes.

Two very bright blue eyes found mine, and effortlessly pierced into my deepest core.

This little boy was looking straight through all my so carefully built-up defenses!

Much to my surprise, his energy immediately went into my soul, to find out who I really was.

His searching made me shudder, while I felt him probing all my carefully hidden thoughts and reading them effortlessly.

Could this little boy be an upcoming 'clairvoyant', or a 'mind reader'?

This so extremely special child had the most fascinating eyes that I had ever seen!

His deep blue orbs showed me an enormous amount of Inner Pride, and a more than superior intelligence.

At the same time, they also showed me a deep sadness, and a desperate longing to belong to somebody who would accept him for who he was, and who would help him grow up.

His piercing eyes strongly reminded me of the old Indian Shaman I once consulted.

The Shaman had stared at me with the same penetrating eyes, while effortlessly reading my intentions.

Could this strange little Gypsy boy be a forthcoming little Shaman, maybe without knowing where he was heading?

Or, did all Gypsy children possess such powerful abilities...

The moment I looked into those bright blue eyes, everything else around me ceased to exist.

My entire structured and controlled world faded away, until I was solely aware of two bottomless orbs, sucking in my very essence.

They effortlessly probed into my deepest soul, searching my Inner Self for who I really was, making me feel naked and vulnerable...

Within a second, I had to use all my strength, to tear myself loose from his penetrating gaze and regain at least a little bit of my own posture.

At the same time, I experienced an EXTREMELY strong feeling of recognition; leaving me almost breathless.

My inside was absolutely sure I already KNEW this so special little boy, who immediately stole my thoughts, my heart, and my soul!

A strong wave of pure happiness overwhelmed my heart; making me tremble all over with joy.

This boy was the REAL reason why I was here!

I had been waiting for this child all my life, while preparing myself to be able to help and guide him through his difficult youth.

Even my study to be a psychotherapist had been a thorough preparation, to be there for 'my boy' when he finally showed up in my life...

Forgetting about the other kids and the milk, I sank onto one knee, to be on the same level as my little friend.

Involuntarily, I opened my arms towards him, as if inviting him to embrace me.

Almost feeling a deep reverence, I heard myself beg:

"Hi, my young friend! You must be Harry, and I am very happy to meet you. May I have a hug, please?"

For a moment, my proud Gypsy Shaman turned back into a vulnerable little boy.

Suddenly, he looked unsure, staring at me wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Obviously, he hadn't expected to get such spontaneous welcome, from a total stranger he just met...

Within a few seconds, he recovered; while his face lit up and his eyes started to beam.

Again, he probed my inside, seeing right through me and effortlessly examining my deepest intentions.

This time, I could FEEL him search my soul for sincerity.

Could he really trust me?

Did I really accept him as he was?

Or, would I soon feel too disgusted and reject him, as so many others had done after they saw his burnt face for the first time...

Again, I sent him all the love that I was able to muster, while telling him in my mind that I REALLY wanted to be his friend.

Again, he picked up all my thoughts; and he seemed to feel elated!

I had another strange feeling, as if he could have seen much MORE of me, and felt extremely happy with what he discovered.

After gently freeing himself from Marries arms, he took a couple of quick steps towards me.

Then, still a bit hesitantly, he slowed down, until I was able to feel his body heat.

Here, he stopped, at the same time trustfully letting all his defenses down.

Willingly, he opened up to me completely, allowing me to see all his inner doubts and longings.

Much to my own surprise, I could read him like an open book!

Until now, I never knew I would be able to do such a strange thing...

Effortlessly, I could sense his pain, sadness, and loneliness; but also his deep longing to belong to somebody who really cared for him.

He still had some remaining fears, after all the harsh rejections and humiliations he had gone through during the past two years.

Would I REALLY accept him, now that I was able to see his so terribly damaged face?

Could he really trust me, and did I really want to be his new Big Friend?

For a moment, I just stared back into his piercing blue eyes.

Out of the blue, I became very aware of my OWN unexpected powers as a thoroughly trained Shaman and Mage!

My old Indian Shaman had been absolutely right, when he told me that I possessed many very powerful 'abilities'.

Only, I would have to wait until my soul opened up; because I could use my abilities only after I had met several 'former friends'.

Working together, we would fulfill a very important task on Earth; but only after I met many people I already knew from my 'past lives'.

At that time, I didn't believe the old Shaman, although he also told me a couple of private things he absolutely couldn't know.

However, now, I had already met at least TWO of my 'former friends', John and his little brother.

Would my soul now 'open up', letting me use all my so-called 'abilities'?

Returning to my little 'friend' in front of me, I again sent him all my love, plus my most honest feelings of respect and friendship.

Talking to him in my mind, I told him I felt honored to be his new Big Friend, and that he really could trust me!

Surprisingly, I suddenly 'heard' his answer in my mind:

"Are you really Monarch Harold, my great-grandfather? Then, finally, you found me! I've been waiting for you for such a long time..."

Although I had no idea about what my boy could be talking of, I folded my arms around his small body.

Gently, I pulled his lithe little frame towards my chest and into a welcoming hug.

Trustfully, little Harry took the last step towards me, turned around, and leaned against my chest.

His small hands clamped onto my arms, as if he wanted to seal them around his body.

With a deep sigh of content, he tried to melt into my aura.

An extremely powerful wave of pure love exploded in my inside, almost overwhelming me.

This was MY boy, my own little son, my precious best friend, my former Vice Leader, my one and only Soul Mate!

During all our past lives, I had always loved him with all my heart; and, now, finally, we were together again.

Having this burnt little Gypsy boy in my arms was the final fulfillment of all the things I had ever been waiting for during my life.

Everything fell into place, telling me I had now reached the first step of my final destination!

From here, we only had to go on and on, working closely together...

Vague memories showed up in my mind; of us sitting around a crackling fire, having lots of fun with telling each other silly stories.

The swirling wind howled around our wooden log cabin; and, from a far distance, we heard the growling sounds of hungry grizzly bears.

Our best trapper friend joined us, drinking coffee while having my bouncing son on his knee.

The man had John's deep brown eyes...

Suddenly, I was a Gypsy Leader, nicknamed 'Monarch Harold the Great', sitting amidst my own Beloved People around our glowing campfire.

In that life, my little Soul Mate was a grown-up, my very best friend, and our Vice Leader.

Working closely together, we had founded our modern Gypsy way of living, filled with much more Love, Freedom, Understanding, and Compassion...

Feeling extremely strange, I forced myself to leave my strange 'memories from my past lives' and return into the here and now.

All these new revelations were way too much for my old and rusty mind, which tried to shut down itself in exaggerated agony.

Had I really been a famous 'Gypsy Monarch', the founder of a modern Gypsy way of living?

Surprisingly, all my strange 'memories' disappeared almost immediately.

At the same time, I lost my sudden ability to 'hear' little Harry's thoughts in my mind...

However, I still had my new little friend in my arms, and that was all that counted!

Overflowing with tender loving care for the burnt little orphan, I pulled him even closer to my chest.

Tenderly, I bent over towards him, and put a warm kiss onto his forehead.

That was what I always used to do with my own little brother, and with my own daughters.

Kissing them had always been my strongest means of expressing my love for them.

With a surprising agility, little Harry wrestled his lithe body around in my arms, until he could look at my face and stare into my eyes.

While putting his own small arms around my neck, he offered me a beautiful smile full of love.

Then, he kissed me back, full on my lips!

Two small lips eagerly pressed against mine, forcefully, as if he tried to send me a message...

At that same instant, my inside shuddered, while my shocked body cramped and froze!

Heaven knows I couldn't help it; and I certainly hadn't planned it.

At that very moment, when his warm and slightly wet lips touched mine, I felt shocked into my deepest core!

Instinctively, my body paralyzed, while my mouth tried to pull back from the contact.

Never before had any stranger kissed me on my lips in such an intimate way...

To me, with my puritanical upbringing, kissing on the lips was almost a SIN when it wasn't your own flesh and blood that did it.

My own parents never kissed me; and I had kissed my own little brother, but solely on his forehead and certainly nowhere else.

Even my own daughters never kissed me on my lips.

Only my own wife had been allowed to kiss me like this, in the secret intimacy of our bedroom.

Now, suddenly, this boy kissed me as if we were bride and groom...

While my body still felt paralyzed, my totally perplexed mind didn't know what to do.

Should I push the little boy away from my mouth; and try to explain why I didn't want him to kiss me like this?

However, I also didn't want my new little friend to feel guilty about showing such a childish affection.

I didn't want him to feel rejected during our first meeting.

Therefore, I decided to do nothing, and waited...

After what felt like an eternity, little Harry slowly withdrew his lips from mine.

His small arms left my neck; while his little body slumped down and slid towards the floor.

His lithe little frame slipped through my paralyzed arms and collapsed into a heap.

Sitting on the floor, he heaved a couple of heartbreaking sighs, and started to cry.

My still numbed mind was unable to understand why my little friend suddenly cried.

What could have happened to him?

Why did he suddenly leave my neck and slump down onto the floor?

Could our powerful emotions have been too much for him?

Yes, of course, that was what had happened!

Little Harry had been too excited for his own good; and, now, he needed some time for himself...

Because my mind didn't seem to work any more, I switched into my professional 'autopilot'.

Automatically, I decided to let the boy have some more personal space.

That was what I always did with my little clients, when they became too emotional.

Little Harry would probably feel more at ease when he could see his friends...

After pulling myself together, I rose onto my feet, and scooped the little rag doll off the floor.

Carefully, I carried him to the kitchen table.

There, I took an empty folding chair and sat down; lifting the still sobbing boy onto my lap.

After a second, I thought it would be better for my little friend if he could see John.

Ultimately, I was still a total stranger to him, who had met him only two minutes before.

Trying to be helpful, I started to turn the little crybaby around, to let him face his 'big brother'...

Instantly, little Harry lifted his head, and stared at me with a shocked face!

For a moment, he stopped sobbing.

Then, he started to fight my arms, screaming:

"NOOOooooo."

Violently, he wrestled free from my arms and slid down onto the floor.

Immediately, he scrambled upright and stumbled towards the kitchen door, tripping over his own feet.

He threw himself into the hallway and opened the front door, still crying.

He stumbled out of my house and disappeared into the neighborhood, leaving all doors open...

Feeling totally dumbstruck, I slumped down onto my folding chair.

Staring at the open kitchen door, I couldn't comprehend what could have happened.

For heaven's sake, why had my little friend suddenly fled away?

Could I have done something wrong?

But, what?

Feeling speechless, I looked at John; but my young friend seemed to be as bewildered as I was.

Should I go after the little runaway, and try to bring him back?

However, what would my neighbors think of me, an old grandpa, chasing after a crying little boy through their backyards?

I didn't want to be arrested as a potential child molester...

After a moment, John asked me, with doubt in his eyes:

"Shall I go after Harry, and try to bring him back?"

"Sure. But, do you have any idea why he ran away?"

"Sorry, sir, but I don't know. We have better ask him! Come on, let's go and find Harry."

John rose from his chair, and beckoned his friends to follow him.

All my young friends left my kitchen and hurried outside, to go look for their little friend...

All at once, my kitchen felt very empty.

The sudden silence was eerie; and I still hadn't the faintest idea what could have gone wrong.

Could I have misread my new little friend?

Or, had I done something stupid, without realizing what I was doing?

Still feeling numb, I poured the milk from the saucepan into the sink.

Next, I brewed myself a cup of strong coffee, in a desperate effort to clear my thoughts.

I HAD to pull myself together first, to be able to find out what could have happened to my new little friend.

Then, maybe, I would be able to regain some very much-needed rest in myself...

After drinking my coffee, I sat down on my folding chair, closed my eyes, and started to replay all the events in my mind.

That was what I always did when I encountered a too difficult problem.

By replaying everything, and looking at our interactions, I hoped to gain some more insight in what had happened.

First, I recalled six children, huddling together in front of my house.

Five kids looked at me; but the sixth one shyly hid behind his friends.

Obviously, little Harry didn't want me to see his burnt face; although John should have told him about my own burnt brother.

After inviting the kids in, I entered my house without looking back, hoping it would make them feel less wary about visiting a 'stranger'.

Being free to enter my house voluntarily, they would feel more at ease, knowing they would also be free to leave voluntarily.

The idea seemed to work, because all the children followed me towards my kitchen, including little Harry.

Now, I recalled John and Thomas, already sitting at the kitchen table; while Mark and Chrissie joined them.

A motherly looking Marrie had her arms around a hesitating little boy, gently pushing him towards me.

The boy still tried to hide his burnt face from my eyes.

At that moment, I decided to do nothing.

Trying to avoid my earlier mistake, I just let the boy make his own decisions.

I only sent him all my love, while telling him in my mind that he could trust me and had found a friend.

Surprisingly, he reacted immediately; as if he could have heard all my unspoken thoughts!

He lifted his head and stared straight into my eyes, effortlessly reading me like an open book...

Rarely had I met a young child that was able to see through my so carefully built up defenses.

However, never before had any child uncovered all my deepest inner secrets with such an ease and this effortlessly!

Could this little Gypsy boy be an upcoming Shaman?

Maybe, he already was one...

The 'upcoming little Shaman' had asked me a question in my mind:

'Are you really Monarch Harold, my great-grandfather?'

According to what I 'remembered' from my past lives, the only answer could be 'yes'.

'Gypsy Monarch Harold the Great' had been my name in my past life as a 'Gypsy Leader', while little Harry had been my Beloved Vice Leader and best friend!

Again feeling very confused, I decided to leave my strange 'memories'; planning to look at them another time.

For now, I only wanted to go on replaying what had happened with little Harry.

This time, I recalled his terribly burnt face...

His badly scarred forehead showed several reddish patches and a lot of wild flesh.

His nose was halfway gone, making his too big nostrils look like black holes in a marred face.

The left side of his mouth was askew, and his stained lips were shriveled and wrinkled.

His right ear stuck to his head, and his skin was stained in at least three different colors...

I had to admit it: little Harry WAS a freaky sight!

At least, to any stranger who saw his burnt face for the first time, or who wasn't used to having a burnt little brother around...

Surprisingly, despite his terrible ordeal, the little boy still maintained an extremely strong aura of Inner Power!

His inside was very proud of himself, and his radiant spirit seemed to be unbroken.

He certainly was an amazing little soldier!

I went on, recalling how I spontaneously kissed his forehead.

Shouldn't I have kissed my little friend, so soon after I met him for the first time?

Wasn’t this boy used to being kissed by a stranger; or, maybe, nobody ever kissed him?

That would be very sad...

However, little Harry immediately turned around and looked at me, showing me a beaming face full of acceptance!

Obviously, he had appreciated my spontaneous kiss very much.

Then, he put his small arms around my neck and kissed me back, straight onto my mouth.

Two small lips pressed against mine, eagerly and forcefully, as if sending me a message.

Fortunately, my puritanical inside didn't feel so shocked any more, while I remembered what had happened.

After calming down, my mind was now able to see his boyish kiss in a totally different light.

Of course, I had seen many young children greeting their parents, by embracing them and kissing them on their lips.

Only, until now, I had never given such 'sinful' behavior any second thought.

Suddenly, my brain understood that my extreme reaction had been VERY childish!

Why had I reacted so stupidly; feeling 'sinful' about what had been only a spontaneous and innocent little kiss?

Little Harry had only shown me his spontaneous affection; as a little boy who felt very happy to greet an adored grown-up...

Involuntarily, I started to be angry with my extremely regulating and controlling parents.

Why couldn't those cold-hearted people have shown me a real heart with real feelings?

Why the heck hadn't they ever showed any real affection to my little brother and to me?

Why had they never ever given us even the tiniest bit of Real Love?

Thanks to them, I was now a fifty-six-year old whiner, feeling perturbed by a little kiss on my lips from an innocent young boy...

After regulating my breath and forcing my flaring anger to subside, I went on replaying what had happened.

Little Harry stopped his kiss after a few seconds, and slowly withdrew his lips from mine.

He slumped down onto the floor, heaved a couple of heartbreaking sighs, and started to cry.

At that moment, I presumed that our shared emotions had been too much for the little boy.

Therefore, I decided to give him some personal space, by bringing him back to his friends.

Little Harry didn't protest while I scooped him off of the floor and took him into my arms.

His small body just sagged against my chest, while I carried the sobbing little rag doll to the kitchen table and sat him on my lap, facing me.

Then, I decided to turn him around, so that he could face John and his friends...

Immediately, he screamed, fought himself free, and ran away!

For heaven's sake, what could I have done wrong?

Little Harry started to scream while I turned him around on my lap.

Could the turning around have been a problem?

Could it be that little Harry didn't WANT to be turned around?

Suddenly, I found out something important I had totally overlooked.

The turning around hadn't been HIS decision, but MINE!

I hadn't ASKED little Harry what he wanted, but just ASSUMED I did the right thing!

I felt severely shocked about my obvious lack of consideration!

How could I ever have overlooked such an important thing?

Had I ever thought I could be a good therapist?

Feeling very ashamed of myself, I rose from my chair and brewed another cup of coffee.

I took my coffee to the porch and sat down, hoping to see the children and their burnt little friend.

Maybe, I would be able to talk to them and make my excuses for what had happened...

However, the street was empty, and it stayed empty.

Where was everybody?

Where could my little friend be now?

Would I ever see him again?

Or, would he be too disappointed about my lack of consideration, and avoid my house from now on.

That would be really sad...

After drinking my coffee, I decided to have a real honest look at my OWN character.

This time, I also wanted to look at my relationship with my own little brother.

Thus, I closed my eyes again, and looked at my remembrances from my own difficult youth.

As far as I could remember, little Joshie and I had always been in harmony with each other.

Only, had that been the truth?

Or, could our 'harmony' have been my own wishful thinking?

I tried to picture my little brother in my mind, but felt very surprised to see that I couldn't remember how he had looked.

Why didn't I even remember the color of Joshie's eyes?

Had I ever REALLY looked at little Joshie?

Had I ever looked into his eyes, to see who he was and what he wanted?

So far, I always assumed he had brown eyes, just like mine.

Had I ever talked with Joshie?

I mean, REALLY talked with him?

I did talk TO him, sure, to tell him what I wanted him to do.

But, did I ever talk WITH him; waiting for and listening to HIS answers?

Slowly, I started to realize that I didn't even know Joshie.

When he was still little, I bathed him, I dried him, I tickled him until he laughed, I put him into his bed, and I kissed his forehead.

However, that was all the contact I ever maintained with my always happy little brother.

I was so used to having him around, as a faithful puppy, that I often didn't realize he was there.

Little Joshie was always there, seemingly being happy.

The only time he seemed to need me, was when a thunderstorm raged.

That made him crawl into my bed, and sleep next to me for the rest of the night.

However, I couldn't remember ever putting my arms around him; even after he had burnt himself and was totally dependent on me.

Even outside, I always just dragged him around, with his little stump in my hand...

Had I really been that egotistic?

Even after Joshie caught himself on fire, I never asked him what HE wanted.

I had to take him with me whenever I went outside; but was that what HE wished?

I just dragged him with me.

Of course, Joshie couldn't speak any more; but, certainly, his eyes could have told me something.

I just never looked into them.

I was sure I loved him as my little brother; but who did I love?

Obviously, I didn't even know him!

Why did I never look into his eyes; to see who he really was?

The sun was setting, and the outside air started to get chilly; so I decided to go inside.

In my living room, I sat down on my couch and closed my eyes, this time forcing myself to contemplate on who I REALLY was.

Sixty-five years of wasted life, never really listening to my wife or to my children, always doing what I assumed they wished, but never asking THEM.

Little Joshie didn't seem to need me.

My parents always were too busy with themselves.

My wife never complained, even after the divorce.

My daughters went their own ways.

Suddenly, a burnt little boy enters my life and seems to need me.

And, again, I am making the same unforgivable mistakes!

Again, I am ASSUMING what he wants, without asking him first.

Again, I am not listening to what HE has to tell me.

I am such a selfish egotist...

Obviously, I will have to change my behavior drastically, before I will be worthy to befriend such a vulnerable child.

And, I will have to start right NOW!

Slowly, my body started to feel drowsy and tired, as if all my energy left me.

Assuming I needed some rest, I stretched out on my couch, to take a short nap.

Almost immediately, I drifted off, until my mind was barely aware of my surroundings.

Suddenly, everything around me felt peaceful, as if part of me had entered heaven.

A bright unearthly light surrounded me, seemingly coming from everywhere.

I felt overflowed with powerful waves of pure love, tenderness, and compassion.

Had I suddenly died, and entered heaven?

Again, I felt Joshie's well-known harmony; this time tenderly wrapping itself around me!

Feeling very surprised, I opened my eyes, and looked around.

Much to my surprise, I now SAW my 'Spirit Guide', Jack, broadly smiling at me!

This time, Jack was no longer some hazy form, made of colored steam; but he was REAL!

Only, he was surrounded by a beautiful aura, stretching out into all directions, glowing with many unearthly colors.

Had I really died, and arrived in Heaven?

For a long time, Jack looked at me, with lots of love and understanding in his eyes.

Then, he embraced me, while I clearly felt his warm arms folding around my own body.

Using his soulful voice, this time coming from his own mouth, he asked me:

"My dear brother, do you understand now?"

Choking up, I could only nod, while tears of frustration started to stream down my face.

My inside felt totally overwhelmed by so much comprehension, so much compassion, engulfing me with powerful waves of Pure Cosmic Light...

Yes, this time, I DID understand!

Again, I heard Jack's warm voice, telling me:

"Don't be afraid, and you didn't make a mistake. Your boy will come back; because you and he NEED each other, to help each other grow up some more.

"Today, your Spirit Friends and I have activated a few of your Shaman powers, so that both you and your boy would be able to remember each other.

"We will shut your remembrances down, to make you forget most of what has happened; until it is your time to open up completely and start your allotted task.

"From now on, please, don't doubt so much, always listen to your own heart, and love your boy with everything that you have..."

Jack's voice drifted off, while the unearthly light slowly faded away.

I curled up on my couch, crying my heart out...

5. Another talk with John; and taking my boy home.

Halfway through the evening, I woke up, still lying curled up on my couch.

Vaguely, I remembered dreaming about 'past lives' and some famous 'Gypsy Monarch'.

However, because I couldn't remember anything important, I just let it go.

After uncurling, I stretched my arms and legs a couple of times, to dispel their stiffness and make the blood flow again.

What time was it?

How long had I been dreaming?

My living room was getting dark; so I rose from my couch and switched on a few lamps.

Next, I stumbled to my kitchen, planning to brew myself a much-needed cup of strong coffee.

Exactly at that moment, my doorbell rang, again loudly reverberating through my hallway!

Feeling irritated, I stumbled to my front door to open it; ready to brush off the unwelcome visitor I was sure I hadn't invited.

Who the heck would want to pay the 'old man' such a late visit, at this impossible time in the evening?

I opened my front door. and felt very surprised to see John, impatiently waiting for me!

When my young friend saw me, he just launched himself onto me, clamping his arms around my waist.

Forcefully pushing his head against my chest, he started to cry his heart out.

What in the world could have happened to John?

First, I looked around, for any other unexpected visitors.

Then, seeing that John was alone, I took him inside my house and closed the door behind.

Folding my arms around his firm frame, I pulled my young friend even closer to my chest.

Twenty, thirty seconds passed.

Then, John slowly released his death grip, and hesitantly looked up at me.

Showing me his teary eyes and a desperate face, he sobbed:

"Can I... sorry, may I have a talk with you, please?"

"Of course, you may! Please, come in, and be my guest."

Still having my arms around John's sobbing frame, I guided him towards my living room.

My young friend ambled next to me, heaving deep sighs, nearly stumbling over the doorstep.

On my way, I quickly switched on a couple more lamps.

Inside my living room, I released John, went to my couch, and sat down.

Invitingly, I patted the empty space next to me.

However, John only looked at me with a pleading face.

Then, he just threw himself onto my lap, and started to cry his heart out again!

Again, I wrapped my arms around his sobbing frame.

At the same time, I tried to give him all the support that I thought he needed, by sending him as much love as I was able to muster.

This time, my young friend felt like a forlorn and lonely child, desperately craving for some tender loving care and understanding.

Who, or what, could have made him feel so distressed?

After a moment, John started to sob and talk at the same time; so that I barely understood what he tried to tell me:

"Harry doesn't believe me any more. I told him you didn't freak out on him; but he won't listen any more and just keeps on crying..."

Still sobbing, John continued to tell me a lot more; but I didn't understand any more sobbing words, and told him:

"Shush, shush. Please, talk slowly, so that I can understand what is on your mind."

In the meantime, I had started to look around.

Where had I left my huge packet of tissues, now that I needed it to help John wipe his tears?

I was sure I had found it on the bottom of one of my cardboard boxes.

Only, where the heck had I put it, thinking I would be able to find it easily?

Desperately, I tried to search my memory. Had I put it in the kitchen, or maybe in the hallway closet?

Again, rascal Thomas seemed to be right. I was becoming an old and forgetful grandpa!

Fortunately, John worked a handkerchief out of his own back pocket.

After wiping his teary face, he blew his nose in it, before he folded it together and put it back.

Desperately, he tried to pull himself together some more.

Now that John's sobs diminished, he was able to tell me what had happened:

This morning, immediately after John had promised to bring Harry to me; he had started to search for his little brother.

Soon, he met his friends, who were playing hide and seek in the surrounding backyards.

John told them what I had asked him to do; and they decided to help him find Harry.

Together, they started to look for their little friend, planning to persuade him to pay me a visit.

After some searching, they found Harry in my own backyard, cleverly hidden in a thick bush!

From there, he could see into my living room, and curiously stared at what I was doing.

While taking Harry with them, they first went to John's room, to talk.

Of course, the other kids also wanted to know what I had told John about my sudden running away.

Sitting on his bed, John started to tell his friends a few minor things about me, plus a couple of words about me having a burnt brother.

However, he didn't want to tell them too many private things, not knowing how much about my information he could relay to the other children.

John only assured Harry that I was a nice and friendly man, and I had personally asked my young namesake to pay me a visit!

Then, he told his little brother:

"Come on; let's go to 'Big Harry'! He expects us."

However, Harry just stared back at John with a blank face, as if he didn't believe him.

Again, John assured Harry that I was a very nice man and really wanted to be a friend!

Suddenly, Harry blurted out:

"Why was that man angry with me and kicking a chair? Doesn't he want to have my herbs garden in Jack's backyard?"

For a moment, John didn't know how to respond.

Then, he tried to get Harry's undivided attention, by telling him about Joshie's burnt face.

This time, John relayed everything that I had told him, inclusive Joshie's severe burns, his sudden death, and my own terrible ordeal.

He also emphasized that 'Big Harry' was USED to having a badly burnt boy around, because of his own little brother.

Immediately, Harry started to listen to John, open-mouthed!

He now accepted that my sudden anger had nothing to do with him, or with his little herbs garden in my backyard.

I had only felt my own pain and frustrations, because of my own burnt little brother.

Finally, the other children understood why I suddenly cried and left them alone on my porch, without giving them any explanation...

After drying his puffy eyes, Harry timidly confessed:

"I was afraid that Big Harry wouldn't want to have ME in his house, after you told him about my freaky face.

"I also thought I had to give up my herbs garden in Jack's backyard, because he had kicked my cobblestones around."

"Well, I think Big Harry stumbled on them by accident; and, of course, he didn't know what they are for.

"But, he really wants to meet you! Shall we go to his house now?"

Still hesitating, Harry agreed to join his friends to my house.

Only, he still was very afraid that I would reject him, once I saw his so terribly burnt face.

Too many strangers had panicked, fainted, called him a 'freak' or an 'alien', or wanted to call for an ambulance...

At last, Marrie threw her arms around her hesitant 'little brother', and pushed him outside!

Determinedly, she guided her 'little brother' towards my house, followed by the other kids.

Inside my house, the children felt elated to see everything going so well!

Secretly, they had hoped and prayed that Harry would find himself a new 'Big Friend'.

Now, all their hopes and prayers seemed to be answered!

That is, until they saw me carrying a crying little rag doll towards the kitchen table; and taking a sobbing Harry onto my lap.

A second later, I turned him around, to face his friends.

At that same moment, Harry started to scream, fought himself free, and ran away!

The children were at a loss; and nobody had any idea what could have happened.

Could 'Big Harry' have done something bad to their suddenly crying little friend?

Following John outside, they spread out, and started to search for the little runaway.

After looking in and around the surrounding backyards, they found Harry in John's bedroom.

He had slumped down onto John's bed; burying his face in a pillow to muffle his desperate sobs.

John asked his little brother to tell them what had happened.

However, Harry refused to talk, and just went on crying and sobbing.

John persisted, now telling his little brother that nobody had ANY idea why he ran away.

Had 'Big Harry' done something bad to him?

Suddenly, Harry screamed that he had lost EVERYTHING, and only wanted to DIE!

The children felt severely shocked, at hearing Harry's sudden outburst.

For a moment, they didn't know what to do, or how to help their desperate little friend.

Then, John nearly begged his little brother to tell them what had happened.

After some more persuading, Harry finally surrendered.

Hesitantly, he told his friends why he felt so desperate:

When arriving at my house, he had immediately felt my love and my acceptance.

My warm feelings of sympathy had engulfed him; making him feel safe and cared for.

At that moment, he hoped and prayed that he had found himself a new Big Friend.

When Big Harry saw his so terribly burnt face, he didn't even flinch!

Big Harry only sank onto one knee, to be on the same level; and asked his little namesake for a hug.

Feeling surprised, little Harry had hesitated for a few seconds, trying to pick up my intentions.

Could he really trust me?

Would I really accept him just as he was, including his too small body and his freaky face?

Suddenly, his inside was sure he recognized me from a past life.

Could I really be the next incarnation of 'Gypsy Monarch Harold the Great', his great-grandfather?

However, his strange 'remembrances' disappeared within a few seconds; and he decided to let them go.

Yet, his heart was now SURE that Big Harry accepted him!

He stepped towards me, and trustfully leaned into my chest.

Enjoying my powerful aura full of Tender Loving Care, his inside now felt like coming home!

His mourning was over, and he was sure he had found himself a new Big Friend!

Suddenly, his new Big Friend bent over, and KISSED him.

Now, his inside felt all warm and mushy, basking in the happy feelings of total acceptance.

His heart was now sure that I was going to love him at least as much as Jack had done!

How could he show me he felt more than happy to have me as his new Big Friend?

Almost drowning in his feelings of love, he put his arms around my neck and hugged me.

Then, he made the biggest mistake of his life...

HE KISSED ME BACK.

Unexpectedly, Big Harry's body shuddered, while his shocked face contorted and froze.

Obviously, his new friend felt too disgusted by those ugly and shriveled lips that unexpectedly touched his mouth.

Big Harry's warm love disappeared completely, while his aura went cold and retreated inside.

He seemed to wait impatiently, until those awfully wrinkled and terribly burnt things would leave his lips and face...

At that same moment, Harry's entire world fell into shambles.

Feeling totally empty, he slumped down onto the floor.

He felt utterly disappointed, totally rejected, terribly ugly, and only wanted to die.

Involuntarily, he started to cry; but he tried to muffle his sounds so as not to alarm his waiting friends at the kitchen table.

What should he do now?

The only grown-up he ever trusted, next to Jack and his own parents, had turned him down...

For a split second, his hope flared up again, when Big Harry lifted him off the floor and took him into his arms.

However, Big Harry still didn't talk to him.

He didn't even ask him why he cried, or what he wanted.

He just took him to the kitchen table, where he sat him onto his lap.

A second later, Big Harry turned him around, away from his face!

Obviously, he still felt too disgusted, at seeing such a terribly burnt face with those ugly wrinkled lips; and he didn't want to look any longer at all those awful scars...

Now, little Harry felt as if he had lost everything that could be worth living for!

Crying his heart out, he wrestled free from my arms, slid down onto the floor, and ran far away from Jack's old house, feeling less than worthless.

For a moment, he thought about throwing himself in front of a fast car, to end his life; but he ended up in John's bedroom.

However, he still didn't want to live any more.

From now on, he only wanted to DIE!

After finishing his sad story, John sagged down and collapsed onto my lap.

Clamping onto my chest with all his might, he again started to sob desperately.

This time, I felt so guilty!

Why hadn't I ASKED my little namesake why he cried, instead of assuming I was doing the right thing?

Now, everything I had done had been misunderstood, and our first meeting had gone awfully wrong.

What a terrible mess!

How would I ever be able to explain my lack of compassion to that poor child, supposing he would have the courage to come back?

Another, even more important, thought suddenly struck me.

I realized that I was taking on an enormous amount of responsibility, by letting this so vulnerable little boy enter my life!

Probably, little Harry wasn't only burnt on his outside; but he was damaged in his young soul as well.

Therefore, I had to be VERY careful with my suicidal little friend!

And, I had to start right NOW!

For a long time, John continued to sob, still clamping onto my chest with all his might.

All the time, I whispered little words into his ear, to calm him down.

At last, his heavy sobs started to lessen; and he left my chest while pulling himself together.

Where the heck had I left my huge packet of tissues, now that I desperately needed it?

I was sure I had put it in some place where I would be able to find it easily, if needed.

If only I could remember where that had been...

Fortunately, John worked his own handkerchief out of his back pocket.

Looking for a dry corner, he wiped his eyes and blew his nose, unintentionally making a lot of noise.

Suddenly chuckling nervously, he folded the wet thing together, and put it back into his back pocket.

Then, he looked up at me.

In the meantime, I had wiped my own eyes with one of my own handkerchiefs, while smiling at John apologetically.

For a moment, John and I just stared at each other.

Then, we started to laugh at the same time, while our built-up tension faded away.

Being able to laugh again, felt like a most welcome release!

Looking at my clock on the wall, I asked John:

"What do you think. Is your little brother already in bed?"

"I am sure that Harry is still waiting for me, because he told me he wanted to know everything about you!

"Only, my father told me to be right back, so I think I have to go now."

"Shall I walk you home; and try to have a quick word with Harry?"

"Oh yes, please, that would be wonderful!"

Looking happy again, John hopped off my lap.

He turned around, and offered me a well-meant long and warm kiss on my cheek.

Teasingly, I returned the kiss onto the top of his wrinkling nose, making my so affectionate young friend sniffle and snicker.

He was really working his way deeply into my heart!

Bumping into each other on purpose, we went to the kitchen sink, to wash our faces and make ourselves a bit more presentable.

Again, we splashed each other with some water, although we tried to restrict ourselves, to keep our clothes dry.

Again, we started to wrestle like little children, playfully mock fighting to have some more of the same kitchen towel.

It felt marvelous, to have such a happy and affectionate young friend by my side!

Again, John and I stared into each other's eyes.

Then, totally unexpectedly, John planted his next long, warm, and well-meant kiss directly onto my mouth!

For a moment, my puritanical inside felt shocked again.

Fortunately, just in time, I remembered my own stupid reaction; and how everything had gone awfully wrong.

Therefore, I suppressed my initial shock, and forced myself to LIKE the spontaneous kiss from my so affectionate young friend!

Could it be that both John and little Harry were USED to kissing their parents, or their former 'Big Friend', on the lips?

If so, I would be in for a real treat...

Finally, I really listened to my own heart, and did as it told me.

This time, my own heart told me exactly what I had to do.

Thus, I planted a long and warm kiss directly onto John's mouth!

Suddenly feeling all warm and mushy inside, I uttered:

"Thank you, John, for being such an affectionate young friend! I am sure that our kisses have sealed our mutual friendship."

"Thank you too, sir, for wanting to be my friend! I feel very happy to be your young friend; and I wish that YOU could be my Dad."

In a hurry, we left my house and went to John's house, before his impatient Dad would get angry at his son and throw a fit...

Outside, John just took my hand, as if he had done this all his life.

Happily, he piloted me to his own house, five doors away.

On the way, he pointed me to the fourth house in the row:

"This is where Thomas and Chrissy live, with their parents.

"Harry always walks to them and to Jack's house through our backyards, to hide his face from any strangers."

After we arrived at the fifth house in the row, John took a key out of his pocket and opened the front door, to let himself and me in.

Soft music played in the background, and the house lightly smelled of incense.

It made me feel welcome, while John took me into the dimly lit living room.

Curiously, I looked around, while waiting until my eyes would be accustomed to the dim light...

Then, I saw my little namesake, lying stretched out on the carpeted floor; and, again, everything around us ceased to exist!

Little Harry was playing some game of cards with Marrie and Mark.

He looked up from his game when John and I entered the living room, obviously feeling very surprised to see ME.

Immediately, his bright blue eyes pierced right into my soul!

Again, his aura energy burned deep holes through all my built-up defenses, searching for any signs of disgust or rejection.

After a few seconds, my little friend heaved a sigh of relief, while his piercing gaze softened.

Trustingly, he opened his inside up to me, letting me read his inner thoughts like an open book.

How the heck did he do that?

Would I ever be able to learn that too?

His inside showed me that my boy still had some remaining fears of being rejected.

However, he also showed me a lot of regret; and a deep longing to make up with me.

Did I please still want to be his new Big Friend, after he had made such a fool of himself?

Sinking onto one knee, to be on level with him, I reassured him:

"Hi, my friend! I want to return your spontaneous kiss from this afternoon."

Invitingly, I opened my arms towards my boy, as I had done before...

Again, my boy showed me some fear of being disappointed.

Could he really trust me?

Did I really accept him just as he was, including his ugly shriveled and stained lips?

Did I still want to be his Big Friend, even after what had happened?

I answered him, by sending him all the love that my heart was able to bring forth.

At the same time, I assured him in my mind it had been ME who had made a mistake.

Please, could my boy forgive me for my obvious stupidity?

Again, my boy picked up all my thoughts, because his broadly smiling face tried to light up the entire room!

He pushed his game of cards towards Marrie, rose from the floor, and trotted towards me.

For a split second, he again returned into the vulnerable little boy who desperately wanted to belong to a trusting grown-up.

Then, he leapt into my open arms, while he mumbled:

"I am so sorry."

I was able to catch his small frame without tumbling backwards.

Gently, I closed my arms around my little friend, and held him close.

He hooked his small arms around my neck, buried his head under my chin, and started to cry from sheer happiness.

No words in the world can begin to describe what I felt, when my boy so trustfully committed himself to me.

My heart sensed a strong mixture of fatherly feelings, deep love, a lot of responsibility, eternal friendship, and pure joy, all in one.

My inside was sure we had definitively found each other; and we would stay best friends for the remainder of our lives.

Even my analytical mind respectfully kept its meddling mouth shut.

Several 'remembrances' showed up in my mind; letting me see that little Harry and I had been together during many of our past lives!

We had been dear friends, kindred souls, sworn blood brothers, father and son, teacher and pupil, King and Vice King.

My heart was absolutely sure we were soul mates; and that we BELONGED to each other, for now and for all eternity!

Never in my life had I cried as much as today.

This time, little Harry cried with me; but our mingling tears were tears of pure joy!

Finally, our waiting time was over. We had found each other; and were together again.

From now on, nobody would ever separate us again.

We rubbed our faces together, looked into each other's eyes, and grinned at each other like crazy.

Again, we melted into each other, mingling our joined tears of pure happiness.

For a long time, we just stared into each other's eyes, almost drowning in each other's mutual warmth and love.

Tentatively, I puckered my mouth, and gently touched his so awfully distorted lips with mine.

Immediately, my boy kissed me back, full on my lips, eagerly and without any hesitation!

Enthusiastically, we started to give each other many small pecks on the lips.

This time, our little kisses felt wonderful, like coming home, or like sealing our eternal friendship.

All my hesitation was gone; and my 'puritanical inside' was sure I would be a 'real kisser' for the remainder of my life.

This eight-year-old little Gypsy boy really was my long lost son, my dearest friend, and my very best buddy, all in one!

My inside was sure that, despite our difference in age, we would always be best friends, even after one of us died and went to heaven!

Looking into my boy's beautiful bright blue eyes, I could clearly see that he recognized me too; and he felt just as happy as I was.

I was sure I had found MY soul mate, and he certainly had found HIS!

After a long time of cuddling, I disentangled my boy from my arms.

Slowly, I rose from the carpeted floor; while little Harry rose with me and ducked his little head under my left arm.

Obviously, his 'little boy' inside still wanted to maintain some bodily contact with me.

Draping my arm around his small shoulder, I looked around.

Mark was staring at little Harry and me, open-mouthed, still lying on the floor. Did I see some jealousy in his eyes?

Marrie sat on the floor, next to Mark; also looking at us. She had tears in her beaming eyes, and seemed to feel very happy for us.

John had placed himself next to us; looking both proud and happy, while secretly wiping his teary eyes with a sleeve of his shirt.

On the couch sat a dark-haired middle-aged woman, approvingly looking at little Harry and me.

She smiled broadly at us, while her eyes showed a lot of love and understanding.

I liked the woman at first sight, and thought we could easily become good friends.

In an armchair, a tall man with hazel eyes and light brownish hair smoked a cigarette.

His eyes drifted from little Harry to me, to his wife, to his children, and back to little Harry and me.

I did NOT like that man; and my gut feeling told me this was mutual.

This man clearly was not at ease with our 'situation'.

I ruffled my boy's hair; and he looked up and smiled at me, with adoration in his eyes.

Silently, I pointed towards the man; and my boy knew without words what I intended to say.

I would NOT talk to that smoking man, unless he opened his mouth and asked me a question...

Together, we approached the smiling woman, and I apologized:

"I am sorry, for intruding on you like this! After John told me a few things about our little friend over here, I hoped I could help him."

The woman smiled back at me, while she answered:

"Please, call me Trudy; and I am very happy to see you here! We have been at a total loss, because nothing seemed to help Harry out of his desperation.

"Nobody could reach him any more. My children and their friends talked and talked to him, but he didn't listen to anybody and just kept crying.

"For a moment, I was even angry with you, for bringing Harry into this situation."

Suddenly, John jumped up and interrupted his mother:

"Mom, that is not fair! This was NOT Big Harry's fault! Nobody could imagine what Harry felt, or why he ran away."

Much to my surprise, little Harry ducked from under my arm and stepped towards John!

This time, he radiated an extremely powerful aura, as if he could be of Royal Nobility!

His proud demeanor showed an enormous amount of Inner Power; as if he could be sort of a little Prince, gently admonishing his subject...

Talking with a surprisingly deep baritone voice, and with only a slight outlandish accent, my proud boy told his big brother:

"Yes, John; I know that you cannot imagine why I ran away. Of course, you are not a lost Gypsy orphan with a terribly burnt body and a creepy face.

"You never have to hide yourself; and you never have to sneak to your friends in the dark through the backyards, to avoid any pestering strangers.

"Nobody ever makes fun of you, and nobody ever points at you in the streets. That is what I feel every day, and that is why I am so shy and frightened.

"Only, I know you cannot help it. You just cannot sense my pain and all my fears.

"Yet, I still love you very much, for being my big brother and protecting me as much as you can!"

My little Prince put his small arms around John's waist, pulled him very close to his body, and hugged him fiercely.

Immediately, John draped his arms around his little brother and hugged him back, while getting tears in his deep brown eyes.

After a few seconds, my little soul mate returned to me, ducked his head under my arm, and draped my arm back around his shoulder.

At that moment, my Inside could FEEL my boy's Inner Powers.

Wow, what an extremely special boy was he!

Did I ever think I had to protect HIM?

A second later, little Harry looked up at me; again returning into a small and vulnerable child, his eyes asking for approval:

'Have I done the right thing?'

I smiled back at my boy and ruffled his hair, to let him know I really appreciated what he did.

Immediately, his bright blue eyes lit up again; and we had sort of a silent conversation.

Amazingly, my boy and I already seemed to be able to understand each other without words.

Suddenly, the smoking man in the armchair sat upright.

Pointing at the clock on the wall, he seemed to be very impatient.

With a harsh voice, he announced:

"Children, it is time to go to bed! Go upstairs, all of you, NOW."

Unwillingly, little Harry ducked his head from under my arm, and slowly turned around to face me.

Longingly, he looked up at me with his piercing bright blue eyes.

Hesitantly, his amazingly deep baritone voice asked me:

"Please, could you take me back to Jack's house? I want to live with you from now on!"

However, 'Dad' gruffly answered for me:

"I want to have a talk with this man first. Now, go upstairs!"

With a hint of fear in his eyes, little Harry begged me:

"Please, will you wake me up when we are going home?"

"Yes, I promise!"

Reluctantly, my boy followed the other kids towards the hallway; looking back longingly before he closed the door behind.

At first, I felt elated, at hearing my boy say 'WE are going HOME'.

Obviously, little Harry was already sure that he was going to live with me, in my house!

And, of course, I had already promised I would give him his own room back and furnish it for him.

Then, I suddenly felt some reluctance, as if my inside was NOT so sure about my decision.

Why was that?

Feeling curious, I started to question my hidden feelings...

Was I really willing to take such a small boy into my house?

Of course, I wasn't Jack, the person who had rescued him, and who had been sort of a replacement father to the little orphan.

On the contrary, I was still a total stranger to the little boy, who had met him for the first time only a few hours ago!

What would happen, once my neighbors or the authorities found out that I suddenly hosted such a small child in my house?

Wouldn't I be in big trouble, as a single man and living all alone?

We were living in an extremely mistrustful Big Brother world; and I had to reckon with all those suspicious people around me...

'Dad' interrupted my train of thoughts; talking to me with sarcasm in his harsh voice:

"Sorry, 'sir'; but WE haven't been introduced yet. MY name is Eric!"

Almost reluctantly, 'Dad' extended a hand towards me.

While I shook Eric's sweaty hand full of brownish cigarette marks; my inside shuddered.

To me, this rather effeminate handshake felt quite the opposite of a manly 'firm grip'!

Obviously, I had to be very careful with this mistrusting man; who saw me as his enemy.

I was sure this man would do everything that he could to 'prove he was right', whatever that was.

I also wondered how a man like this had been able to father a warm and loving boy like John...

'Dad' pointed to a nearby armchair, while he grumbled:

"Sit down, and do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please; black, with two lumps of sugar."

Trudy went to the kitchen; while Eric started to 'talk' with me.

He started to tell me that the authorities had saddled him with that burnt little Gypsy boy; but absolutely without HIS consent!

Unfortunately, his wife had taken the boy in their custody; to help that strange 'Jack', the neighbor in the same street who had been living all alone for more than twenty years.

Two years ago, John suddenly brought that strange neighbor here, because he had found him crying and sobbing, as a little crybaby.

Jack seemed to be very charmed with some burnt Gypsy boy, who had been hospitalized and now was delivered to an orphanage.

Although HE didn't approve; his wife had insisted on taking the boy in their custody, so that he could live with that Jack in Jack's house.

However, now that Jack had suddenly died, the boy was now back in HIS house; and, of course, HE had now to decide what was going to happen with the orphaned little boy!

Living with that Jack had seemed okay; because the boy and Jack knew each other, and the boy had his own room in Jack's house.

However, I was a total stranger to him and to the boy, and he didn't know me; and, of course, the neighbors would start to talk again.

Who was I? Was I married? Did I have any children? Why was I here?

What did I want from HIS boy, and from his other children?

Feeling totally perplexed, I balled my fists in my trouser pockets, nearly forgetting to breathe from suddenly flaring anger!

Who was this man; and what kind of an arrogant interrogation was this?

For a moment, I thought about leaving the house and forcefully slamming the door!

Only, then, I certainly would lose my new friends, and that was the very last thing I wanted.

Now that I had heard Eric's contorted story, I was SURE I wanted to take little Harry home and give him his own room back!

If it were up to me; I would race upstairs and kidnap my boy immediately.

However, I also realized that I had to satisfy Eric first, by listening to him and giving him some proper answers.

Ultimately, little Harry WAS in his custody; and Eric had every right to forbid my boy and his children to visit me ever again...

Suddenly feeling nervous, I started to defend myself, while trying to sound calm:

"I am a retired psychotherapist; and I was married, but divorced a few months ago. I have two grown-up daughters, but they..."

At that moment, Trudy stormed into the living room, still drying her hands.

Demonstratively, she stepped in between her husband and me, putting her hands on her hips.

Looking furious, she stared Eric down, while she barked at him:

"That will be enough! John already thinks the world of 'Big Harry'; and you should KNOW that John is a very good judge of character!

"Totally unlike you, my dear. You always criticize and belittle people, but I have had enough of that.

"I trust Big Harry, our John trusts him, and Harry already adores him.

"Harry is free to go with his Big Friend if he wants to; and all our children are allowed to visit Big Harry whenever they want to.

"And, from now on, YOU shut up!"

Trudy sat down on her couch, like a queen; and smiled broadly at me while she told me:

"Harry is all yours. I can see in your eyes that you and he belong to each other. That boy needs you, and I am sure you need him too!

"Tomorrow, we will help you with setting up his old room, and my children will help move his belongings to your house."

Smilingly, she pointed to the stairs in the hallway:

"Harry sleeps in John's room, second door to the left. Do you need help dressing him?"

Feeling numb and shaky, I shook my head.

Hesitantly, I went to the dimly lit hallway, still trying to calm down.

Slowly, I climbed the stairs to John's room, second door to the left.

Feeling like an intruder in a strange house, I opened the door to John's bedroom, and clicked the lights on.

First, I saw John, peacefully sleeping in the nearest bed, with his head just above the blankets.

Where was little Harry? Why didn't my boy sleep next to his bigger brother?

John had told me that his little brother always crawled into his bed, because he hated sleeping alone.

Then, I saw my little soul mate, lying on his back in another bed.

His small head peacefully rested on a pillow, and his distorted little mouth showed a faint smile.

Feeling all mushy, and full of love, I stepped into the room, and stared at 'my boy'...

6. "...For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to these".

Little Harry had thrown his blankets halfway back; and, for the first time, I saw some more of his so terribly burnt body.

Suddenly gasping for air, I felt severely shocked!

My own little brother had been burnt mainly on his face, his throat, and his hands; but this boy seemed to be burnt everywhere!

Raw stripes showed on his chest in at least three different colors, together with several nasty scars of operations and lots of wild flesh.

Several ribs were showing through his colored skin, which seemed to be strained and way too tight to be comfortable.

I could hardly imagine how many operations this poor boy would need in the future, to loosen his too taut skin...

Hesitantly, I lifted his blankets further away.

Again, I was severely shocked, when I saw the rest of his body.

His small belly looked purple and reddish, and his right hip was an ugly mixture of wild flesh and scars in all different colors.

His left leg seemed less affected by the fire, but his right one was a real mess of wild flesh and all sorts of ugly scars.

Even his little pecker looked reddish and wrinkled, obviously also severely damaged by the fire.

Would this poor little boy ever be able to grow into a normal man and have children of his own?

For a moment, I nearly started to cry, at the terrible sight of such a totally devastated body.

This was not at all what I had expected to see; remembering my own burnt little brother.

After taking a couple of deep breaths, I pulled myself together and wiped my teary eyes.

Gently, I caressed his distorted little face, until he started to fidget and yawn.

Bending towards him, I whispered into his ear:

"Harry? Do you remember me? I promised to wake you up."

Much to my surprise, my boy woke up immediately!

For a second, he rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands.

Then, he opened them wide, and looked at me.

A broad smile told me he recognized me and was happy to see me!

He sat upright, throwing his blankets aside without any shame about his naked body.

Longingly, he stretched his small arms out towards me.

Of course, I did what my boy wanted me to do.

Gently, I took him into my arms, sat down on his bed, and lifted him onto my lap, facing me.

Feeling full of tender loving care, I bent down and kissed his small forehead.

Immediately, my boy tilted his head, and puckered his lips for a much better kiss!

Of course, I happily obliged.

Now, he asked me, with his surprisingly deep baritone voice:

"Am I going to live with you now?"

"Well, that is up to you... Do you really want to live with me?"

Secretly, I crossed my fingers, hoping he would say 'yes'.

"Of course, silly!" he answered immediately.

Showing me a beaming face and sparkling bright blue eyes, he bounced off my lap, dived towards his clothes, and started to dress.

In the meantime, he talked, with his deep baritone voice and a strange but pleasant sounding outlandish accent.

Only now and then, he mispronounced a difficult word, or he didn't know where to put the accent; probably due to his Gypsy origin.

He told me he always slept in his 'birthday suit', because his scars started to itch while lying in a too warm bed.

Jack used to massage his scars with some soothing oil, but John didn't know where the bottle was.

He always wore underwear that was at least two sizes too big, to lessen the pressure on his burns.

But, whenever possible, he preferred to walk around without any clothes on, to feel much freer and more unrestrained.

Normally, he hated sleeping alone. Therefore, he always crawled next to John in John's bed.

Tonight, he knew I was going to take him home, and he didn't want to disturb John.

Therefore, he had decided to sleep in his own bed, until I woke him up and took him home.

All his belongings were still stowed away; since he had to share John's bedroom, two months ago.

Of course, from now on, he could have his own room back in Jack's house.

Oops, sorry... From now on, he could have his own room back in OUR house!

Much to my delight, my boy turned out to be very talkative!

He not only was a really entertaining conversationalist; but he also seemed to be extremely bright!

When he stopped his waterfall of words, to take a breath, I jumped in and asked him a couple of my own questions.

One by one, he thought all my questions over carefully, before coming back with an intelligent and very direct answer.

Then, as if taking revenge, he started to ask me his own questions:

Was I married, where was my wife, did I have any children, did I have any plans to remarry, what did I do for a living?

Did I have enough money to maintain my new house, what did I need such a big house for, and did I have any plans for the future?

And, most important, did I have a computer with a lot of games, because he loved to play them?

My little soul mate seemed to be a thoughtful, amazingly bright, and extremely clever boy!

After he was dressed up sufficiently for the cold evening, I took him to the hallway, and lifted his tiny frame onto my shoulders.

Happily, he clamped his small hands around my forehead, with his little legs dangling free.

Together, we went downstairs, on our way giggling and trying to tickle each other.

Just before we entered the living room, I put him back onto his feet; to avoid him bumping his head against the doorpost.

Eric seemed to have left; and the living room was silent, except for soft background music.

Trudy sat again on her own chair; but, this time, she had a sad face and puffy eyes full of tears, wiping them with a handkerchief.

Little Harry went to her, and put his small arms around her neck.

She hugged him tenderly, and told him he was a very lucky boy.

"Yes, I certainly am!" he answered, happily returning her hug,

"But, I feel too sleepy now, and I want to go home."

Involuntarily, I got tears in my eyes, at hearing my boy call our house 'home'.

To me, there had always been a vast difference between a so-called 'house' and a 'home'.

So far, I never had a real 'home', but always just lived in my house.

Because I tried not to show my emotions; I first swallowed a few times, to clear my voice.

Then, I thanked Trudy for everything, and invited her for a drink and a talk the next day.

After we stepped outside, I lifted my sleepy boy onto my shoulders.

With his little legs dangling free, and his small hands clamped around the top of my head, I took him to my house.

Oops, sorry... I took him to OUR house!

Our street was dark, except for a few faintly illuminated circles below the glowing lampposts.

On my way home, my confused mind started to doubt again.

For heaven's sake, what was I DOING?

Here I was, a retired 'old grandpa', carrying a small boy towards my house; like some trophy, snatched away from Eric...

Would I really be competent enough to raise such a vulnerable young orphan on my own?

Probably, I didn't even have enough food in my house!

I still had to refill my refrigerator; and I had to find more soap, a toothbrush, and more towels.

Was I really the right person to educate this eight-year-old little Gypsy boy?

Would I really be able to teach such a young child all the 'important things of life'?

So far, I didn't have any real experience with raising young children.

I had only been working and working.

During our marriage, my wife had made all the decisions regarding our daughters' upbringing; and I had always relied on her wise judgment and good sense.

My only task in our household had been earning enough money; and, now and then, a quick cuddle and a kiss on a forehead.

Now that I thought about it, I had probably made a way too hasty decision, by taking my little friend to my house.

Children's Protection Services would NEVER allow me to keep him.

Jack, his former Big Friend, seemed to have been very lucky avoiding CPS during the two years little Harry had lived in his house.

Besides, raising a growing little boy certainly was not the same thing as keeping a pet!

I would have to buy a couple of learning books about raising children, first thing in the morning...

Little Harry clamped my head with his hands, while he slowly swung his dangling little legs.

As we approached our house, his swinging became less and less; until, at last, he stopped.

Apparently, he nearly fell asleep on my shoulders; but his small hands still gripped my hair.

Still worrying about my way too spontaneous decision, I entered my front garden, and climbed the few steps to my porch.

After sinking onto one knee to lower myself, I plucked a sleepy little Harry off my shoulders.

Carefully, I put him onto his wobbly feet, to be able to get my keys out of my pocket.

Slowly, my boy woke up a little bit, opened his eyes, and produced a heartfelt yawn.

This time, he was just a little boy, shivering from the nightly cold, and swaying from sleepiness.

With a small baritone voice, he asked me:

"Are we home now? It's too cold here, and I am sleepy."

"Yes, we are home now. But, you will have to wait for a second, until I have found my keys and opened the front door."

"Okay."

Where the heck had I left my keys?

Feeling uneasy, I started to search my pockets for the second time.

Could I have lost my keys while I was in John's house?

Should I return to Trudy, and ask her to look for them?

Suddenly, I remembered I had forgotten to take my keys with me, when John and I left my house in a hurry!

My keys were still in my living room, lying on my desk, next to the telephone.

What should I do now?

And, what should I do with little Harry, who needed his sleep?

I tried to think of a workable solution.

Would the police be able to help me, or the village's fire brigade, by breaking into my house?

Or, should I call some locksmith, in the middle of the night?

The main problem was that my phone was inside my house; and I had locked myself out...

I started to realize that I could have a serious problem!

Would I be able to smash a small window; and ask little Harry to climb inside, to get my keys and open the front door?

Or, should I return to John's house, and ask Trudy or Eric for help?

Maybe, I could force my backdoor, using one of those cobblestones?

Secretly, I hoped I had forgotten to lock the backdoor, because I was only an 'old grandpa'.

Of course, I was relatively sure I had locked it from the inside, but one can never know.

This time, I hoped that rascal Thomas would be right!

Okay, there was only one way to find out.

I took little Harry's hand, and started to descend the porch steps.

After the first step, my boy stopped abruptly and refused to go on!

With a surprised face, he looked up at me with his piercing eyes.

Then, his deep baritone voice objected:

"What's up? I thought we would go inside?"

"Yes, I know; but I forgot to take my keys when I left the house. Now, I hope I also forgot to lock the backdoor."

Much to my surprise, the little imp woke up immediately!

He started to bellow with laughter, hiccupping from the sudden fun!

Determinedly, he took my hand, and started to drag me towards my own backyard.

In the meantime, he chuckled:

"You and Jack could be brothers; because Jack was just as absent-minded as you are! He ALWAYS forgot his keys.

"The first few times, we smashed a window at the back of the house; and I crawled inside to open the front door.

"At last, we hid a spare key in the bushes, in case Jack forgot his keys again. Nobody knows about it, so I think it will still be there."

Feeling ashamed of my obvious forgetfulness, I let myself be dragged towards the backdoor.

In the darkness, my chuckling imp left me and headed for a thick bush against the wall.

Within two seconds, he returned, proudly carrying a rusty spare key.

With a smug face, he unlocked the backdoor, opened it, and told me in his best French:

"Voila, that's it. Entrez, monsieur; and after you."

After he put the spare key back onto its nail; he returned to the backdoor and followed me into my house.

Immediately, he rushed to my living room, where he found my keys and proudly showed them to me.

Looking for the right key, he relocked the backdoor from the inside.

With a big smile, he wormed my keys into a pocket of my trousers...

Wow, what an extremely special boy was he!

I already started to love his joyful spirit and playful antics very much!

Tenderly, I ruffled his unruly blond hair.

Immediately, my boy threw his small arms around my waist, and hugged me back.

Climbing onto one of the folding chairs, he yawned:

"Could I please have a cup of hot chocolate, before we go to bed?"

"Yes, of course! Do you want one or two helpings of chocolate powder?"

"TWO helpings, of course! I am still too small for my age; so I need a lot extra of everything, to help me grow faster."

Chuckling at his clever antics, I responded:

"Well, your brightness and cleverness surely are not too small for your age!

"Please, could you get some milk from the refrigerator, while I look for chocolate powder?"

He hopped off his chair, went to the refrigerator, and returned with a bottle of milk.

In the meantime, I found my packages of chocolate powder in one of my cupboards, and put them onto the kitchen table.

Next, I took an empty pan from the sink, and teasingly held it up in front of my little imp.

Of course, I assumed that my little imp would just smile back at me, and leave the cooking to me.

However, much to my surprise, my little imp just took the bottle of milk from the table, and deftly opened it!

Tiptoeing, to look at what he did, he poured exactly the right amount of milk into the pan, without spilling a drop.

While I put the pan onto my electric cook top, I praised my boy:

"Wow! You have a very good eye for the right amount of milk!"

"That is because Jack and I always cooked together."

"Well, I am not very good at cooking. Maybe, you could teach me a few things?"

"Sure! I will teach you how to cook properly! Let's start tomorrow."

Chuckling at seeing his convinced face, I ruffled his hair.

Of course, my little imp was only bragging about teaching me how to cook.

He would be way too young to be much of a real chef...

After finishing our hot chocolate, I put the used cups and the pan into my sink, and washed them with warm water.

Little Harry joined me and dried them adeptly, using the only kitchen towel I had been able to find so far.

Using a chair to climb onto the sideboard, he put the cups and the chocolate powder away into the appropriate cupboards.

My little helper seemed to be just as tidy as John had been!

After jumping back onto the floor without any help, he yawned:

"Let's go to bed now! Where are we sleeping?"

"Well, I will sleep in my bedroom; and you in your own room."

"But, my own room is still empty, and I cannot sleep on a bare floor! I want to sleep next to you; just like I always did with Jack."

"I think that is not a good idea. You ought to sleep in your own room, in your own bed! Let's go upstairs, the second door to the left."

"How do you know where my room is? Did John tell you?"

"As a matter of fact; yes, he did."

"I suppose so, because John knows everything about me."

He turned around, and raced up the steps to the second floor, while I followed him at a more leisurely pace.

Of course, he had already disappeared around the corner, while I was still dragging myself up.

In the hallway, I saw him stare through the open door into his old room, shaking his head.

Impatiently waiting for me, he pointed into his still empty room.

Trying to convince me, he wheedled:

"See? My room is empty, because my bed is in John's room. But, I am only a small kid, and I don't use up much space in YOUR bed."

"Nice try! Did you ever sleep in a folding bed?"

"Of course, silly! I've even slept on a wooden bench in a park; until the police found me and 'See Pee Es' took me to their madhouse...

"Do you really have a folding bed?"

"I've purchased two of them, for eventualities like this. Let's get one from the attic."

Without waiting for me, my little imp rushed to the hallway; where he tried to reach the pulling cord.

Of course, he was too short to get hold of it, so I took over.

Immediately, he clambered upstairs and switched the attic lights on.

Curiously, he looked at the spare things I had been stowing away.

Working together, we took one of my folding beds, and carried it towards the open hatch.

From there, I dragged it down the stairs, while my little helper assisted me from the attic.

Again working together, we carried the bed into his room, and set it up.

I got a couple of sheets and blankets from the hallway closet; and he helped me put them onto his makeshift bed.

I went to my own bedroom to get him a pillow; and he followed me inside.

Curiously, my boy started to walk around the room, appraisingly looking at my belongings...

Suddenly, I detected my huge packet of tissues, teasingly winking at me from my nightstand!

Chuckling, I remembered I had put it there myself; and then, I totally forgot where I had left it.

That rascal Thomas had really been right, after all.

I REALLY was a forgetful old grandpa!

I started to laugh; and little Harry looked at me with a questioning face and asked:

"What is so funny? What are you laughing at?"

"Well. I had put this packet of tissues onto my nightstand, and then forgot where I left it."

The little imp started to hiccup with laughter, while he chuckled:

"You and Jack REALLY could be brothers! Both of you are just as old and absent-minded, always forgetting everything."

Feeling a bit affronted by the little imp calling me 'old', I grabbed his small frame and tossed him onto my double waterbed.

For a moment, he looked shocked and disorientated.

His bright blue eyes pierced into mine, looking for any signs of anger.

After he saw me smiling, he felt reassured and smiled back at me.

Then, he felt the wobbling waterbed!

Immediately, he clambered upright, and started to bounce up and down with all of his might.

He threw himself at the wobbles, enthusiastically shouting:

"Yippee, you have a WATER bed!"

Teasingly, I told him:

"Look out; before you punch a hole in it, and it leaks!"

Suddenly, he fell quiet, looking the bed over for any visible leaks.

"Really?" he asked in a small voice, carefully leaving the bed...

"Of course not, silly. I'm only teasing you. This bed can easily carry two elephants!"

"Then, YOU are silly!" my little imp concluded.

Again, he started to test the waterbed; this time by jumping up and down as high as he could, trying to reach the ceiling.

His jumps and pranks were a funny and joyful sight, and I enjoyed myself immensely watching his beaming face and sparkling eyes.

Although he had been around me for only a few minutes, I already started to love my so spontaneous and bright little friend very much!

He was certainly working his way deeply into my heart and soul.

Enjoying his antics very much, I sat down onto a corner of the wobbling bed, waiting until he would wind down.

At last, my little imp seemed to feel both tired and satisfied.

After his last jump, he just sprang towards me, and threw himself onto my lap.

With a deep sigh of content, he tried to melt away into my aura.

Putting my arms around his tiny frame, I held my boy very close.

I now started to realize that I already very much enjoyed being the new 'Big Friend' of such an extremely special child!

Surprisingly, all my qualms about not being able to raise him had faded away.

From now on, I would do everything I could to help my special boy, who so trustfully committed himself to me.

After a long time of cuddling, little Harry sat upright and produced a heartfelt yawn.

Therefore, I thought now would be an excellent time to put my boy to bed in his own room.

After kissing the top of my boy's small head, I asked him:

"I think you feel sleepy. Shall I put you to bed now?"

With a broad smile on his face, my boy nodded his consent.

Lifting both arms into the air, he asked me to help with his undressing.

Of course, I happily helped my boy shuck his clothes, as I had done with my own daughters so many times before.

Old memories turned up in my mind, of my two girls still being in their carefree youth full of joy and happiness.

How I wished I would be able to give this boy the same carefree youth my daughters had; despite his severe burns.

Inwardly, I promised I would do everything in my control to help my boy grow up in lots and lots of tender loving care!

Soon, little Harry was clad only in his loose fitting snoopy briefs.

All the time, he had a blissful smile on his face; as if he enjoyed my help and life was good.

Now, he hopped off my lap, turned around , and waited for me to finish his undressing...

Suddenly, I started to feel unsure, not knowing what to do.

My boy had told me he always slept 'in his birthday suit', because his scars started to itch in bed.

But, did he really want me to take off his briefs as well?

Wouldn't that be much too inappropriate, for a grown-up who was not related to him and only knew him for a very short time?

How would our society react, if they ever heard of my undressing such a small boy to complete nakedness?

Wouldn't they immediately try to convict me and put me in jail, for performing 'improper behavior' with an unrelated minor?

Of course, I didn't want to be put in jail for society's crazy beliefs.

However, I also didn't want to reject or disappoint my little friend.

Hesitantly, wanting to have his explicit permission first, I asked:

"Do you really want me to take off your briefs as well?"

Looking rather surprised, my boy answered:

"Of course, silly! I've already told you I always sleep naked. Do you have some soothing oil, to rub it into my scars?"

"Let me think. Will some massage-oil do?"

"I don't know. Will you wash it off, if it makes the itching worse?"

"I promise."

Still feeling unsure, I bent over and peeled his yellow briefs off.

Again, I saw his terribly burnt body, while my boy was oblivious to my feelings of insecurity...

Involuntarily, I shuddered again, at the terrible sight of such a horribly burnt little boy.

I couldn't help staring at all those ugly scars and lots of wild flesh, marring what once had been a perfect body.

What an enormous burden this poor boy had to bear in his young life.

Why was life punishing such a small boy for something that clearly was not his fault?

Or, could my young friend be 'fulfilling his Karma'; as an old Indian Shaman once tried to tell me about his strange belief?

At that time, I didn't believe the Shaman, and thought he only explained some old Indian belief to me.

Later, I found out that almost every religion in the world believes in at least some form of punishment for our committed sins.

However, what kind of committed sin could demand THIS harsh kind of 'punishment'?

Pitying the burnt orphan with all my heart, I got tears in my eyes...

Little Harry looked at my teary eyes, while his wise eyes filled with sudden understanding.

For a second, he consolingly put his small arms around my trembling knees.

Then, he left me, took a step backwards, and told me:

"My burns always have this effect on new people; even on new doctors and nurses in the hospital.

"Now, please, have a very good look at all my burns, so that you will get used to seeing them as soon as possible.

"Then, please, understand you are not looking at ME! The REAL Harry lives inside this body, and he is NOT a cripple!

"John and Jack felt sad too, when they saw all my burns for the first time; but I helped them to accept me for who I really am.

"Now, it is your turn, to look at my inside and recognize who Harry is in reality!"

My brave little soldier started to turn around and around, slowly, to let me have a very good look at all his burns...

Sorry, but I really couldn't help it... I started to sob uncontrollably.

In a teary blur, I saw my so extremely brave boy, showing me his terrible burnt body with all its ugly scars and wild flesh.

Again, I sensed his astonishing maturity and surprising amount of inner pride in his demeanor, as if he could be some Aristocrat.

Was this so mature child only eight years old?

Had I ever been afraid I would not be able to raise HIM?

I was sure that my boy would be able to raise ME effortlessly; and he would do a very good job!

After I had again seen all his ugly burns, I regulated my breath and pulled myself together; because I wanted to be strong for my boy!

Overflowing with compassion and love for my so special little friend, I pulled him towards me and took him into my arms.

Immediately, my brave boy let himself go and melted into my aura, heaving a deep sigh of utmost content.

I could clearly feel him leave the last traces of his fears, and establish an unbreakable bond with me!

From now on, I would always be his one and only Big Friend, even after death parted us!

He was my wonderful and brave little soldier... My so precious little soul mate...

Involuntarily, I heaved another deep sob.

Little Harry stared at my teary eyes and shook his head.

After he freed himself, by gently opening my arms, he let himself slide down onto the floor.

He trotted towards the huge packet of tissues on my nightstand, and adeptly opened it.

Carrying several tissues, he returned to me and climbed back onto my lap.

With a smug face, he admonished me:

"Please, stop pitying me, or whatever you are doing! From now on, I want you to only ENJOY my pleasant company."

Showing me little fun lights in his eyes, he took his tissues and started to dry my eyes.

After drying my tear-stained face, he even tried to let me blow my nose...

Again, I saw my boy's astounding aura of Pure Nobility, as if he could be of Royal Heritage.

He could easily be a little Prince, used to giving commands to his beloved subjects!

Hesitantly, I touched a fat and ugly looking string of wild flesh.

Would I have to be careful with touching any of his scars?

Still feeling very impressed by his proud demeanor, I asked:

"Does it hurt, when I touch any of your scars? When, or where, do I have to be careful with your burns?"

"Touching my scars only tickles a little bit. It really hurts when my skin becomes too tight, and I stretch out without thinking.

"Then, the doctors will again loosen the too tight skin. They told me I am very lucky that I am still able to feel things like touch, hot, and cold.

"Under the burnt skin, all my nerves are still intact, because Jack rolled me around in the wet grass.

"My burns only start itching if there is a constant pressure on them, like wearing tight clothes or lying in a too warm bed.

"The doctor prescribed some soothing oil, but I don't know where it is. John has looked for the bottle, but he couldn't find it.

"I think the house owners have thrown it away, together with Jack's possessions. But, shall we go to bed now?"

Well. I should have thought of this myself!

Although my little soul mate sometimes acted extremely mature, he WAS only a little boy, and he certainly needed lots of sleep!

Again feeling all mushy inside, I lifted his small frame into my arms, while little Harry put his arms around my neck.

Without thinking about any consequences, I put a hand under his naked little bottom, to support his weight.

Oops!

Wasn't touching this 'private part' VERY improper?

Much to my relief, little Harry didn't protest; maybe because he was already used to other people carrying him around like this.

He only snuggled even closer against my chest, while burying his small head under my chin.

Feeling reassured, I left my hand where it was, while I carried him to his own room and laid him down onto his makeshift bed.

With a deep sigh of content, he crawled under the blankets.

Only, I had promised to look for my massage oil!

Therefore, I hurried downstairs.

Without any problems, I found the small bottle in one of the halfway filled cardboard boxes.

Feeling happy, I returned into his room, with the bottle of massage oil in my hand.

However, opening his eyes just a little bit, my boy mumbled:

"Thank you, but I think I don't need the oil tonight."

He yawned, closed his eyes, and immediately disappeared into dreamland!

Again feeling full of love and all mushy inside, I tiptoed out of his room and went to my own bedroom, leaving his door ajar.

Inwardly, I prayed to any Supreme Being that society would allow me to keep him for a VERY long time.

I would do EVERYTHING, to be a trustworthy Big Friend to my little soul mate!

Still feeling mushy, I folded his small clothes, and neatly put them onto one of the chairs.

Tomorrow, the children would bring his possessions and help him with setting up his own room.

After his room was ready, I would take him downtown; to buy him more clothes, if necessary.

I also needed to fill up my nearly empty refrigerator.

Quickly, I undressed, went to my bathroom, and thought about taking a hot shower.

However, because I wasn't very technical and didn't know my way in the dark, I just washed myself with cold water.

Tomorrow, I had to find out first how its taps worked, so that little Harry could take his warm morning shower and I mine.

Walking back to my own bedroom, I suddenly realized that I was still completely naked!

OOPS...

Suppose little Harry woke up and left his room, to go to the bathroom or drink some water.

Wouldn't he feel terribly shocked and start screaming, if he suddenly saw me like this?

Had my boy ever seen any grown-up in his 'birthday suit'; while living in our extremely prudish modern world?

That would be very unlikely.

Plus, our 'big brother' society always makes us believe that young children, confronted unexpectedly with seeing a naked grown-up, will be damaged for the remainder of their lives...

Of course, as a psychotherapist, I had never seen any valid proof that confirmed any of those silly fables.

Many children had been damaged; but always AFTERWARDS, by the extremely exorbitant reactions of the over-protective grown-ups!

Unfortunately, I had to reckon seriously with all those crazy beliefs, whether they were right or not.

Otherwise, 'society' could make my life, and that of my little friend, very difficult.

Nobody would ever listen to my arguments, because 'they' would always be sure they were right...

Normally, I always took a hot shower and then just jumped under my blankets.

However, now that I had a little boy living in my house, I had to change my habits drastically!

Of course, his parents or wardens had told him to look out for any telltale signs of 'improper behavior'.

Therefore, I decided to keep my briefs on, just for prudence reasons.

One could never know...

Muttering, I took a fresh pair of briefs, and put them on.

Then, I left my bedroom and tiptoed towards little Harry's room, to have another look at him.

My boy was still sound asleep, softly snoring; with a satisfied smile on his burnt little face.

Feeling warm and mushy again, I went back to my own bedroom, crawled under my blankets, hugged my pillow, and closed my eyes.

Immediately, the disturbing view of little Harry's terribly devastated body returned into my mind, making me shudder again!

Would his doctors ever be able to give him a more presentable look, maybe by using a newly developed 'skin transplant' I had heard of?

How many operations would my boy need in the future; to loosen his too tight skin, or to give him artificial lips and a better looking nose?

Would he ever be able to have children of his own, because of his damaged little pecker?

I wasn't rich, but I would happily spend all my money on my burnt boy, to help him!

Again, I had felt truly amazed, at seeing his so proud demeanor of pure Royalty or Nobility, as if he could be a little Prince.

Now and then, he acted just like any other normal boy of his age, although he was extremely clever and witty.

At other times, my boy possessed an enormous amount of Inner Power; and I thought he could easily be a forthcoming Shaman.

I was also sure he would be an extremely good teacher, or an excellent leader, once he grew up and wanted to go that way.

Despite all the terrible troubles he had been through, his extremely bright spirit still seemed to be unbroken!

And, from now on, he was MY boy!

From now on, I would always help him and fight for his happiness, whenever he needed me.

Starting tomorrow, I would teach him all the important 'things of life' that he needed to know.

I only hoped I would be a good enough teacher to educate such a wonderful boy...

At last, sleep took over; and I disappeared into dreamland.

Soon, I started to dream, about going to a transplant clinic and giving my little soul mate a new face and new skin on his burnt body...

7. My little trapper son; while some thing comes up.

Halfway through the night, I woke up, because my full bladder demanded my attention.

Still feeling sleepy, I fumbled around, until I found my night light and clicked it on.

Slowly, my conscious mind returned; while my brain needed some time to realize where I was.

Here I was, lying in some wobbly bed, in a strange looking room I didn't recognize...

Slowly, I started to remember everything that had happened.

Since two days, I was living in my new house I had bought in this small village.

Within a few hours, I met a couple of neighborhood children who tumbled into my driveway.

Two young boys, John and his burnt little brother, had already become my good friends.

One of them, my eight-year-old little soul mate, was now living in my house.

He was peacefully sleeping in his own room, in one of my spare folding beds from the attic.

Much to my surprise, I thought I heard a soft snoring sound, coming from my left side!

Feeling a bit shocked, I felt next to me, to find out whom the snoring sound belonged to.

Could my divorced wife still be sleeping next to me?

A second later, I started to chuckle, when reality dawned upon me.

Was I really sure my little soul mate was sleeping in his own room?

Then, what could be the heat radiating and happily snoring little body next to me?

The little body had glued itself to my left side; holding on to me with all its limbs, as if it could be a little octopus.

Little Harry had stretched out at full length, with his body stiffly pressed against my left side!

Obviously, he had tried to have as much bodily contact with me as he could muster.

Now, he held onto me with all his might, having his arms and legs draped all over me.

Carefully, so as not to wake him up, I turned a little bit to my left, to look at my sleeping boy without waking him up.

My boy seemed to be deep asleep; but he had a beautiful smile full of pure bliss and happiness on his beaming little face!

What should I do now?

Should I put him back into his own bed?

For a long time, I just stared at my softly snoring little friend next to me.

Obviously, he had woken up sometime during the night, and silently crawled into my bed.

Maybe, he had felt alone, or he had had a bad dream and looked for some protection...

I also remembered what John had told me, about his little brother crawling into his bed and sleeping next to him every night.

Little Harry himself had told me he always slept next to Jack in Jack's bed; probably because my boy hated sleeping alone.

Only, Jack had been the boy's rescuer, after his caravan burnt down and only he survived.

Jack had supported the burnt little Gypsy boy during his many operations, and had taught him our language and our regular habits.

Because of what Jack had done for little Harry, he had almost been my boy's second father!

On the other hand, officially, I was nothing more to this boy than only a neighbor he just met.

To everybody else around me, I would be only a 'stranger', who was 'unrelated' to the little boy.

Our much too mistrustful society certainly would NOT reckon with our 'past lives', 'spirit helpers', or being 'soul mates'.

All the people would only see an old man, allowing a young boy to sleep in his bed...

Surely, they would consider this as being 'very unnatural behavior', and they would react accordingly.

Hadn't our prudish 'society' ever heard of Eskimo parents and their many children, peacefully sleeping together in one huge bed?

Did 'they' seriously believe that all the Eskimo kids would be damaged for the remainder of their lives, by seeing their parents and each other naked?

Or, by frequently seeing their naked parents petting, to make their next little brother or sister?

How ignorant.

Within a split second, my own heart decided NOT to wake my little soul mate and send him back to his own bed!

Our spirit guide, Jack, had told me to 'always listen to my own heart'.

And, tonight, my own heart clearly told me that little Harry NEEDED our close contact, to feel more safe and loved in his new environment!

He had chosen to crawl into my bed all by himself, voluntarily, and totally on his own account; knowing I would accept him and that he would be absolutely safe with me.

Therefore, I was NOT going to deny my boy what he seemed to need so badly; despite what any meddlesome 'society' might think of me!

I only hoped my boy would be wise enough not to blabber about our 'sleeping habits' to anybody else, maybe except for John.

At this early stage, I didn't want to take any unnecessary risk; because I already planned to try to adopt him.

Soon, I would contact Children's Protection Services, or a reliable lawyer, and ask them for advice.

I even hoped that my fame as a well-known psychotherapist would help me to obtain what I wanted...

Gently, I tried to unglue my boy from my side, without waking him.

However, I had to lift him up and push him towards the other side of our bed, to be able to free myself from my little octopus.

For a moment, he mumbled something unintelligible; but he didn't wake up and just slept on.

Shivering from the sudden cold, I left my warm bed and trotted downstairs, to empty my bladder.

When I returned, little Harry seemed to have missed me, because he had crawled all over our bed!

He was now laying spread out diagonally, effectively blocking all my space.

I had to lift him out of the way first, to be able to enter my own side of the bed.

Again, he only mumbled a bit, without waking up.

I closed my eyes again, planning to resume my sleep...

Immediately, little Harry shifted towards me and pressed his warm body against my side!

He felt with his hands where my arms were, and adeptly wormed himself into their embrace.

Heaving a deep sigh of happiness, he mumbled something unintelligible, and fell asleep again.

No words on earth will ever be able to describe adequately how wonderful I now felt!

My cuddly little friend was stirring so many powerful parental feelings in my heart that I nearly cried from happiness.

My body started to tingle with love, while my heart danced around in my chest from pure joy.

For the first time after my own horrible youth, my inside felt totally and completely ALIVE!

Faint memories showed up in my mind, of my little son and me living together in our small log cabin.

We were trappers, living from catching deer and selling their pelts and smoked meat.

At night, we always slept in each other's arms, to keep each other warm and feel safe and cozy during the freezing nights...

Wondering about my unexpected 'remembrances', I folded my arms around my sleeping little soul mate, careful not to wake him.

Immediately, my boy shifted even more towards me, trying to melt some more into my chest.

This time, I even thought I heard him purr in his sleep, but wasn't sure.

Gently, I put my nose in his unruly hair and inhaled; and, for the first time, I smelled the special scent of my boy.

He had a nice aroma of very light musk, something indefinable but sweet, and another scent I only could describe as Pure Boy.

Getting tears in my eyes, I almost choked up from the intense tender loving care I now felt.

Again, I swore to myself I would do everything I could to help my precious little friend, who so trustfully and totally committed himself to me.

All my former qualms had disappeared; and I wanted to keep my boy for a VERY long time!

Still having my softly snoring boy in my arms, I fell asleep.

Almost immediately, I tumbled into a very strange dream...

My little son and I were living together in our small log cabin, just the two of us.

We were trappers in a vast forest; making a living from setting traps, hunting deer, and selling pelts.

My wife had died in childbirth; and, since then, I had to raise my little baby on my own.

Now and then, our closest neighbor helped us, by babysitting my boy while I was away.

He was a bachelor, our dearest friend, and both my son and I were very fond of him.

Our friend had John's deep brown eyes, and dark hair with little curls around the edges.

From a very young age, my son wanted to help me, eagerly asking me to teach him everything that I knew.

Thus, I taught him how to sneak around noiselessly, recognize the faintest animal tracks, and set up nearly invisible traps.

Soon, he started to help me cleaning out our caught animals, and smoking or roasting their meat over our fire.

He even had his own very sharp knife, which he always kept in excellent condition by sharpening it against a flat rock.

Much to our delight, he also had an infallible sense for which herbs he should add to our roasting meat, to improve the taste.

He always knew exactly which herbs would be dangerous or poisonous, by taking them into his hands and 'sensing' their subtle energy.

At night, my boy and I slept together under the same furs; feeling nice and safe.

We always had our arms around each other, to warm ourselves and be protected from the nightly cold.

Of course, we both slept naked; because nobody ever told us this could be seen as 'improper behavior' or 'seducing a minor'.

Nobody had ever taught us to be ashamed of certain 'private' parts of our bodies, or of any of its natural functions like 'getting a stiffy'.

My little son grew up in total freedom, feeling absolutely happy, and enjoying every wonderful moment in his young life.

That is, until a hungry grizzly bear killed my boy, me, and our dearest friend who had John's deep brown eyes...

Suddenly, I woke up from my strange dream, still having my softly snoring son in my arms.

Feeling confused, I needed a moment to realize where I was now.

Where was our small log cabin; and what had happened to the usual forest sounds around us?

Surprisingly, my inside immediately accepted that everything in my dream had been genuine!

Obviously, I had relived one of my 'past lives' as a trapper, having little Harry as my son and John as our dearest friend.

A hungry grizzly bear had killed us; and we returned to our timeless Eternal Plane, where we immediately felt AT HOME.

Now, after being reborn on our Planet Earth, we were meeting again, recognizing each other and still being very good friends.

Slowly, the atmosphere around me started to change.

Everything around me started to feel peaceful and full of tender love.

A bright unearthly light started to shine around me, coming from everywhere.

For a moment, I had a feeling as if I had died and entered Heaven...

Then, I saw Jack, our 'Spirit Guide' and little Harry's former Big Friend, standing next to my bed.

He looked at my snoring boy and me with a warm and approving smile on his face.

With a lot of love and respect in his voice, he told me:

"My dear brother; please, stop doubting so much; because you ARE doing all the right things, without making any serious mistakes!

"From now on, only listen to your own heart instead of to your brain; and you will always know what to do, to help both yourself and your son.

"You are now his guardian, and he is your responsibility. Spend everything you have on him, and you will be royally rewarded."

Lifting both hands in a blessing gesture, Jack engulfed my boy and me with an enormous amount of Cosmic Power and Pure Love.

For a moment, I basked in the so well-known powerful healing energy that I immediately recognized from our 'timeless Eternal Plane'.

Strangely, I was sure I had been able to send that same energy, as a powerful Shaman and Mage, to heal and bless my people.

A moment later, the unearthly light disappeared, and everything returned to 'normal'.

I sat up in surprise, still holding my softly snoring boy in my arms.

While I tried to wake up completely, my confused brain immediately started to doubt again.

What, for heaven's sake, could have happened?

Had I really seen the spirit of Jack; little Harry's former Big Friend and our 'spirit guide'?

Had Jack really called little Harry 'your son'?

Or, had everything been only some weird dream?

Besides, what could Jack have meant, when he told me 'spend everything you have on him'?

Although I wasn't exorbitantly rich, I DID have some money to spend.

Jack had told me, 'Listen to your own heart'; but the only thing my own heart told me, was 'bump-bump, bump-bump'...

He also told me, 'You will always know what to do'; but, so far, I hadn't the faintest idea of what I had to do...

Still doubting, I drifted into a deep sleep, still having my softly snoring boy in my arms.

Again, I felt like lying in our small log cabin, enjoying the happy feeling of having my little son in my arms.

This time, I didn't wake up until the next morning.

The bright morning sun, peeking through a small crack in my new curtains, teasingly tickled my eyelids until I woke up.

Slowly leaving my happy dreams, I yawned and stretched out lazily, before I opened my eyes and looked around.

Much to my surprise, I stared into a pair of beautiful bright blue eyes!

The eyes looked like two bottomless orbs, piercing deeply into my very essence.

They were radiating an extraordinary intelligence, a lot of pride, very much fun, and a huge amount of love, all in one.

Little Harry had positioned himself on top of me, staring at me with a broad smile on his beaming face.

When he saw I opened my eyes and looked at him, he first offered me a kiss.

Then, his deep baritone voice chuckled:

"I thought you would never wake up."

Still trying to wake up some more, I chuckled:

"Why would you think such a thing?"

"I am only TEASING you; silly!"

"Well, in that case, you have earned a morning tickle-torture!"

After freeing my hands from under the blankets, I started to tickle my boy's small and lithe but surprisingly strong frame.

Happy memories showed up in my mind, of doing the same thing with my daughters, after they woke me up in the morning.

Now, after sixty-five-years of waiting for any grandchildren to spoil, I was tickling my SON.

Of course, I was very careful not to hurt any of his colored burns, or irritate his many scars.

Soon, I found out that my boy was not very ticklish, very unlike my own daughters had been.

He only squirmed some, chuckled at my futile efforts, and ferociously started to tickle me back!

I had a lot of difficulty in defending myself against his cleverly aimed attacks!

Obviously, he knew what he was doing, and effortlessly found all my sensitive spots.

Probably, he had been doing the same things many times before, with Jack or with John.

While I looked at his beaming face; again, my heart melted with pure love and joy.

My inside felt elated to see my boy enjoying our intimacy so much.

My little friend seemed to crave it!

When I could no longer stand his forceful tickling, I grabbed his hips and lifted him into the air.

Trying to surprise him, I tossed him towards the other side of our wobbling bed.

Immediately, he crawled back, trying to look mock angry.

Again, he launched himself at me, to perform his next tickle attack.

Still trying to look angry, his deep baritone voice told me:

"I will get you back, as soon as I am on top of you again!"

"Oh yeah? What makes you think I will let you win that easily?"

"You are only an old grandpa; and I am too intellagent for you!"

Smiling at his linguistic error, I decided to tease him back:

"Really? Well, my own 'unintellagent' brain is sure the word should be intelligent, with an 'i'."

Immediately, my boy retorted:

"You and Jack really could be brothers! For a Gypsy like me, your language is very difficult to learn, and I've only spoken it for two years.

"Now and then, I still make tiny mistakes. But, Jack always called me his 'linguistic miracle', so I think I cannot be that bad...

"Now, beware, because this 'intelligent linguistic miracle' is going to WIN!"

Again, he dived for my sensitive spots, trying to make me give up.

After romping some more, I decided to let my boy win.

Therefore, I opened both arms wide in surrender.

With triumph in his eyes, he pinned my arms to the bed!

Looking proud, he shouted:

"Gotcha! What are you going to do NOW?"

"Okay, you win! You have won my body, my heart, and my soul."

"Huh? I have won your body, your heart, and your soul? You really are a silly old grandpa; but I love you anyway.

"Now, please, wait for me and don't move, because I have to pee first..."

He jumped off my chest, slid down from the wobbling bed, and raced towards the door.

His naked frame with uncombed hair looked like some wild savage, sneaking out for a hunt!

His little backside full of scars playfully wiggled at me, before he disappeared through the door.

I heard him race down the stairs in a sudden hurry, to present his offering to the ceramic god.

Involuntarily, I chuckled, realizing that I started to enjoy his playful 'pleasant company' more and more!

Never before had I experienced so much fun with romping, not even with my own daughters.

I really hoped that 'See Pee Es' would allow me to keep my happy little soul mate for a very long time!

Within two minutes, he was back, with a mischievous grin on his face.

He clambered back onto our wobbling waterbed, rose upright, and launched himself at me with a loud Indian yell.

This time, I caught him just in time, by grabbing his small hips.

Lifting him high into the air, I threw him towards the other side of our bed.

Immediately, he returned; trying to look mock angry, but showing me sparkling eyes in his beaming face.

Cheerfully, he jumped onto my chest, planning to pin my arms again.

His little feet kicked the blankets away...

With a sudden look of disbelief, he stared at my white briefs:

"Why do you sleep in your underwear? Jack never did."

"Jack never did? Well. I didn't know how you would react to seeing a naked grown-up."

"You REALLY are a silly old grandpa! In our own Gypsy camp, I have seen naked people all my life.

"And, I bet you are nothing special or different than any other man I have seen in his birthday suit!"

Ouch! There went my so carefully maintained manly self-esteem.

Of course, I hadn't seen that many naked men in my life, because normal men just don't look at each other.

I just always thought I was relatively well-built, and that my wife had nothing to complain about.

However, wasn't that what every man always thought about himself?

Apart from that, the honest but rather rude comment from such a small boy had sounded just a little bit too harsh.

I loved my little friend very much, and that would never change; but, now, I started to feel a little bit wary about his candor.

He clearly didn't mind telling the truth...

Although my own inside surely didn't mind; how would any other grown-up react to his too honest answer?

In our so over-prudish world, obedient children didn't speak about these 'private' things; and certainly not to a grown-up.

Besides, had this little boy really seen that many naked men?

Of course, he was exaggerating, trying to look more mature.

Little Harry seemed to sense that he could have gone too far.

For a moment, he stared into my eyes, looking for any telltale signs of anger.

Then, he looked relieved when I winked at him.

Humorously, the little imp immediately winked back at me!

He slumped down on my chest, spread out as far as he could, and tried to melt into my aura.

His small head rested on my shoulder, his little distorted nose disappeared in my left armpit, and his short arms folded around my body.

His little legs stretched out alongside mine, while his feet tried to clamp around my hairy legs.

Heaving a deep sigh of content, my boy tried to intensify our bodily contact even more.

Involuntarily, he made me think of a little octopus.

My own arms spontaneously folded around his little body, while my hands automatically started to roam his burnt back.

Instinctively, I started to trace his many scars, the wild flesh, and all the raw marks the blazing fire had left on him.

Now, I was sure I heard my boy purr like a little kitten!

Obviously, he was finally sure that I would accept all of him, including all his ugly burns and scars, without any restrictions.

Very much to my delight, I suddenly felt his so terribly damaged little 'stiffy', proudly poking itself into my belly button!

YESSS!

Feeling elated, I nearly started to cheer with happiness!

As I had hoped and prayed for, my burnt little soul mate would still be able to marry and have children.

His damaged little penis was still working properly, exactly as it should be!

Inwardly, I chuckled; when I remembered my own early youth.

At that time, my own little 'thingy' always seemed to have a mind of its own, 'coming up' whenever I felt good.

At first, I had felt ashamed; while I tried to hide the obvious 'tent' in my trousers.

Fortunately, I found a book about growing boys; and, after reading it, I didn't feel ashamed anymore of getting a 'stiffy'.

Even my little brother proudly showed me a small tent in his own underwear, after we had read the same book together.

Feeling all mushy inside, and very proud of my brave little soldier, I kissed the top of his small head and cuddled him some more.

A few seconds later, I felt severely shocked, at feeling what my own body was doing.

Feeling ashamed, I could not believe what was happening to my own now much bigger 'thingy'...

Heaven knows I didn't want it; and I was sure I couldn't help it...

Feeling awful, I realized that my body started to have an erection!

Slowly, my now much bigger 'thingy' started to come to life, already forcefully pushing itself up in my briefs...

Why the heck did my own body betray me like this?

Desperately, I tried to will my erection down; but my stiffy didn't listen to me and just went on, steadily coming up more and more.

What, for heaven's sake, should I do NOW?

Sucking in my breath, I tried to prevent my 'thingy' from poking into my little soul mate.

At the same time, I felt utterly betrayed by my own body, and terribly ashamed of myself.

Why, for heaven's sake, was my body suddenly reacting to the innocent intimacy between my little boy and me?

Was I now becoming a 'pervert', lusting after innocent children?

What would my little friend think of me, if he felt my sudden arousal?

Would he run to John's parents, to tell them about my sudden 'improper behavior'?

Would the newspapers soon mention my name, as being one of those 'filthy child molesters'?

I knew how our society tended to react towards people who were doing these things...

Never before had my body betrayed me like this.

Although I had cuddled many children in my life, none of them had ever aroused me.

Occasionally, I woke up with an obvious morning-erection; but that always went away immediately after I peed.

What the heck was happening to my stupid body?

I didn't WANT to become a so-called 'pedophile', or a 'filthy child molester'!

Lord, please, help me...

Feeling desperate, I tried to lift my innocent boy off my chest.

What would little Harry think of me now, if he suddenly felt my still growing arousal?

Would he feel disgusted; or would he be afraid of me, and run away from this old 'pervert'?

If he ever told this to Trudy and Eric, my peaceful life in this small village would be over.

What would Jack think of me now, if he saw me in this unnatural state?

My inside was sure that Jack had trusted me to do the right things.

Was I now betraying Jack's trust in me?

I didn't want to do that.

What would I think of myself now?

Was this the result of all these happy years of working with young children?

If so, then I would immediately bring little Harry back to Trudy and Eric, to protect the innocent child from any further improper advances!

Feeling very upset, I didn't know what to do.

Shamefully, I tried to withdraw my abdomen as far as I could.

That way, I hoped the innocent child wouldn't be aware of my still growing member.

Would little Harry know what it meant, when a grown-up became aroused like this?

Hopefully, he would be too young to understand what was happening to his new Big Friend.

I didn't WANT my little friend to think I could be an old pervert who tried to betray his trust...

Nearly panicking, I decided to push the innocent boy off my stomach.

Then, I would leave the bed and run towards the bathroom, before he saw tent in my briefs.

Of course, my boy's parents or wardens had taught him to look out for things like 'good touch' and 'bad touch'.

They certainly had told him that this kind of 'touch' would be VERY bad.

Desperately, I pushed my hands in between my boy's small body and mine.

Then, I tried to lift his hips up from my erection...

Immediately, my little soul mate protested, probably because my little octopus didn't want to leave his 'safe' place on my belly!

His small hands grabbed my arms, to prevent me from lifting him away from my stomach.

Tilting his head, he looked at me with a surprised face, and asked:

"What's up? What are you doing?"

What was up?

For heaven's sake, what could I tell this little boy, feeling extremely ashamed of myself?

Could I tell him that, definitely, something very improper was trying to 'get up'?

Could I tell him that I desperately tried to hide my perversion from his innocent eyes?

He would never understand what happened, and probably tell everything to John's parents.

Eric would undoubtedly inform the police, and my peaceful life would be over...

I answered my boy the first thing that came up in my mind:

"Nothing is up, but let's leave the bed and get dressed. My stomach is hungry, and it tells me it wants to eat breakfast."

Suddenly, my little soul mate sat upright, staring at me with a bewildered look in his eyes.

His beautiful bright blue orbs pierced deep holes into mine, in total disbelief.

Sounding disappointed, and with a quivering little baritone voice, my boy stammered:

"Why are you LYING to me? Don't you trust me?"

His blue eyes filled with tears, while he looked away and started to sob.

Slowly, he slid off my stomach, crawled to the other side of the bed, and curled up into a ball...

At that same moment, my entire world REALLY stopped to exist.

A hot dagger cut through my suddenly screaming heart, while my throat choked up from my terrible feelings of guilt.

Again, this little Shaman had seen right through all my defenses; and, this time, he did NOT like what he saw.

Obviously, I had betrayed my boy's absolute trust in me; and now, he didn't want to be my little friend any more...

Only, what else could I have told 'my boy', to reassure him?

My little friend had asked me, 'Don't you trust me'.

DID I trust him? My inside told me I wasn't sure.

When was the last time I had trusted another human being?

I tried to remember, but found out that I couldn't...

qReluctantly, I realized that I didn't even trust myself!

That little Shaman was right. I WAS always lying, always trying to hide my real self behind empty words.

I always tried to manipulate other people, doing my utmost to make the greatest impression.

All my life, I had been afraid that others would think less of me.

Now, my little Gypsy friend saw right through all my built-up farces!

qTears of frustration welled up in my eyes.

The disappointed reaction from my little soul mate irresistibly brought all my concealed bad habits to the surface.

This time, I could no longer hide from myself any more.

For the first time in my life, I peeked into who I really was; and I felt devastated!

I did NOT like what I saw; while my stupid 'thingy' was still pointing up in my briefs...

Falling back onto my bed, I choked up and started to cry.

I had already wasted sixty-five years of my life; and, now, I turned into a 'pedophile', a 'child molester', being the lowest scum on earth.

Feeling desperate, I buried my face in my hands and started to cry uncontrollably.

Of course, I tried to stop my sobbing; but, this time, I couldn't control myself any more.

Wave after wave of pain and despair overwhelmed me, making me cry even more.

What would my little friend think of me now; when he saw the obvious tent in my briefs?

Maybe, he had already felt my erection, and added my betrayal to his sudden disappointment...

In my despair, I decided to live as a hermit from now on.

No more children would be in my life!

I would bring little Harry back to John's parents, as soon as I had pulled myself together!

That way, I wouldn't be tempted to assault my boy with another erection.

I would rather KILL myself, than take any risk of damaging my little soul mate even more than I had already done.

I just loved him too much.

Feeling desperate, I started to cry even more...

A second later, I felt a heat-radiating small body, clambering back onto my stomach!

Without any hesitance, a little stomach pressed down upon my slowly wilting erection, while two small arms folded around my neck.

A wet little face full of tears kissed me, and pressed itself against my tear-stained cheek.

A quivering little baritone voice sobbed into my ear:

"It is okay to cry, even for a grown-up. Just let it go; and don't bottle it up! In a few minutes, you will feel a lot better..."

For a moment, I felt totally perplexed.

Then, I REALLY started to feel ashamed of myself, while my erection quickly wilted away.

I was a trained psychotherapist, for crying out loud; and I certainly was not used to be comforted by what was only a small boy!

Allowing my boy to do this, would turn my entire safe and controlled world upside down.

Who was the therapist here?

Besides, how would such a young boy be strong enough to comfort a crying grown-up?

Wouldn't he soon be drawn into my too strong feelings of despair and self-loathing, and lose himself into my emotional turmoil?

I didn't want to damage my little friend even more than I had already done!

Ready to pull the little boy off my stomach, I grabbed his small arms...

At that moment, I stopped, because I heard a voice in my inside!

My 'own heart' told me, loud and clear, that I had to TRUST my little soul mate and let myself go completely!

My boy would soon be a very competent and powerful Gypsy Leader, and this upcoming little Shaman was absolutely strong enough to help me with everything!

At this emotional moment, I could trust my boy even more than myself...

Of course, my confused brain immediately started to doubt.

Had I really heard my own heart speaking?

Could I really do as my own heart had told me, and let myself go completely?

Now, I heard Jack's warm voice in my inside, almost begging me:

"My dear brother; this experience is VERY important for both of you! Please, let yourself go completely, without thinking."

Now that I heard Jack's warm voice in my inside, I felt VERY relieved!

Obviously, Jack was NOT disappointed in me, despite what I had done; and he still trusted me!

Fortunately, Jack did NOT see me as some filthy child molester, seducing my innocent boy...

Fortunately... Jack... still... trusted... me...

I started to cry my heart out, this time without any restrictions.

Rivers of built-up self-loathing started to stream down my face, while all kinds of unconscious or hidden frustrations showed up.

Why had I always been so wary about committing myself to others, even to my best friends?

Why was I always playing the omniscient therapist, hiding my true feelings and playing it safe?

Why had I never trusted anybody, but always kept a safe emotional distance from all my friends, acquaintances, and relatives?

I would have to change myself radically, to be able to look myself in the eyes without any more shame!

And, I had to do it right now!

From now on, I had to be absolutely and totally open and honest to everybody, always and everywhere, including myself!

For a long time, I cried and cried, crying my soul out, until I had no more tears left and the rivers of self-pity slowly stopped.

Finally, I realized that I DID feel a lot better, as my little soul mate had predicted.

This powerful little Shaman, with his extremely strong Love and Inner Wisdom, had been absolutely right!

During my whole life, I had always bottled up everything.

I had never trusted other people, or really listened to them.

I had always been the omniscient professional, in control of myself, playing it safe, and carefully hiding my own feelings.

Now, finally, thanks to my little friend, I was ready to better myself!

All the time, my little soul mate had comforted me, lying outstretched on my stomach.

All the time, he had wiped my tears away, or his small hands had stroked my face and hair.

All the time, his deep baritone voice had whispered little words into my ear.

What wisdom, in such a seemingly vulnerable little boy.

His body might be only eight years old; but his powerful spirit absolutely was MUCH older, probably because he was a 'very old soul'!

Slowly, I recovered from my emotional catharsis.

Now, I started to realize a couple of very important things.

Never before had I felt so close to anybody this small and this powerful.

My inside was aware of an extremely strong bond between my little soul mate and me, now building even stronger.

Being together, my boy and I would be able to withstand quite a lot more than only a little bit of crying and feeling ashamed!

Working closely together, my boy and I would be able to change the entire world and make it a much better place to live on!

From now on, our blossoming friendship would be able to survive anything, without any restrictions!

I was sure that I would always be there for him, and he would always be there for me.

He was my soul mate; and I was his, for all eternity!

8. A really honest talk; and my little chef has a 'gift'.

After my sobs started to cease, I pulled myself together.

Then, I looked at my little soul mate, still lying on my chest.

Again, I felt like drowning in those two bottomless orbs full of love and understanding, looking straight into my soul.

Jack was right. My experience HAD been very important for both of us!

Thanks to my emotional catharsis, I finally started to trust the immensely strong bond between my little soul mate and me, without creating any more doubts.

I could read in his bright blue eyes that my boy was experiencing exactly the same feelings.

From now on, our mutual bond would be unbreakable!

Still feeling shivery, I gently pushed my boy off my stomach.

This time, he didn't protest, but just let himself slide onto our bed.

Feeling a bit dizzy, I sat up, and took a couple of tissues from the huge package on my nightstand.

While I blew my nose in them, I unintentionally made a lot of noise, grinning at my little friend.

Then, I offered the remaining tissues to him.

Smiling back at me, my little imp took the tissues and blew his nose in them while trying to make exactly the same noises!

Suddenly, we both started to bellow with laughter; and our shared fun effectively released all the remaining tension.

Again, we had tears in our eyes, this time from feeling relieved and having so much fun.

After taking another tissue, I dried his eyes for him; and he took another tissue and dried mine.

Still laughing, he climbed onto my lap, and trustfully melted into my chest.

Now feeling much happier, I recalled the words Trudy had spoken:

'That boy needs you, and I am sure you need him too.'

Well, Trudy had absolutely proven to be right!

I DID need my boy, with all my heart; to free myself from my old distrust, and to gain more insight into who I really wanted to be.

Right now, I only wanted to sit still, and enjoy the 'pleasant company' of my little soul mate.

Within a few minutes, I would try to have a serious and honest talk with him.

That would be my first one ever.

Silently, both my little friend and I enjoyed our close togetherness.

That is, until his little stomach started to grumble aloud!

With mock-shocked faces, we tried to stare each other down.

Then, we both burst out in spontaneous laughter!

Our shared fun still felt like another most welcome release, after all the emotional turmoil we both had been through.

Still laughing, little Harry declared:

"My stomach is hungry; and it tells me it wants to eat breakfast!"

Again, we both started to laugh, because my clever little imp had relayed my own words back to me.

Of course, being a growing young boy, he would probably be a real eating machine.

Only, before we dressed and went downstairs, I first wanted to have my honest talk with him!

If we went to our kitchen now, we would be too busy with eating and all the other chores I had planned to do.

Then, I would forget to tell him what I had on my mind; and my heart told me it was important to do it NOW.

To start with, I wanted to ask him an easy question, to get his attention.

Thus, I asked him:

"What did you feel, when I suddenly started to cry?"

"Nah, nothing special. During the first year after the fire, I cried a lot, because I hated the people who always teased and ridiculed me.

"Jack felt sad too, and he mostly started to cry with me. We always held and comforted each other, until we both started to feel better.

"Afterwards, we always talked about our sadness; because we had promised each other to be always honest about all our feelings, without ever feeling ashamed or hiding anything from each other."

"Thank you very much, for your honest answer! You are a very special boy, with a big heart full of tender loving care; and your comfort helped me tremendously.

"For the first time since my own difficult youth, I was able to let myself go and cry my heart out, thanks to you and your powerful help.

"Now, I also want to be honest with you, about my own feelings. You were right about what you said to me. I WAS lying to you!"

"Yes, I know. You got a stiffy, just like me. You tried to hide it from me; but I could feel it anyway. Then, you started to LIE about it...

"At first, I felt disappointed; because you were lying to me. Trusting each other, and being honest, are the basics of every friendship.

"Jack taught me it is VERY important to always be honest with each other about everything, even if you feel ashamed about something.

"For a moment, I thought you didn't want to be my friend any more. Then, I read your thoughts, and found out that you still loved me.

"You still wanted to be my friend; but you were afraid that you could 'damage' me, because your own body reacted to our cuddling..."

After swallowing a few times, my boy went on:

"Now and then, Jack or I got a stiffy during our cuddling. One day, I asked Jack about it, and he told me many things about love and sex.

"Because our hearts are enjoying each other's company very much, our unconscious brains try to prepare our bodies in advance for the possibility of sex.

"Unconscious brains don't care anything about age or gender; but they try to ensure the survival of the human race, in case the partner turns out to be a girl.

"Unfortunately, the crazy beliefs of some silly people DO care; and we have to reckon with them, by never telling them about any private things.

"Most people will not even try to understand our real feelings; but they will always condemn the grown-up, for 'committing improper behavior with a minor'.

"Therefore, we HAVE to trust each other absolutely, always and without any exception; because, otherwise, our 'society' could make our lives very difficult."

For a moment, my brave little soldier remained silent, probably thinking again of Jack and our meddlesome society...

Then, he went on, with a hint of sadness in his voice:

"Jack taught me to always be proud of myself and of my own body; but that is difficult, especially when people are laughing at me.

"Jack also taught me to always trust the feelings of my own heart; but that is difficult as well. Sometimes, I am too scared, and run away.

"During the past two months, I've missed Jack very much. We always cuddled and romped after we woke up, and I've missed that terribly.

"Fortunately, now I have YOU to cuddle and romp with; and I hope you will stay my Big Friend for a very long time.

"Please, stay with me for as long as I need you! Don't die too soon... Now, my stomach is very hungry! What do you have for breakfast?"

After hearing my boy's explanation, my head was in heavy turmoil, and I couldn't think straight any more.

My 'old' brain seemed to have received too much information at once, about several 'facts of life' and other 'intimate things' I never had thought of before...

In my youth, my parents NEVER spoke about 'intimacies' or 'sex'.

Your unclad body was something you always had to be ashamed of; and you certainly had to hide your 'genitalia' from everybody else!

After my little brother was born, he had seen my nakedness only while we showered together.

From his sixth year on, he could wash and dry himself, and I never saw his naked body again, nor he mine.

That is, until the little duffer burnt himself; and I had to help him with everything, even with going to the bathroom.

I discovered sex on my own; and was always ashamed of my 'stiffies' that seemed to occur at random and much too often.

I had learned masturbation from a friend, in a barn behind our school, both of us giggling and afraid of being caught by a grown-up.

The first time the top of my penis got wet, I thought that 'God' punished me with a 'sexual disease', from playing with my friend.

I was terrified for months; until I discovered a book, in a corner of the library, written especially for growing up boys.

Secretly, I started to read it, in the relative safety of my bed beneath the blankets, red-faced and feeling naughty.

Then, Joshie caught me and wanted to read it too, both of us getting stiffies and feeling naughty together.

During my marriage, my wife finally taught me to sleep only in my 'birthday suit'.

At first, sleeping naked felt very strange; until, after a long time, I really started to enjoy the freedom of it.

However, soon after the birth of my first daughter, we started to undress only when we were sure the children weren't around.

My daughters never saw our naked bodies; and they always behaved very shy about being undressed in front of us.

I never saw any of my daughters naked after they had gotten their first hint of breasts and started to wear a little bra.

After we divorced, I rented a temporary abode, and started living on my own again.

From that time on, I didn't care any more, and jumped straight from the shower into bed.

However, deep inside, I was still ashamed of being naked, even in my own house...

Now, I was sitting on a corner of my bed, clad in only my briefs, and feeling more than naked.

On my lap, I had a little boy I was not related to, and who was completely naked!

This naked little boy had just told me a bunch of intimate things I had never thought about before.

What would our society think of me now?

What would Jack think of me now?

What would I think of myself now?

Had I now damaged this little boy for the rest of his life; as our Big Brother society certainly would assume, in its infinite 'wisdom'?

Or, could this little boy be RIGHT, about never feeling ashamed of yourself and of any of your body's natural functions...

Suddenly, little Harry's stomach started to rumble loudly.

Chuckling, he left my lap and slid down onto the floor.

From there, he started to pull at my hand, complaining:

"Come on, let's go downstairs! My stomach is VERY hungry."

Again, I started to feel uncomfortable about my 'indecent' situation.

Sixty-five years of exaggerated prudishness and social pressure about displaying your unclad body, were still demanding their attention!

I just couldn't let myself go and follow my naked little friend downstairs, feeling embarrassed about being clad in only my briefs.

I pulled my hand back, and started to gather my clothes.

Little Harry seemed to be very surprised, because he asked:

"What's up? I thought we would go and eat breakfast first?"

For a moment, I felt a bit annoyed.

I even was about to tell him some nothingness that would satisfy his annoying inquisitiveness.

Fortunately, just in time, I remembered his next question, 'don't you trust me', and the impact that question had on me!

I HAD promised myself to be open and honest, always and everywhere...

After a difficult moment, I decided to be honest to my little soul mate and tell him everything that bothered me:

"I am sorry, but this is very difficult for an old man like me. I am not used to walking about almost naked, even in my own house!

"In my own youth, my parents taught my brother and me to always hide our unclad bodies from everybody else..."

Immediately, my boy interrupted me:

"Yeah, I KNOW. Your parents taught you the same nonsense John's Dad always taught John; and he also tried to force it on me!

"Fortunately, Jack let me see that I should always be PROUD of my own body and everything else, including peeing, and getting stiffies.

"You always have to listen to your own feelings, and never to any crazy beliefs that so-called 'normal' people want to impose onto you!

"Nothing is bad until you FEEL it is bad, inside your own heart. You only have to reckon with these people, because they can make your life very difficult.

"While anybody else is around, you always have to be very careful. You can never speak of any private things to anybody else, including your best friends.

"It's a shame that young kids like me are forced to have those secrets. Only John and I know everything about each other, and I know that I can trust him.

"Now, you know everything about me as well, and I know that I can trust you too. But, let's go downstairs, before I start eating the furniture!"

Totally unexpectedly, my Inside cleared up, as if some hazy mist suddenly disappeared; and I started to bellow with laughter!

Tears of relief were streaming down my face, while I nearly started to hiccup.

This was too comical!

Here I was, a well-known psychotherapist, clad in only my briefs, sitting on a corner of my bed.

An eight-year-old little boy just had 'THE TALK' with me, as if HE was the grown-up.

Never before had I learned so much about 'sex' and 'intimacies', as in the past few minutes.

This little boy with his proud demeanor had turned my entire grown-up world upside down, effortlessly!

Who had been the therapist here?

After rising from my bed, I scooped my naked little friend off the floor and took him into my arms.

I ruffled his uncombed hair, kissed his burnt little face, and cuddled him; still laughing.

Never before had I felt so free and alive, suddenly enjoying life just as it was!

Out of the blue, all my silly qualms had disappeared into thin air!

At this very moment, I felt as if an enormous burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and I almost started to float!

My chest felt much freer, as if I was able to inhale and exhale the air deeper than ever before.

For the first time since my early youth, I could say that I started to be MYSELF.

All the time, little Harry laughed with me, clearly enjoying the extra attention he got.

He threw his small arms around my neck, and started to smother my face with little kisses.

Then, he clamped against my chest like a little octopus, and just enjoyed our intimacy.

After a lot of cuddling, I finally lowered my boy towards the floor and put him onto his feet.

Romping together, we frolicked towards the stairs, bumping into each other on purpose.

We descended the steps, one by one, hand in hand, skipping the last one, pushing each other like little children.

For the first time, I started to understand a passage from the Bible, telling us:

'Be like a Child, for the Kingdom of God belongs to these.'

Frolicking, while trying to bump into each other on purpose, my little friend and I entered our kitchen.

Now, I felt very happy to have some carpeting on my floor, because we were barefooted.

Inside our kitchen, my naked little savage let go of my hand and started to look around critically.

He had a pensive look on his face, as if he recalled where everything had been while living here with Jack.

He went to my refrigerator, opened it, and peeked inside.

Closing its door, he shook his head and told me:

"Your fridge is much bigger than Jack's, but it is almost empty! What do you have for breakfast?"

"Well... Until yesterday, it was only me in the house; and, of course, I didn't know you were going to live here.

"I am afraid we will have to go shopping first. In the meantime, I do have enough toast and butter, and there's still some milk."

"Okay. Last night, I promised to teach you how to cook, so let's start! I saw a couple of eggs in your fridge, but do you have any tomatoes?"

"Yes, I do have a few eggs; and no, there are no tomatoes."

"Then, do you have some vegetables, beans, or maybe potatoes?"

"Well, I’m not sure. Why don't you have a look for yourself?"

"Okay."

A moment later, I started to chuckle at the funny sight of such a small boy gathering food.

Little Harry's tiny frame almost disappeared into my refrigerator, while he rummaged around.

Soon, he showed up again; carrying all the eggs, a small leek, two onions, and a clove of garlic.

He put everything onto the kitchen table, and smiled at me:

"Do you have some curry, or other spices?"

"Maybe, there is some in the cabinets over the sideboard."

My little cookie dragged a chair towards the sideboard, climbed onto it, and started to inspect all my cabinets.

Again, I chuckled, at the funny sight of my naked little savage, nearly disappearing into a cabinet, with only his bum sticking out.

Soon, he found my tins of curry and black pepper, a container of salt, and a nearly empty bottle of hot sauce.

After putting them onto the sideboard, he jumped down onto the floor.

He picked everything up, and neatly placed it onto the kitchen table.

Then, he asked me:

"Do you have some slippers?"

"WHAT? Are we going to eat SLIPPERS for breakfast?"

My little imp started to bellow with laughter, while his deep baritone voice hiccupped:

"No, silly, I am not THAT hungry! I only want to get some herbs from my garden, but the ground is still moist with dew..."

Still laughing at his funny antics, I offered him my own slippers, from the hallway closet.

Of course, I was now very curious about what my boy would do next...

He put his small feet into my way too big slippers, and tried to walk a couple of steps.

Of course, he almost tripped over his own little legs, and promptly started to laugh again.

Although he tried to show me a sour face, his built-in happiness won.

Unexpectedly, he offered me a quick cuddle and a big kiss!

Shuffling towards the backdoor, he stopped just in time:

"Where are your keys? The backdoor is still locked..."

"You know where you have put my keys! My trousers are upstairs."

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

Fortunately, I wasn't the only one who sometimes forgot things...

My little savage kicked my too big slippers off, and raced upstairs.

Within ten seconds, he was back with my keys, and unlocked the backdoor.

He put my keys onto the kitchen table, and again stepped into my huge slippers.

Walking carefully, he shuffled into the backyard, still having fun trying not to stumble.

Hesitantly, I followed him through the open door, suddenly feeling VERY aware of being clad only in my briefs.

What would happen, if one of our neighbors saw me like this, being almost naked?

Or, even worse, if they saw my completely naked little savage, being clad only in his 'birthday suit'?

Wouldn't they be VERY suspicious about what I was doing to such a small and vulnerable child?

Little Harry seemed to be oblivious of the effect he might have on any nosy neighbors.

He just shuffled to a corner of the backyard, squatted down, and started to inspect his herbs.

Obviously, this was HIS abundantly flowering little garden, carefully marked out by several white cobblestones.

Had he set it up all by himself, or had Jack helped him?

I remembered I had seen it before; unintentionally stumbling over a few stones and wondering who had put it here.

Now, I saw that he had put the fallen stones upright again.

Had he been angry with me, for damaging his little property?

Within two minutes, he returned, walking careful while trying not to trip over the huge slippers.

He now carried some green leaves, a couple of yellow thingies, a small brown carrot, and a reddish pod.

Proudly, he showed them to me, enthusiastically explaining:

"These are from my own herbs garden, with all sorts of spicy plants in it.

"Jack and I laid it out after I returned from the hospital; with the help of my herbal learning book.

"Now, I will show you how to prepare a decent meal out of almost nothing!"

Until now, I had been convinced that my little boy would be too young to be a 'real' chef.

However, after watching him gather his herbs, I had to admit that I felt rather impressed!

He really seemed to know what he was doing...

What kind of a surprise would my little imp pop up next?

I closed our backdoor; while my boy shucked his slippers and neatly put them into a corner.

Tiptoeing and reaching out, he first placed all his herbs into the sink, and washed them until they were spotlessly clean.

Next, he dried them with the kitchen towel, took them to the table, and put them next to all the other things he had gathered.

Now, he searched all my drawers, but didn't find what he needed.

Looking up at me, he asked:

"Do you please have a sharp kitchen knife and a cutting board?"

"What? Are you sure you know how to handle a knife? At your age, my parents never allowed me to use such a dangerous thing!"

"How come all the grown-ups I ever cook for, always ask me the same questions? Why can’t they just trust me?

"Maybe, I am only a 'little cookie', but I know what I am doing!"

Hesitantly, I followed my heart, and trusted my little soul mate.

He told me he knew what he was doing, and he really acted as if he was sure about himself!

So far, he had NOT disappointed me.

However, what would happen if he sliced his little fingers instead of his herbs?

Wouldn't everybody in this small village blame ME for it, accusing me of not properly looking after such a small boy?

I also didn't want to find any little boy meat in my breakfast.

Had Jack allowed him to use a sharp kitchen knife before, or would this be his first time?

Still feeling a little bit uneasy, I went to the hallway, and opened a few cardboard boxes.

Soon, I found my old cutting board and my frequently used but still very sharp kitchen knife.

I carried them to the kitchen table, and put them next to the herbs.

Of course, I also decided to keep a very close eye on my little cookie, in case something would go wrong.

Where had I put my, fortunately still unused, first aid kit?

A moment later, I stared at my boy in utter amazement!

Gasping from the unexpected show, my chin almost dropped to the floor.

Never before had I seen such a small boy handle a huge kitchen knife with such an amazing skill!

Of course, he put on a little show as well, but he absolutely DID know what he was doing!

Little Harry bundled his herbs with his small fingers, while adeptly chopping them into tiny pieces at an astonishing speed.

Then, he used the blade of the kitchen knife, to scoop the pieces into a cup.

He frittered the onions, sliced part of the leek, and diced the carrot and the small pod, again working at lightning speed.

Skillfully, he peeled the clove of garlic and smashed it, adeptly using his small fists to punch the blade of the enormous knife.

Then, he scooped everything into the cup, and added some salt, pepper, curry, a few drops of hot sauce, and a little bit of milk.

After mixing all the ingredients together, he tasted his greenish mixture.

He shook his head, and added a little bit more salt and some more curry.

Again, he tasted his mixture, and smiled.

Without looking up, and still mixing some more, he asked me:

"Could you please take a pan, put some butter in it, and heat it?"

Of course, I did as I was told; and obediently put a pan on my cook top, adding two spoonfuls of butter.

Suddenly, I felt proud to be allowed to be the kitchen help of such a skilled chef!

What a truly amazing child was he!

I was now sure that this boy really would be able to teach me quite a lot about cooking.

Would I ever be able to equal his amazing skills?

Little Harry dumped the cutting board and the knife into the sink, and took a spatula from a drawer.

Now, he dragged one of the folding chairs towards my electric cook top.

He climbed onto the chair, looked in the pan, and asked me:

"Could you hand me the eggs, please, one at a time?"

Obediently, I took the eggs from the table and handed them to my little cook; one by one, as he had asked.

Skillfully, my little cookie broke the eggs, by tapping them against the rim of the pan, without crumbling the shells or making a mess.

Wow! That was what I tried to do all the time, but never succeeded.

I was always fishing shattered shells out of my egg mixture.

After throwing the empty shells into the trash, I handed my little cookie his nicely smelling cup of herbs mixture.

Adeptly, he poured the cup’s contents into the sputtering eggs, and started to scramble them with the spatula.

In the meantime, I went to the table, prepared some toast, and buttered the slices.

A wonderful aroma started to fill our kitchen, caressing my nostrils and making my stomach grumble aloud.

This mixture certainly smelled as if my little cook was preparing something VERY special!

Would it taste nearly as good as it smelled?

Finally, my little chef hopped off his chair, and asked me:

"Could you please put the pan onto the table? My scrambled 'eggs a la Harry' are ready."

Again, I did as I was told, almost feeling respectful.

I took the steaming pan to the table, and put it onto a fireproof tray.

Then, I took two plates from a cupboard, some cutlery from a drawer, and placed them in front of our folding chairs.

Now, both of us sat down, and took some toast onto our plates.

We scooped a bit of greenish looking scrambled eggs onto the toast, and brought the first piece to our mouths.

I took my first bite... and immediately felt like I was in heaven!

Never before had I ever tasted anything this delicious.

These scrambled 'eggs a la Harry' tasted absolutely exquisite!

My 'little cookie' turned out to be an extremely skilled chef.

Feeling very proud of my so skilled little chef, I told him:

"You are an excellent cook; and I am jealous of all your skills!"

Beaming with pride, my boy took the next piece of toast and some more greenish scrambled egg.

Trying to outdo each other, we now started to devour our 'breakfast', savoring its exquisite taste.

Soon, we were fighting for the last piece of toast.

Then, we scraped the pan for the last crumbs of egg.

Unexpectedly, my little imp opened his mouth, and burped loudly!

Feeling a bit shocked, I thought about admonishing him.

Then, I decided to let it go; because I knew nothing about his background.

Suddenly feeling a bit naughty, I tried to join him, by making the same burping noise.

Again, it felt wonderful, as a grown-up, to act like a little boy and feel a bit mischievous...

Working together, we washed the dishes and dried everything.

I put the cutlery away into the drawers, while little Harry climbed onto the sideboard and put all the spices away.

At last, we washed our hands in the kitchen sink, and dried them using the same towel.

After we were ready, little Harry unexpectedly jumped up at me, trustingly letting me catch his tiny frame in midair.

He put his arms around my neck, and offered me a couple of very warm kisses!

Today, I found out that my little namesake was a real kisser, just like John obviously was one!

Well, I absolutely didn't complain, while I sat down and took my beaming boy onto my lap.

Strangely, I had totally forgotten I was clad in only my briefs, and that my boy was still naked.

Up to now, I had never thought I would get used to being a 'naturist' this fast.

Little Harry even seemed to be sort of a 'natural naturist'!

Had his Gypsy parents always allowed him to walk around like this, even after he grew older?

After some more cuddling, I thought now would be a good time to ask my little namesake a couple of questions.

Ultimately, I still didn't know anything about him, or about his mysterious past.

So far, I only knew he probably was of Gypsy origin, was eight years old, and had been in a caravan fire two years ago.

Where did he come from, and why had he arrived in this small village?

Who were his deceased parents; and had one of them been of non-Gypsy origin, having blue eyes and blond hair?

What could have caused the caravan fire, flaring up in the middle of the night?

I decided to ask him an easy question first, to boost his ego:

"How come you are such a skilled cook?"

To my surprise, my boy's beaming face suddenly saddened.

Looking down at his dangling feet, he hesitated for a long time.

Then, he looked up at me, and answered with a sad voice:

"Sorry, but I really don't know where my skills come from...

"I seem to have a 'gift', but I cannot remember why that is. The caravan fire seems to have burnt away everything.

"The doctors told me my brain tried to shut down my pain; but, at the same time, the stupid thing also shut down all the memories from my past!

"During the first days in the hospital, I couldn't even remember my own name. Since then, slowly, some vague and faint memories are coming back.

"Now, I can remember huge mountains with beautifully glowing tops, and we were living in a circle of caravans around a campfire, surrounded by a huge forest.

"Every day, we went into our woods, to catch animals and roast them over our campfire. I am sure I always collected several tasty herbs to spice them.

"Vaguely, I remember being called 'little cookie', 'little prince', or 'black and white'; but I don't remember why my friends called me those names.

"I think I was allowed to enter our woods all on my own, as a gifted trapper, but I'm not sure. Maybe, I am only remembering some beautiful dream."

My sad looking boy fell silent, wiped his teary eyes, and stared at his dangling feet.

Obviously, his memories had been too vague.

As a psychotherapist, I was now sure that my boy was suffering from 'post-traumatic hysteric amnesia', caused by excessive pain from his burns!

Fortunately, I was also sure that, in time, all his lost memories would return.

He only had to wait, until something triggered them and they showed up from his 'unconscious mind'.

In the meantime, I would try to trigger his existing memories as often as I could, to wake them up some more.

Suddenly, little Harry cleared his throat and went on:

"Once, while I was in the hospital for my umpteenth operation, I felt bored, and asked Jack about using herbs and spices.

"The next day, Jack bought me a huge herbal learning book; and I immediately recognized many plants from their colored pictures!

"Suddenly, I knew exactly how they tasted and how I could use them in our food, but I still didn't remember where my knowledge came from.

"After I was back home, Jack and I bought many plants, cuttings, and seeds. We set up my herbs garden in our backyard, and I started to experiment.

"Now and then, our spiced food tasted yucky, and we had to throw it away and start over again. Mostly, it worked out great, like today."

Again, my little soul mate fell silent, probably still missing Jack.

Patiently, I waited, until my sad little boy would be ready to go on.

Of course, I still had a couple of remaining questions for him...

9. Being 'decent or indecent'; and a too difficult tap.

After a moment of silence, little Harry suddenly looked up and tilted his head, as if he heard or felt something unexpected.

A broad smile adorned his beaming face, as if he was very happy with what he found out.

Enthusiastically, he exclaimed:

"Here comes John!"

He freed himself from my arms, slid down onto the floor, and raced to the front door!

What could my little soul mate have heard or felt, that made him react this enthusiastic?

Could he really have sensed John, planning to pay us a visit, this early in the morning?

But, then, my strange boy had to be a 'clairvoyant' as well, next to being an 'upcoming Shaman' and a 'mind reader'.

Within ten seconds, my doorbell rang, again loudly reverberating through our hallway.

At the same moment, I heard my little savage joyfully unlock our front door and open it.

Much to my surprise, I really heard John's pleasant sounding voice, enthusiastically greeting his little brother!

This was eerie!

Did my boy have any MORE surprises in store for me?

For a moment, I felt very happy to see John again.

Then, it dawned on me that I was still nearly naked, wearing only my briefs.

What if John entered our kitchen, and saw me in this very 'indecent' state?

I had to hurry upstairs and dress immediately!

Would I be able to don my clothes, before John's innocent eyes caught my nudity and he ran home to warn his parents?

Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to run through the hallway, without being seen by John.

I was trapped in my own kitchen, and could only hope for the best.

What should I do now?

Thinking fast, I positioned myself strategically at the back of the kitchen table.

There, I tried to hide my white briefs behind one of the many folding chairs, and waited.

What would John think of me, when he saw me like this, being nearly naked?

Would he feel severely shocked, and run home to tell his parents about my 'very improper behavior'?

Within a few seconds, two excited boys tumbled into our kitchen, obviously very happy to see each other!

John first sniffed the air approvingly, while looking around the kitchen for any leftovers.

He embraced little Harry with pride in his eyes, while he stated:

"It smells wonderful here! I bet you have again cooked one of your famous breakfasts. Did you leave any leftovers for me?"

Next, John acknowledged my presence, smiling broadly and looking genuinely happy to see me.

He rounded the table, and came straight up to me.

Enthusiastically, he put his arms around my unclad waist and happily kissed my blushing cheek!

Amazingly, John wasn't surprised at all; as if being clad in only briefs were quite normal to him.

For a moment, he cuddled up against me, with a beaming face.

Then, he told me:

"Good morning, sir. Harry is a really brilliant cook, isn't he? One day, he will be famous!"

He left me; and trotted back to little Harry, pointing to the stairs in the hallway:

"Come on; let's hit the shower and have fun. Will you join us and wash our hair for us, sir?"

He draped his arms around his naked little brother and gently pulled him against his chest.

Little Harry melted into him, and two pairs of beaming eyes expectantly looked up at me.

This time, I really didn't know what to answer.

Both John and little Harry wanted me to join them in the shower, to wash their hair?

Why would two young boys want an 'old grandpa' like me to join them and probably spoil all their fun?

Or, could they be teasing me?

Wasn't it enough for them, to see me in this indecent state, being almost naked?

For a moment, I started to feel angry..

Then, I looked again at their beaming faces, and saw that they meant it.

They didn't tease me, but really wanted me to join them and have some fun together!

What should I do now, while I still tried to hide my almost-nakedness behind a folding chair?

Why the heck had I listened to my little cookie, instead of ignoring his objections and dress first?

Besides, my little soul mate was still totally naked!

What would happen if John told his parents about us, after he returned home?

Probably, Eric and Trudy would immediately forbid all their children to visit my house ever again...

What if I really joined both boys in our shower, to wash their hair for them?

Everybody in our small village would undoubtedly see this as being VERY improper behavior!

These kids weren't related to me in any way, and none of their parents had given me permission to do anything like this.

From the newspapers, I knew how our over-prudish society would react to an old man sharing his shower with two young children.

Everybody would undoubtedly see my behavior as 'seducing two innocent victims', even when both boys wanted it themselves.

Feeling more and more uneasy, I started to protest:

"Sorry, John; but I don't think that is a good idea. I shouldn't."

However, little Harry already interrupted me:

"Come on, don't spoil our fun! Let's go upstairs."

Determinedly, he took my hand, telling John:

"He is still a bit shy, because his parents taught him the same bullshit your Dad taught you, about being ashamed of your own body.

"He still has to learn that all boys look the same, except for some more hairs down there. Now, take his other hand and help me."

John started to chuckle, while he went to my other side and firmly took my other hand.

Working together, both boys just dragged me out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.

What should I do now?

Feeling rather overwhelmed by their pushing, I had already started to follow them.

Would they really try to force me to join them in the shower?

Then, I decided to let both boys have their little bit of innocent fun, at least for now.

I would certainly be strong enough to escape them, in case they would go too far.

Plus, I was now very curious about how far they dared go.

In front of the stairs, my youngest imp chuckled:

"Can you walk on your own, or shall we carry you upstairs?"

Yeah, well... Apart from their pushing, I HAD to go upstairs, to be able to put on my clothes and feel decent again.

Feeling like a lamb heading for the slaughter, I started to drag myself up the stairs.

John and little Harry followed me at a short distance, playfully urging me to climb a little bit faster.

All the time, I was very aware of two young boys, looking up at my bare legs and scarcely hidden bum.

My face felt hot with shame, while I kept on climbing as if this were my daily habit.

Why was this so difficult for me?

Why did I feel so terribly uneasy, when somebody could see certain parts of my body?

Obviously, both boys did not seem to have any problems with it, so why did I?

Was my strict and puritanical upbringing hindering me this much?

Or, was it due to what our society keeps telling us about being 'indecent' around innocent little children?

Was I now 'damaging' those innocent 'victims' for the remainder of their lives, as our society tried to make us believe in all its wisdom?

Had I now transformed into one of those filthy 'child molesters'; being the lowest scum on earth?

As a therapist, I KNEW that our 'society' told us total nonsense, without any proof at all to evidence their words.

At the same time, I was also sure that nobody would ever listen to my excuses...

Still thinking and pondering, I continued to drag myself upstairs, in the meantime trying to will down my blushing.

I HAD to pull myself together, before both boys dragged me into the shower.

After I reached the hallway, I went straight to my bedroom and snatched my clothes from my chair.

Sitting down on a corner of my bed, I started to put my trousers on in a sudden hurry.

Then, I fell silent.

My entire inside was in heavy turmoil, and I couldn't think straight any more...

In my youth, my parents taught my brother and me to always dress properly first, before walking around in the house.

Even while we were babies, they forced us to feel ashamed of our unclad bodies.

My little brother and I had never seen our parents naked, not even partially.

My parents never saw us naked, once we were big enough to wash and dress ourselves.

Later, as a psychotherapist, I had to deal with many so-called 'abused' or 'molested' children.

Unfortunately, a couple of them had really been abused; being severely traumatized because of the terrible things they had been forced to endure.

However, many children had only been 'playing doctor' with somebody else's 'private parts'; in mutual consent, willingly, having fun.

Until their parents or the police found out, and forced them to feel ashamed of the 'terrible things' they had done...

Yes, these poor kids had been traumatized, without any doubt!

Only, they had been traumatized AFTERWARDS, because of the harsh and condemning reactions of their parents and our so over-prudish Big Brother society!

Our society had cruelly victimized these innocent children, in the name of 'protecting' them.

'Protecting' them against what?

During all those years, I had never seen any child traumatized, or upset, by seeing or touching a naked grown-up!

They had always been traumatized AFTER the deed; by the extravagant reactions of their over-prudish and suddenly shameful educators!

Afterwards, after being victimized, seeing some nudity could be a trigger to their shame and fears again.

Then, they were afraid of having to undergo the same frightening treatment for a second time.

Why didn't our 'big brother' society think some more; before it forced innocent children to feel guilty or ashamed?

Why didn't they teach their children to always listen to their own hearts; instead of blindly chasing after both 'real' and 'so-called' child molesters?

Children are much more capable of distinguishing 'bad' from good' than we think; unless their feelings are 'poisoned' by induced fear.

Society had better teach their kids to always listen to their own hearts, instead of frighten them!

When it feels good, it IS good.

You cannot get a better harvest by rooting out all the weeds!

You will have to nurture the highly valuable vegetation until it prospers; and forget about those few nasty weeds.

They will always be there, but they aren't important enough to harm the valuable corn!

Unfortunately, the 'weeders' are ruling our world...

"Sir? Uncle Harry? Are you feeling well?"

Slowly, I woke up from my sad train of thoughts.

I looked up, and stared into the concerned faces of John and little Harry.

They looked relieved when I finally reacted to them and smiled.

John put a warm hand onto my naked arm, while he asked:

"Is it our fault? We were only teasing you, and didn't mean it..."

"No, John, this is not your fault! Everything is the fault of our so over-prudish society, with all its assumptions and condemnations.

"Their incriminating 'big brother' mentality makes me feel frightened, about the consequences of being almost naked where you can see me.

"If you ever tell this to anybody, society could put me into jail, accusing me of displaying 'indecent behavior' in front of minors."

"Yes, I know. Jack and I have talked a lot about all those stupid 'nudity laws'.

"But, Harry and I already promised that we will never ever blabber about anything private we do here!

"We never told anybody about our private things with Jack either. We both know how to keep a secret; and I swear that you can trust us absolutely!"

"Oh, I am sure that I can trust you absolutely. Only, I am still afraid of what society can do to you and to me; and I am NOT going to take any risk!

"Now, go take your shower, wash each other's hair, and I will wait downstairs until you are done."

"But, Jack always joined us in the shower, to wash our hair for us; and together we had lots of fun!

"Why do you have to behave so prudish while there isn't any risk? You are no fun."

"Well, I am not Jack; and I am not sure whether Jack did the right thing or not. He could have been in a lot of trouble, if anybody ever found out!

"Sorry, but this is too difficult for me. My parents raised me very old-fashioned, and even my wife never joined the shower with our own daughters.

"I am NOT going to take any risk! Harry and you will have to shower first, and I will take my shower after you are finished and dressed.

"Just read what the newspapers tell us about 'child molesters', luring innocent children into doing improper things.

"I do not want to be the next one on their front page."

For a few seconds, John and little Harry fell silent, while staring into each other's eyes.

What were they doing?

Suddenly, I had a strange feeling, as if they could be 'talking' to each other in their minds...

This was becoming more and more eerie!

I had already found out that my little Shaman could be sort of a 'mind reader'.

But, could John be one too?

After a few seconds, John asked me with his most innocent face:

"Please, sir, could you switch on the warm water tap for us? We don't know how to handle the too difficult thing."

For a moment, I doubted.

Could a clever boy like John be serious about not knowing how to handle a simple warm water tap?

Or, was he luring me into something, with his too innocent face?

I looked from him to little Harry; but both boys seemed to be sincere, looking innocent while smiling back at me.

Well, okay... Helping them adjust a too difficult warm water tap, did sound innocent enough.

Wanting to keep my trousers dry, I put them back onto my chair.

Then, I followed both boys towards the bathroom; planning to switch on the difficult tap, and immediately leave them alone.

Jack, the former owner of my house, had cleverly rebuilt a small spare room into a luxuriously looking bathroom.

The room now had a generous shower enclosure; and enough room left for a washing machine, an electric dryer, and a huge chest of drawers.

So far, I had washed myself with cold water, while planning to have a good look at the unknown shower tap first.

I followed both boys towards the shower enclosure, where I stared in sudden surprise at what had to be the warm water tap.

Unfortunately, I had never seen such a strange thing before.

It looked like a short silver pipe, having one knob at each end, and a water connection in the middle.

One of the knobs showed several dots with temperature signs, and the other knob only had an arrow on it.

How would I ever be able to adjust this strange looking 'water tap', without both boys laughing at me for my obvious ignorance?

Feeling a bit uneasy, I stepped into the shower stall and knelt down, to have a better look at the strange thing.

Within a split second, John had shucked all his clothes!

He threw them onto the chest of drawers, and offered me a broad smile.

Then, he joined little Harry who was already in the shower stall.

Obviously, John wasn't shy about showing his naked body in my presence...

Both boys seemed to wait for me, having their arms around each other's shoulders.

Only, they were furtively snickering and pushing each other.

Could they be up to something?

Suddenly, I started to snicker inwardly, when I found out what the wicked 'too difficult' water tap was in reality.

These little devils.

They WERE pulling my leg.

They had just been too cunning.

This was a modern THERMOSTATIC water tap, and they knew it!

Even the smallest child would be able to handle such a tap easily, without any risk of being burnt.

It was now clear to me that they had lured me into the shower stall on purpose.

Only, they had been planning their little prank without using any words.

Had they really been able to read each other's thoughts, or to talk to each other in their minds?

I rose from my kneeling position, planning to look angry and lecture them sternly about their obvious naughtiness.

However, inwardly, I admired their pranks and clever inventiveness.

At seeing their proudly beaming faces, I couldn't keep a straight face any more.

Involuntarily, I started to chuckle at the funny sight.

Both boys had broad smiles on their faces, looking up at me expectantly with sparkling eyes.

It was clear that they knew exactly what they had done, and were very proud of their success!

My little soul mate stepped towards me and leaned into my side.

John threw his arms around my waist and leaned into my other side.

Then, he snickered:

"Now that you have seen both of us naked, you don't have to be so shy anymore. Please, could you now wash our hair for us, as Jack always did?

"Of course, you may keep your own briefs on, to protect our innocent eyes from seeing your hidden pride and joy."

This time, I really couldn't help it. I started to bellow with laughter!

Both cunning boys had me exactly where they wanted me to be, with their clever pranks and playful use of words!

Little Harry turned on the 'too difficult' thermostatic water tap without any problems.

Then, he swiftly stepped out of the way of the cold water stream.

From a small distance, he started to laugh at John and me, who yelped at suddenly feeling the cold water on our bodies.

Working together, John and I grabbed little Harry, and pulled him under the water stream.

Fortunately for him, the water had already warmed up, thus he escaped from his punishment.

All three of us started to wrestle and push each other, while we tried to have the best place under the nicely warmed water.

Within a second, I felt like a little boy myself, basking in the happy feelings of pure and innocent joy.

Both boys immediately accepted me as being 'one of them', without any restrictions or considerations.

Chuckling and laughing, we started to splash each other with even more water.

Soon, both boys tackled me to the floor and dived onto me, forming a pile of squirming wet bodies on top of me.

Until I wrestled free from them, and tried to pin both boys down under me.

After having lots of fun, we started to help each other with washing.

First, we shampooed each other's hair, creating huge clouds of lather.

Then, we washed each other from head to toe, giggling like three little children having the fun of their lives.

We teased each other, group-cuddled with six arms around each other, and everything we did felt totally NORMAL.

For the first time since Joshie's death, I felt like a child again, and I loved the wonderful experience!

Finally, I started to understand what therapists really intended, when they told their clients to 'comfort their inner child'.

Maybe, this was what the Bible had intended, by offering us its wise advice:

"Unless you become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven."

Never before had my own Inner Child enjoyed a shower so much!

Could our society be WRONG, with its assumptions about 'displaying indecent behavior' between bathing children and grown-ups?

Could it be that the REAL 'protection from nasty predators', had been overturned into 'throwing away the child with the dirty wash'?

Both as a human being and as a psychotherapist, I was absolutely sure that both showering kids hadn't been harmed in ANY way!

Unless our so meddlesome society would interfere with our harmless fun; and force both boys into feeling ashamed of what we did...

After a long time of playing and having lots of fun, we decided to stop and dry each other.

Before we left the shower stall, little Harry shut off the 'too difficult' water tap, again without any problems.

We tried to dry each other, but had to use the only towel I had been able to find so far.

Soon, our towel was soaked, and we had to wring it out a couple of times to be able to use it some more.

Without feeling any shame, I stripped my wet briefs off and threw them into my hamper.

I bent over towards my chest of drawers to get dry underwear, no longer afraid that they would see my unclad bum.

Of course, I was right.

The boys were not interested at all.

Why should they be?

All three of us started to laugh, looking at each other:

"You now look like a shriveled prune!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you look more like a wrinkled pig."

"I think you look more like a drowned rat."

"Grrrrr. I will GET you for that!"

Two chuckling boys chased after each other towards my bedroom, followed by old me at a bit slower pace.

Little Harry threw himself onto my waterbed, and immediately scrambled upright.

Jumping up and down, with beaming eyes, he shouted:

"Look, John, we have a WATERBED, and it can carry two elephants without leaking!"

John threw himself onto the wobbling bed, next to little Harry, and tried to tackle him.

Of course, little Harry attacked John back, by jumping onto his chest and trying to pin him down.

However, John was too strong for him, and just threw him towards the other side of the bed.

Within a split second, little Harry was back, and again attacked his bigger brother.

Now, both boys started to jump up and down, trying to touch the ceiling over their heads.

Again, they had lots of fun, enthusiastically cheering; while playfully trying to push each other off the wobbling bed.

Now and then, one of them fell down onto the floor, but immediately clambered up again and resumed their play.

In the meantime, I slumped down onto a chair, to watch their playful antics.

Now and then, I chuckled at the funny sight of my two naked savages, trying to outdo each other.

Fortunately, most of my qualms about being naked had disappeared.

My boys weren't shy at all about being naked, so why should I be?

Only our society's crazy beliefs kept me from joining them in their innocent fun.

At last, both boys were too tired to go on, and slowed down.

Panting and wheezing, they slumped down onto the wobbling bed.

For a moment, they just laid down, staring at the ceiling.

Then, looking at me expectantly, John asked me:

"Sir? Aren't you tired too? Please, come join us!"

Of course, 'old me' really felt a little bit tired, from having so much fun in our shower.

I left my chair, went to the wobbling waterbed, and bounced down next to my young friends.

Immediately, both boys crawled onto my stomach, next to each other, playfully competing for the best place!

I even thought they could have done this many times before, probably with Jack.

Basking in the happy feeling of having my boys on my stomach, I wrapped my arms around them and pulled them even closer.

Again, I felt very blessed, to be the Big Friend of both my little soul mate and my thirteen-year-old special friend!

I loved both boys with all my heart; and nothing would be able to change it.

My little soul mate seemed to have picked up my feelings of love, because he tilted his head and stared into my eyes.

Then, he offered me a big kiss; looking at me with love and pride in his beaming eyes.

John followed suit, by kissing me more forceful, looking at me with love and happiness in his deep brown eyes.

Slumping down again, both boys tried to melt into my aura as deeply as they could.

At this wonderful moment, I felt totally at peace with my boys and with myself.

My happy inside was sure we would be close friends for the remainder of our lives.

Nothing would ever be able to separate us from each other; not even our mistrustful society!

Slowly, my boys and I drifted off into a deep slumber.

After a long time of slumbering, I woke up, still having both softly snoring boys in my arms and feeling full of love.

Vaguely, I became aware of another warm wave of love, engulfing my boys and me, while all the sounds around me started to mute.

An unearthly light started to shine, coming from everywhere.

Of course, I immediately recognized the bright light!

Was our 'spirit guide', Jack, trying to contact me again?

I looked up; and indeed saw Jack, looking at my boys and me with a warm smile on his face.

Lifting his hand in a greeting gesture, Jack told me:

"My dear brother; we have watched your playing; and thank you for having so much fun!

"All of us enjoyed the playful antics of your boys, and your own unexpected happiness.

"Fortunately, you have started to do the right things; and, because of that, all of you are now entering an accelerated process of learning!

"Your son will soon come out of his shell, and leave his fears behind.

"He will start to remember his early youth; and we ask you to guide his therapeutic progress.

"Our other boy will be a very loyal friend to you, with a big heart full of love.

"Soon, you will be asked to take him into your house, at least for some time, so be prepared.

"Now, we are leaving you alone, so that you can wake up from your induced trance.

"May our Supreme Being always be with you, and bless you and your boys."

I didn't WANT to wake up!

This 'induced trance' felt so good, so full of love and peace; that I wanted to bask in it some more.

Besides, would Jack allow me to ask him a question about my little soul mate?

Hesitantly, trying to stay in my trance, I asked Jack in my mind:

"Please, Jack, may I ask you a question?"

"Look," Jack answered, already anticipating my question.

While Jack slowly faded away, I saw a faint 'vision' of my little soul mate, situated in our possible future.

Although my boy was only slightly older; I nearly didn't recognize him, because his so awfully burnt face had totally changed!

In my vision, little Harry had a nice and smooth face, a funny little pug nose, a cheerful mouth with normal lips, and normal ears that were free from his head.

His chest and belly showed only a few faintly visible scars, his hips and legs had only a few colored marks, and he had a normal looking little pecker!

Did I really see a future vision of my little soul mate, probably after he had some skin transplant?

Then, I would really be able to help my burnt boy, by spending all my money on his expensive surgery!

I felt more than elated, and nearly started to cry from happiness!

Again, Jack's warm voice sounded in my head, telling me:

"This is what you will be able to do for your son, in the near future; but, please, don't be too impatient.

"Wait until the right moment shows up; and your heart will tell you when that will be."

Slowly, the unearthly light faded away; and I tumbled down into my bed with a slight thud, where I woke up with a wonderful feeling.

Jack had again called little Harry, 'your son', and, again, I nearly started to cry from happiness!

I so wished Jack could be right, and that I really would be able to adopt my boy...

Now, I finally understood what Jack's intention had been, when he told me to 'spend everything you have on him'.

Yes, Jack could count on me!

I would be there for my boy, every time and every moment he needed me!

I would love to help him get a normal looking face and body.

Besides, I didn't need to be 'royally rewarded', for spending my money on him.

Seeing my boy happy, would be all the reward I ever needed.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, remembering my 'induced trance', and still feeling on cloud nine.

Would I really be able to help my boy get new skin on his burnt body and face?

That would be marvelous!

I would happily spend all the money I had on my boy.

A minute later, both boys started to stir.

Lazily, they opened their eyes, and squinted at me.

Little Harry was awake first, looking at me with a naughty smile.

After he saw that John woke up too, he teased me:

"You are only an old sleepyhead, because you suddenly fell asleep!"

"Then, you are our baby sleepyhead!" John teased little Harry.

"That makes you our teenaged sleepyhead, because I am sure that YOU fell asleep first," I teased John.

"Yeah, and it felt very good! I've dreamed about living here forever, having you as my Dad and Harry as my younger brother."

For a moment, I marveled at the thought of being the proud father of these fine young men.

Then, I started to think.

Of course, I wanted to adopt little Harry, but what about John?

John still had his own parents, and I was sure that Erik would never release his own son to me.

Besides, wouldn't I be too old to raise two young boys properly, without having a competent woman in the house?

CPS would never allow me to keep them...

Merely dreaming about adopting my boys and raising them wouldn't do anybody any harm; so I closed my eyes and dreamed away some more.

10. 'Aura healing'; my boy gets a mask for his face.

After a moment of dreaming away, my little soul mate suddenly announced:

"Jack tells me that all of us are going to live together in this house! At least for some time."

Immediately, John rolled off my chest and sat upright, looking at little Harry in surprise.

He got tears in his eyes, obviously pondering what his little brother told us about living together.

Then, he exclaimed:

"I hope Jack is right again, because my so-called 'father' drives me crazy! He always complains about everything I do, and nothing I do is ever good enough.

"Yesterday, my mother threatened him with a divorce, and he yelled at her. This morning, she had tears in her eyes, and my father seemed to be away.

"I hope he doesn't come back for a very long time, because we are better off without him. I think he hates me, because I don't look like him."

John's voice drifted off, while he started to sob.

Little Harry left my chest and crawled towards his big brother.

Putting his arms around John's sobbing chest, he pulled him close.

Then, he whispered into John's ear:

"Just let it go, and don't bottle it up. In a few minutes, you will feel a lot better."

John seemed to listen to his comforting little brother, because he started to cry even more!

Trying to comfort him, I put my arms around my sobbing friend from the other side.

At the same time, little Harry continued to whisper soothing little words into his ear.

Now, John started to cry uncontrollably!

My inside was sure he tried to release lots of built-up aggression towards his father, who always talked down on him.

Obviously, John also tried to let go of all the hurtful reprimands that he had to endure while that hateful man was around.

Despite his cheerful character, my young friend didn't have an easy life.

While holding John close, I sent him all the love and compassion that I was able to muster.

I also tried to help him get rid of his desperation, by pulling a lot of negativity out of his aura and sending it towards Mother Earth.

I only had to be careful not to pull any of John's sadness or negativity into my own aura.

For quite some time, John continued to cry, while I continued to clean his aura and heal it.

Slowly, John's negativity diminished, streaming towards Mother Earth like a small river of dirt.

Again, I felt very happy I had once participated in a so-called 'aura workshop', which taught me recognizing and working with several 'life energies'.

Since then, I had used 'aura healing' many times, to help my depressed or too angry clients get rid of their negativity.

A moment later, I felt very surprised, and I almost couldn't believe my own observations!

Next to my 'own' small river of dirt, I suddenly detected a SECOND river, looking a lot bigger, streaming from my little soul mate!

How the heck was that possible?

I had been studying 'aura reading and healing' for more than two years, to learn only the basics.

Then, I had been training myself for many more years, to master the process.

Now, suddenly, my eight-year-old little soul mate already seemed to master the art entirely, and he did it much better than I did!

WOW... My upcoming Shaman really WAS a very special boy!

A second later, my little soul mate looked up and stared into my eyes.

Was he again probing my mind and reading my thoughts?

Much to my surprise, I heard a faint baritone voice in my inside, telling me:

"Let's do it together. You work on his head, while I do his belly."

For a moment, I felt too astounded, gasping from sudden confusion.

This time, I couldn't deny it any longer.

My little soul mate was REALLY talking to me in my inside, without using any words!

My powerful little Shaman seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and he even wanted me to help him.

Immediately, I concentrated on John's head, as my little soul mate had told me to do.

Obviously, HE was the boss here, mastering the art of 'aura healing' much better than I ever hoped to learn.

Working closely together, I freed John from his negative thoughts, while my little Shaman cleaned his cramped control system.

Our two rivers of dirt were now flowing into one, effectively pulling all the negativity out of our mutual friend.

At the same time, I could literally see John perk up and pull himself together, no that he no longer felt like a victim!

Soon, he started to smile through his heavy sobs.

Again, my little Shaman and I stared at each other; now smiling in satisfaction.

Again, I felt the unbreakable strong connection between him and me.

Working together, our bond would be invincible!

John started to calm down, and his sobbing diminished.

His death grip on me relaxed, while he heaved a couple of heartfelt sighs.

Soon, his last sobs slowly faded away.

Then, he looked up at me with a faint smile and a teary face.

I reached for the package of tissues on my nightstand; and offered a few tissues to John, to dry his eyes and blow his nose.

Suddenly, little Harry looked at me as if he felt disappointed.

He took the tissues out of my hand, turned towards John, and gently wiped his brother's reddish eyes and puffy face!

Next, he helped him blow his runny nose...

Ouch! Why hadn't I thought of helping my recovering friend, instead of only offering him a few tissues?

Now and then, I was still way too insensitive, living way too much in my own private world.

Fortunately, my little soul mate was a lot more soulful; and, again, he had taught me a valuable lesson.

I HAD to be a lot more receptive to the needs of others!

Boys will be boys.

Immediately after John had pulled himself together, he started to joke again!

With little fun lights in his eyes, he teased his little brother:

"I think about hiring you as my personal eye-dryer."

Little Harry responded with a smug face:

"Then, I will send you my bill, and I am not cheap! Come on, crybaby, you have to help me move my stuff back to my old room."

My boy turned towards me, and draped himself all over my chest for a quick cuddle.

Again, he made me think of a little octopus, draping all its limbs all over me.

Fortunately, my little soul mate seemed to have forgotten about my obvious lack of consideration with John.

I didn't want to lose my boy's friendship over such a stupid thing.

After a quick cuddle, little Harry rolled off my chest and left the bed.

Although I desperately wanted to ask him several questions about his amazing skills, I decided to wait for later.

We would be able to talk freer after John went home and we would be alone.

Then, I wanted to know EVERYTHING about him and all his special 'gifts'.

John went to the bathroom, to wash his tear-stained face.

In the meantime, little Harry helped me make the waterbed and tidy up my bedroom.

After John returned, we donned our clothes and raced downstairs, to begin our day.

Of course, both boys raced straight to our kitchen, where John opened the refrigerator and stared in it:

"Your fridge is still empty. But, I am very hungry, after all that crying!"

Feeling a bit surprised, I responded:

"You are hungry again? Breakfast was barely two hours ago."

"Harry and I are growing boys! That means we have to eat LOTS of food, to grow as strong and be as well-built as you are."

"Hmm. Flattery gets you everywhere. Only, we will have to raid a supermarket first, because we used everything I had in stock."

"Then, let's go! Don't forget your wallet, as Jack did all the time."

Now, John asked his little brother, with concern in his eyes:

"Are you coming with us, just like the last time?"

For a moment, little Harry stared back at John.

Then, he slowly shook his head.

The light in his eyes went out, while he slumped down onto one of the folding chairs and his small head slowly bent towards his knees.

Plucking at his clothes, my boy mumbled, barely audibly:

"You better go without me. Everybody will ridicule me again."

Immediately, John went to his little brother and sat down next to him on another folding chair.

Gently, he pulled the sad looking boy onto his lap and put his arms around him.

Then, he tried to cheer him up:

"Do you remember the last time we were in the supermarket with Jack, and you wore Thomas' teddy bear mask?

"All the people who saw us laughed and had fun, especially after you started to dance with that Chinese looking girl!

"Near the end of our show, everybody applauded, and we each got a chocolate bar from the shop owner. Wasn't that a lot of fun?"

"Yes, it WAS fun; until your father threw Thomas' mask and your chocolate bar away. He even grounded you for a whole week, for 'begging'.

"After you were allowed to leave the house and showed up again, I shared my own chocolate bar with you."

"I had borrowed that funny mask from Thomas to help you, for crying out loud! But, we HAD a lot of fun, and I want us to do it again.

"Don't you have something else, to cover your face? Maybe, we could create a robber's mask from an old scarf, by cutting two holes in it for your eyes.

"Then, the owner will think you are going to rob his shop, and he calls for his security staff to rescue him."

At hearing their sad story, I started to think.

How would I be able to help my suddenly discouraged little soul mate out of this dilemma?

Of course, little Harry didn't want to show his burnt face to all those staring customers!

Why hadn't I thought of this before.

Again, I saw my so obvious lack of consideration for the real needs of others.

Where had I left my old silk scarf, which had been a birthday present from one of my daughters?

Could I have thrown it away, together with many other things I thought I wouldn't need any more?

I had no idea where I had left it, and I also didn't want to spend too much time looking for it.

Suddenly, I started to feel very angry with Eric!

Why had Eric thrown away Thomas' teddy bear mask, without caring for what he called 'his' burnt boy.

Didn't that man have a HEART?

Maybe, I could get my boy another scarf, to create a robber's mask out of it?

Or, even better, where could I buy him a robber's outfit?

An old TV show came to mind, of a man named Zorro.

He always wore some black mask, and nobody ever recognized him...

I turned towards my little namesake, and asked him:

"What do you think about wearing a black Zorro mask, or a cap with a huge visor?

"You could hide your face under the mask, and enter the supermarket incognito, like a superstar."

Little Harry looked up at me in sudden surprise, pondering my question for a split second.

Then, he seemed to pick up the thought, because his bright blue eyes started to sparkle with sudden joy!

However, first, he looked at his big brother for approval.

John nodded enthusiastically, while he pushed his little brother off his lap.

With their arms around each other's waists, they raced to the front door and opened it.

Before they left, little Harry looked back at me and chuckled:

"Please, don't forget your keys, or your wallet."

Chuckling at his smug face, I got my keys and my wallet, and followed my boys outside.

Both boys were already racing towards my car, on their way playfully jostling each other to be there first.

John seemed to have a lot of consideration for his little brother; because he let him win unnoticed, by pretending to trip over some small branch.

"I WON!" little Harry shouted, jumping high into the air in exaggerated triumph.

All his sadness was gone, and his bright blue eyes were sparkling again.

He tried to open the car door, but had to wait for my keys.

Smilingly, I threw my keys towards him.

He caught them adeptly, and used them to open my door first.

"Entrez monsieur, and after you." he told me, in his best French.

John and he entered the rear seats, and neatly buckled up.

Little Harry handed me my keys, I started the engine, and we drove off, planning to find a toyshop and a supermarket.

John knew where we could find a toyshop, and happily directed me towards it.

Now and then, little Harry recognized a street, and helped John by telling me where I had to go.

I scanned our stereo for some joyful music; and, soon, all three of us were humming along with some happy song.

After some time, I started to wonder where John's parents could be; so I asked:

"John, do your parents know where you are?"

"Yes; I've told my mother I would be with you and Harry. She went downtown to do some shopping with Mark and Marrie, but I didn't want to join them.

"Normally, they don't come back for hours. I have no idea where my father is, and Thomas and Chrissy joined a few other friends for a swim in their pool.

"I also didn't want to swim; that's why I decided to leave the house early and wake you up."

"You didn't seem to be surprised, to see me nearly naked?"

"Duh! Harry hates clothes; and, whenever my father is away, he always walks naked through our house for the whole day.

"After he got his own room in Jack's house, Jack didn't bother about being dressed either; and I saw them often in the kitchen, clad only in their 'birthday suits'.

"The first time I saw Jack naked, I felt embarrassed; but, soon, I got used to it. All boys have the same equipment, so why should we feel ashamed about it?

"Sometimes, Harry asked me to help him wash his hair. One day, Jack joined us; and, from that time on, we always had lots of fun showering together.

"During the last two months, I've missed Jack a lot. Fortunately, now, we can have fun with you! But, it's still a private thing, and we want to keep it private.

"We already promised each other to keep our private things a secret from everybody else, to avoid any stupid questions.

"Therefore, nobody else will ever know about us."

After listening to the mature way John and little Harry had handled this delicate question, I felt very relieved!

John had also squelched my remaining fears, about one of them unintentionally blabbering to their friends or their parents.

Finally, I was sure I could trust my young friends!

I turned the sound up some more; and, again, we started to hum along with some nice music from our car stereo.

It felt good, to be friends and go shopping together; even when my friends were 'only' young kids.

Never before had I seen such maturity and grown-up behavior as from these two.

Following some advertisement, a delightful song started to resonate from our car speakers!

All three of us sat upright at the same time, staring at each other with huge grins on our faces.

Immediately, I turned the stereo sound up even more.

Now, we started to sing along with the catchy tune, rhythmically stamping our feet, trying to raise the roof of our car.

Howling at the tops of our lungs, we screeched and baritoned:

"You are soooo beauuuutifuuuullll."

Shrieking with laughter, we tried to outdo each other screaming and bellowing.

Until, way too fast, our song ended; and the next dull advertisement took over.

A few minutes later, John piloted us into a small town, where we found an old and dilapidated toyshop in a tiny square.

This early in the morning, the square was still empty, and the shop looked deserted.

I parked our car in one of the empty spots, and we went out and stared at the closed front door.

My little soul mate looked pensive, staring into empty space.

Obviously, he lingered on a decision, thinking it over and over...

Suddenly, he straightened his shoulders, and switched on his powerful aura of Aristocracy!

Again, I thought of a little Prince, graciously addressing his beloved subjects.

Looking at us, he announced:

"I am going with you! Jack told me to ALWAYS be proud of myself and listen to my own heart, so here I am."

He turned around, and headed straight for the toyshop.

John and I looked at each other, seeing the sudden surprise in each other's eyes.

This was not what we had expected!

Obviously, our little friend had made a major decision about his remaining fears.

Wow, what a courageous boy was he!

Was this what Jack had told me during my 'induced trance', about my son coming out of his shell and leaving his fears behind?

Smiling broadly, John and I trotted after our brave little soldier, trying to catch up with him.

We reached him at the same moment when he pushed the shop door open and stepped inside.

"Ting," a hidden bell announced.

For about ten seconds, nothing happened.

Then, from the back of the store, an elderly woman slowly waddled towards the front.

She was wearing extremely thick glasses, and didn't seem to see very well.

For a while, she just stared at us, as if she examined some strange species from another planet.

Then, she stepped a bit closer, while grunting something unintelligible.

Suddenly, she shifted her glasses to the tip of her nose, and stared at little Harry.

"Oh, my dear. You poor little child!" she exclaimed, while clumsily opening her arms towards little Harry.

She almost threw herself at our surprised boy, in her futile effort to embrace him.

Little Harry stared at her with sudden panic in his eyes, and swiftly stepped aside!

The clumsy woman almost tripped over her own feet; after her target suddenly disappeared from her tunnel vision.

For a moment, she had to hold onto one of the dusty shelves, to keep her balance.

Then, she pushed her glasses back onto her nose, looking for where her poor little prey suddenly went...

My assaulted 'poor little child' had tumbled straight into my arms, looking shocked, while I closed my arms safely around his suddenly trembling body.

From behind my safe arms, he glared at his assaulter, now trembling with indignation.

While his eyes shot daggers, his deep baritone voice blurted out:

"I am NOT your poor little child! Do you behave this way with all your customers? Shame on you!

"Come on, Dad, let's leave this spooky place. This is not the right shop for us."

He freed himself from my arms, took my hand, and dragged me towards the door.

Determinedly, he pulled me out of the shop, closely followed by a suddenly snickering John.

Still trembling with anger, he glared back at the shop:

"Did you see that, Dad? That crazy woman ATTACKED me!"

He stomped towards our car, and impatiently waited until I had unlocked its doors.

Still muttering and looking angry, he immediately dived inside and buckled up.

John and I followed him inside; still chuckling about such a strange woman in her spooky toyshop.

What a crazy adventure had this been!

We left the square; leaving a confused woman, staring at us from behind her shop windows.

Feeling a little bit disappointed, I started to drive around aimlessly.

Where should we go now?

Would there be another toyshop in this small town, where we could get a cap with a huge visor for my boy?

Or, had we to go to another town?

Over my shoulder, I looked at John, planning to ask him for advice...

Only, John had started to look around, craning his neck while studying all the bystreets.

He stared into every alley we passed, as if he tried to remember something but wasn't sure.

After some time, he hesitantly told me:

"Somewhere around here, I once saw a shop that creates masks and other things for actors.

"But, I am not sure where it is. I only remember a studio, located halfway down a small alley."

Suddenly, little Harry sat upright; with a confused look on his face.

I thought he could have sensed something unexpected, but didn't know what to think of it.

Shaking his head, as if trying to wake up, he told me:

"Dad? We have to go back, and enter the second street to the left!"

Did I again see one of the many extraordinary 'abilities' my little soul mate seemed to have?

Or, had Jack contacted my boy, and told him where we had to go?

Deciding to trust my boy's 'gifts'; I turned around, and entered the second street to the left.

Much to our surprise, we immediately saw a small studio, halfway down the alley!

Feeling happy again, I drove towards it, planning to have a closer look at its outside first.

In bold ancient characters, a colorful sign told us:

'Make Up And Costumes For Actors'

Feeling reassured, I parked our car along the sidewalk, and all three of us left our car.

Hesitantly, we approached the only window the studio had, to have a first look inside.

All the lights were on, and everything inside the small shop looked cozy and welcoming.

This time, little Harry acted a lot more hesitant!

He leaned against my stomach, and safely worked his body into my embrace.

Obviously, he didn't want to take any risk of being 'attacked' again.

I put my arms around his small frame and held him close, to give him some more confidence.

Walking together, we opened the door and stepped inside, closely followed by John.

"Good morning, gentlemen," a pleasant voice greeted us.

A young man with a friendly face showed up from the back of the store.

He used a towel to dry his hands; and threw it onto a chest of drawers without looking where it went.

Smiling at us, he invitingly pointed to a couple of chairs:

"It's nice of you to visit my humble studio. Please, have a seat."

He turned towards my boy, with interest and warmth in his eyes:

"You are a little young to be an actor, I suppose?"

Little Harry freed himself from my arms, and straightened his shoulders.

He stepped towards the shop owner, on the way switching on his proud aura of Aristocracy.

A naughty smile appeared on his face, while he joked:

"I don't need a mask, because I already have a beautiful one of my own!"

"Yes, I see. And, may I tell you something important? It is not how you look, but who you are, that counts."

"Yes, I know; and it feels nice here!"

"Thank you; and may I offer you one or two suggestions? By the way, my name is Peter."

For the next hour, little Harry and Peter sat glued to each other at a small table.

Trustfully, my boy told Peter everything about the caravan fire and his many operations.

He also let Peter look at all his scars, even on his chest and legs.

Peter first asked him several important questions, about how his six-year-old face had looked before their caravan burnt down.

Then, he took a huge drawing block; and started to draw a preliminary sketch of a boyish face, while listening intently.

Soon, little Harry took another crayon, bent towards the block, and scribbled a few corrections.

Smilingly, Peter threw the faulty sketch away; and immediately drew another one, now inserting my boy's corrections.

He also asked John for advice; because John had seen his little brother's face two years ago, before their caravan burnt down.

Slowly, a nice sketch started to show up; showing a six-year-old small boy, with a cute little pug nose, slightly stuffed cheeks, and nicely formed lips.

After making some more corrections, both John and little Harry were content with the result.

With beaming eyes, my boy's deep baritone voice told Peter:

"Yes; this is the real ME, looking back at me from our mirror in our caravan! Only, this was my six-year-old face, and I am now two years older."

"Therefore, we are going to perform some drawing magic. Just look at what I am doing..."

Adeptly, Peter started to change the sketch, making its outlines grow two years older.

Little Harry almost pushed him off of his chair, in his tries to have a better look at it.

Again, he made a few remarks; and Peter listened to him and modified a few more things.

At last, with a beaming face, my boy told his new friend:

"YES! This is exactly how I would have looked now! Thanks a lot, Peter, for making this beautiful drawing of the REAL me!"

Both John and I were truly amazed, at seeing what Peter had sketched!

For the first time, I could see how my little soul mate REALLY looked, without his ugly burns.

John remembered how the little Gypsy boy had looked the first time he saw him, when he asked the children for 'watter'.

Now, he stared in amazement at the same Gypsy boy, but his face had magically grown two years older.

Peter went to the back of the store, and returned carrying a wooden box.

He sat down again, opened the box, and started to model small pieces of skin-colored clay.

Working carefully, he put the modeled pieces onto little Harry's face, one by one.

Little Harry looked into a nearby mirror, closely watching everything Peter did to his face.

Now and then, he directed Peter, telling him what he thought could be done better.

Peter listened to his remarks, and casually accepted his advice.

Slowly, little Harry's face started to change, until both he and Peter were satisfied.

Then, little Harry turned around, to let John and me have a look at his remodeled face.

Both John and I were more than astonished, and stared open-mouthed at our brand new boy!

Suddenly, little Harry's face looked like any other normal eight-year-old boy, with a cute pug nose, slightly stuffed cheeks, and nicely formed lips.

The transition was more than surprising. Peter had done an amazing job!

My boy's eyes beamed, while he basked in our surprise and joy.

Suddenly, he got tears in his eyes, while trying to suppress his sobbing.

Abruptly, he turned back to the mirror, to have another look at his new face.

He sat down in front of it, studying his new features again.

Tentatively, he tried to remodel his nose some more...

Peter smiled proudly, but also warned him:

"Be careful! It is only clay; and will come off easily. This is only an indication of how your real mask will look when it is finished.

"Your real nose will be slightly bigger, and your lips will look more natural when the final mask is fitted to your face."

Suddenly, little Harry rose from his chair.

He trotted towards Peter and threw his arms around Peter's neck, trying to suffocate him!

He started to sob again, while he sniffled:

"Thank you, Peter, for giving me my own face back! Finally, I will look normal again!"

"You are very welcome," Peter reacted; suddenly blushing and getting tears in his own eyes.

"Uh oh." little Harry suddenly muttered; looking a bit worried.

He squatted down, and fished a small piece of modeled nose from the floor.

Hesitantly, he showed it to Peter, unsure about how his new friend would react.

However, Peter just smiled and reassured him:

"That is not a problem, because it's only clay. Now, we will remove all of it, and I will make a mold of your face for your mask."

Working together, Peter and little Harry removed the colored clay.

Then, Peter carefully cleaned his face from all the remains, using a couple of cotton swabs.

He took a bottle of oil from a shelf, and gently applied a thin layer to my boy's entire face.

Now, he told little Harry to wait for him, while he went to the back of the store.

After a few minutes, Peter returned with a towel, a spatula, and a container of greenish paste.

He put everything onto the table, and got an adjustable stool from a corner.

Smiling at little Harry, he asked his little client:

"Please, could you sit on this stool, be motionless, and breathe through your nose?"

Little Harry nodded, and enthusiastically clambered onto the stool.

Peter adjusted its height, until our proudly grinning boy towered over all of us.

Next, Peter draped a towel around his neck and shoulders.

He took the container and the spatula, and told little Harry:

"Please, close your eyes; and sit very still for a few minutes, until the paste will be sufficiently hardened and I can take it off."

Little Harry trustfully closed his eyes; while Peter applied the paste all over his face.

Our brave little soldier sat upright like a statue, and underwent everything like a professional!

He only flinched when Peter put two straws into his nostrils before covering his nose.

A couple of minutes later, Peter peeled the hardened paste off of little Harry's oily face, with the straws still sticking out:

"That's all for today. You may wash your face in the sink at the back of the store."

Little Harry opened his eyes, and squinted at the sudden lamplight.

Then, he raced to the back of the store, to wash his oily face.

While waiting until his little client returned, Peter had some small talk with us.

He told us he loved his work very much, helping disfigured or malformed people live a more normal life.

After little Harry returned, Peter showed him the greenish negative impression of his face:

"From this mold, I am going to make an exact copy of your face, as a help to model your mask.

"Within two days, the rubber mask will be ready, and you will look like a new boy."

He turned around and looked at me, secretly wiping his eyes:

"Sir, you have a wonderful son!"

"Yes, I agree! I am very proud of my brave boy."

Little Harry beamed at me and threw his arms around my waist:

"Thank you, Dad. I love you very much, and I am very proud of you too!"

Next, he threw his arms around Peter, and told him:

"Thank you, Peter. I KNEW you would be the right person!"

Peter beamed, and lifted my boy off the floor for a quick hug.

Suddenly, little Harry offered him a big kiss, making Peter blush fiercely.

Then, we made an appointment, to return in two days.

Peter named his price; and I immediately agreed. I would happily pay twice the amount!

After shaking hands, we said our good-byes, and returned to our car.

I started the engine and we drove off, waving at Peter until we disappeared around a corner.

We all seemed to feel a bit overwhelmed, and were very quiet on our way back.

The boys just stared out of the windows, this time without their normal bantering.

One time, little Harry threw his arms around my neck, telling me:

"Sorry, for calling you 'Dad'. It slipped out of my mouth, but I wish you WERE my Dad!"

Getting tears in my eyes, I nearly choked up from the suddenly overwhelming feeling.

Furtively, I wiped the tears away, while trying to keep my eyes on the road.

I had LOVED it when my boy called me 'Dad', and I hoped he would go on with it!

Patting my boy's small arms, I told him with a quivery voice:

"I wish you WERE my son. Maybe, I can try to adopt you?"

"Would you really do that? Yes, Dad, PLEASE!"